I would have stayed in the room forever given the choice but eventually hunger pains forced me to contemplate the inevitable. Leaving the room and having to potentially face Jack.

Slowly I opened the door. It squeaked and I cringed. It was late and I was hoping Jack was asleep.

I peered down the passage. I could not stay in the room forever, no matter how much I wanted to avoid seeing him. My stomach grumbled again. A reminder I needed food.

It was dark except for soft light coming from the kitchen.

I moved with each measured step to make as little noise as possible.

When I reached the kitchen I entered slowly. On the table was a sandwich with a note.

I reached for the note.

It was a handwritten note. Sorry.

I crumbled it up and discarded it on the table. He had made me food. I sighed. It was thoughtful after what he had said earlier.

Why was he being so nice when all I wanted to do was hate him in that moment?

I lowered myself into the seat, as I took one half of the sandwich and took a healthy bite. It tasted so good.

I chewed it quickly before taking another bite. Quelling the painful grumbling of my stomach my main priority.

It was the sound of footsteps that halted behind me. Slowly I turned to look over my shoulder at the source of the noise.

Jack stood in the doorway. Dressed in jeans that hung low on his hips. His hair messed and disarrayed, like he just woken up.

I swallowed, trying not to drop my gaze to take in his defined muscle chest. It was a reminder of how much I still wanted him, even if I didn’t want to.

“I didn’t think you were ever going to come out of your room.”

I jolted myself out of the haze I was in to turn back to focus on my sandwich, intent on ignoring him. He had hurt me and I wasn’t ready to forgive him, despite his note.

He moved to lean against the kitchen counter, watching me.

“We need to talk.”

I continued to eat the half of the sandwich, refusing to respond.

“Hadley.”

I wanted to stay mad, it was easier. Much easier than facing him and my complicated feelings.

“What is there to talk about?” I finally asked with an one armed shrug, moving the plate away. Resigned to the fact that this conversation was going to happen whether I wanted to or not.

“I’m sorry.” His voice heavy.

“For what exactly?” I faced him even when this was the last thing I wanted to talk about. I wanted to forget it, all of it. It had been a mistake, to be forgotten not taken apart and analyzed.

“I should have handled things better.”

The silence stretched between us.

“It’s fine. Let’s just forget it.” I wished it had never happened.

“You weren’t the only one who changed afterward,” he continued. ”I was so consumed with grief and anger. All I wanted to do was find Alice and kill the man who had taken her from me. It’s still the only thing that keep me going. Everything else is inconsequential. Do you understand that?”

I nodded. “I couldn’t save her. I couldn’t even help catch the man who was responsible.” I was breathing heavy, filled with a desperate emotion. “I lost all sense of safety.”

His hands tightened on the edge of the counter he held.

“Drugs helped. It was the only way I could cope after you left.”

His eyes glazed with emotion. I could tell he still regretted leaving me.

“I see him in every stranger, in every situation. I will never be free of it.” I inhaled deeply. “Is it so wrong of me to feel something other than fear?”

He pushed off the counter but didn’t move closer. He was beautiful in a dark and unattainable way.

“I wanted it even if it was fleeting. Is that so terrible of me?” I stood, needing honesty more than any else.

“No, it isn’t,” he admitted softly.

“I heard you and Beth the other night. And you know what?” I moved closer.

“What?”

“I wanted that to be me. I wanted to be her.”

It was the most honest thing I had ever said to him and it made me feel like some sad desperate person that wanted something I could never have.

“You’re different.”

I frowned. “What does that mean?”

“I care about you.”

I nodded. I would always be his sister friend, the poor girl who had endured so much and was broken.

“I get it.” I moved to leave but he caught my wrist to stop me.

“Don’t.”

Why couldn’t he just let me go?

I stood unmoving. His thumb trace the skin of my wrist. It was electric, zapping through me, making his presence impossible to ignore.

My confidence had been knocked. I exhaled shakily.

He moved to stand in front of me, blocking my exit.

“I need you to understand. If I didn’t care about you I would take you to bed without a second’s hesitation. Sex I’m good at but you deserve better than that Hadley. You deserve so much more.”

His hands fisted. “I can’t give you that because I don’t have it in me. I’m so filled with anger and pain there is no place for anything else.”

His anguish was palpable. Despite feeling those same heavy emotions I wanted to hold him close and soothe him. What I felt for him was deeper than any physical attraction but I wasn’t ready to label it.

He bowed his head, like there was an internal struggle going on.

“If I had any decency I would put a stop to this but I can’t.” He lifted his head, his eyes meshed with mine, my heart fluttered at the deep look in his eyes that seemed to connect straight to my heart. “I would walk through fire for you Hadley.”

“What does that mean?” I searched his face.

“If this is what you want, I wont be the one to stop it.”

There was nothing simple or straightforward about what he was saying. But it wasn’t that simple. It felt like he was only open to this because in some way he felt sorry for me.

“I’m not a charity case Jack.”

He shook his head. “That’s not it.”

“I want you Jack. But I don’t want your sympathy.”

I didn’t have much, but I had self respect.

“That’s where you’re wrong. I want you. Couldn’t you feel it?”

His eyes searched mine. There was that fluttering feeling in my chest again.

“I wanted to take you to bed and kiss every inch of your body. But that’s all I can give you.”

I bit my bottom lip as I contemplated what his explanation.

“You want me?” I asked softly, needing some reassurance in an aspect I had no experience. Despite the fact that he had kissed me back, I needed him to confirm it.

There was a whisper of a smile on his mouth as he nodded. “I do.”

This was monumental and I felt so out of my depth. Now that he was open to it, I was filled with doubts.

“I don’t want it to ruin things between us,” I voiced my fear.

“Nothing has to happen if you don’t want it to.”

The choice was mine. After so many years of my life being drive by the choices and actions of other, I felt empowered that I would be able to make this choice for myself.

“I want you but I can’t afford to lose you.”

“I won’t let this ruin us.”

Us. It made something flutter in my stomach. I wasn’t sure he was able to control it in the way he wanted.

“After that night I never thought I would get to experience the things that had been so important to me before. That night I didn’t just lose Alice, I lost all my hopes and dreams. My future.”

I sighed. “This is not just about wanting you. This is about taking something back, something he can’t take from me.”

“I get it. You don’t have to explain it.”

My chest expanded with emotion for him. “You get me in a way that no one else does.”

He took my hand in his and brought me closer. “Same Had. Same.”

I held my breath as I stared into his eyes, feeling nervous but an element of excitement.