I stared at the familiar house. It was a reminder of a time before which was always inevitably darkened by what followed. So drastically different. Before I would have looked forward to this but I was dreading it right now, with every fibre of my being. I wanted to be anywhere else but here.

In my memories there had been laughter and sunshine. All that was left now was darkness filled with a suffocating sadness. I took a breath but struggled to fill my lungs with air.

The bold stare from Jack made me aware I wasn’t alone.

In the end I gave in and let Jack’s friend take some blood to run some tests. I knew I didn’t have anything to worry about but at least it would Jack’s mind at ease.

But this. This was a step too far. I was not ready for it. The truth was I doubted I would ever be ready.

We had already been in the car across from my house for twenty minutes and Jack hadn’t said word. He had sat in silence studying me. Maybe he was hoping I would work through any resistance I harbored to seeing my parents again.

“They don’t understand what I’ve been through Jack,” I whispered, feeling unable to deal with the emotions a reunion would stir.

I was barely moment to moment, I couldn’t handle more than that.

“No one does,” he said softly.

My eyes found his. He was right but he wasn’t trying to make something I wasn’t. He wasn’t trying to get the old Hadley back, the one who still believed that good triumphed evil. The reality was, it rarely did.

Three years and the monster that had taken Alice had faced no punishment. Yet I had lived every moment since in a cage of fear.

“They love you Hadley,” he stated with a deep breath, like those words would make fix everything.

I crossed my arms still staring at the house with no intention of stepping foot inside.

“If you can’t do it for them, do it for me.”

I frowned at him. He had done so much for me, how could I say no?

“I don’t like being manipulated.” I hated how he had pushed me into a situation I didn’t want to be in, even if he believed it was best for me.

He nodded. “They’ve made mistakes Had. We are all living this nightmare, not just you.”

I swallowed, staring at him. “I know,” I murmured, hating the catch of emotion in my throat.

He had split open my wound and its as open to everyone to see. The scared sixteen year old who was still trying to find safety in world filled with death and pain.

“It’s an hour. You owe them that.” He gave me a long hard look, leaving me with no doubt that we weren’t going to leave until I went inside.

He was right but I still didn’t want to do it.

Every time I saw my parents I would see the pain I had caused them. It was difficult enough keeping my head above water, I couldn’t carry that guilt as well. So it had been easier to avoid them.

“Come on,” Jack said as he opened the door and exited his truck.

I refused to move until he opened the passenger door and held his hand out to me.

I released a heavy sigh as I took his hand and he helped me out.

Feeling apprehensive I soothed my hands over my jeans. I felt vulnerable, open for everyone to see.

Jack walked in front of me and headed down the small stone pathway that lead to my front door. I hung back trying to build the courage to follow him. I clasped my hands, fixated on the house I had grown up in.

Once he got the door he turned to look at me over his shoulder and I found myself putting one foot in front of the other, slowly making my way to where he stood. More agitated and anxious with each moment.

“You can do this,” he whispered as I stood beside him and he rang the door bell.

The sharp sound cut through the silence, making my heart accelerate. I held my breath and waited.

The noise coming from inside the house stirred my nervousness into panic. And then the door swung open and I was staring at my mother.

For a brief moment I was taken aback.

“Hadley,” she gasped, but made no move to hug me.

Her eyes began to water and I smothered emotion it brought out in me. I swallowed slowly, determined not to show much this was affecting me.

“Mom.” The word was hoarse despite my attempt to hide the tumultuous feelings I was trying to hide.

“Jack,” my mom greeted Jack with a smile before stepping back to allow us inside.

Jack waited for me to make the first move. As heavy as my limbs felt I stepped inside. I could see my mother’s hand itch to pull me into a hard and suffocating embrace but thankfully she didn’t.

The familiarity of the house I had grown up in was like watching an old film. The colors less colorful and clear.

I stilled and Jack put his hand to my lower back, a reminder I wasn’t alone. I sucked in a breath trying to exercise what little control I still had.

“It’s so good to see you…” My mother gushed looking apprehensively to Jack and I smiled, trying my best to be kind when all I wanted to was run as far away as possible.

“How…have you been?”

I shrugged. “I’m okay.”

It was better than the truth of how Jack had found me, drugged up and a mess.

“You look…uh good.”

She was a terrible liar. I knew the truth. I looked terrible. My body skinny, my eyes sunken in. A shadow of my previous self.

A piece of me that was missing was never coming back. That part had died with Alice in the dark basement.

Time seemed to still and I could hear my heart beating so loudly, echoing in my ears. I could feel the cold and the darkness surrounding me.

A rattled breath and a gurgle.

And then I blinked and I was standing back in my house. My mother watching, Jack’s hand on my arm.

“You okay?”

I nodded, refusing to speak. Fearful I would reveal I wasn’t.

Memories so fleeting would strike without any warning, leaving me spinning. I could not afford to think about what I had just experienced.

“You took so long the foods cold man,” a familiar voice spoke.

Dallas. Blonde, wide shouldered. The golden boy. He looked exactly the same. Wide smile, with a mischievous look. He was the prank the one who was first to joke. I had never seen him serious, except in the aftermath of my kidnapping

“We’re here. That’s all the counts.” Jack one arm hugged him and Dallas inclined his head in my direction.

He was tall and built like a football player. He still looked so young, like he had just finished high school but he was the same age as Jack and had already graduated a few years ago.

“How you been Hadley?” Dallas asked, his voice softer like he was afraid to scare me off.

I stayed close to Jack. I cleared my throat. “Um…good.”

I had no idea if Jack had revealed the truth of how he had found me to Dallas but I was going to pretend he hadn’t.

“Let’s eat,” my mother hurried us into the dining room with my father stood.

“Had,” he murmured when I entered the room and his eyes softened.

“Dad,” I whispered, hating the flow of emotions that I couldn’t suppress.

My eyes began to water and I took a breath. Jack’s hand found mine and squeezed it. I took strength from that and swallowed back my tears.

“It’s good to see you,” my father whispered.

I nodded, even if given the chance I would bolt for my freedom, as far away as I could get.

The number of places that had been set up didn’t correspond with the amount of people I was seeing.

“Who else is coming?” I asked Jack, feeling more unsettled.

“Just my parents.”

It was the last thing I wanted to face I stopped and backed up a step.

“It’s fine Hadley. They will be fine.”

I was already shaking my head. They hadn’t been fine the last time I had seen them.

Even if I could understand their pain and suffering, I couldn’t bear the weight of it.