I didn’t like how Jack stayed forefront in my thoughts. Jane, his friend, stopped by first thing next morning with a cheerful smile to fix my hair. She looked about Jack’s age. I had ignored her cheerful chatter, allowing my thoughts to drift back to that moment with Jack. There was no denying there had been something there. Something I wasn’t sure I was ready to admit.

Jane was pretty with short red hair and friendly eyes. I hated strangers, no matter who they were. It set me on edge. I made a point of averting my eyes from hers.

There had been no questions as to why my hair had been hacked and I was thankful she did not put me on the spot. I felt self conscious as she trimmed what was left into a short pixie cut while Jack had disappeared to make some calls.

Jane had kept the conversation limited to asking only about my hair. I would answer in single words, muttering fine most of the time.

How did Jane know Jack? It was on the tip of my tongue but I feared it would open the conversation and lead it down a path I didn’t want to go so I remained silent.

By the time she left I was so tightly wound I felt like I was going to snap.

“Better.”

The sound of Jack’s voice made me jump slightly.

“You keep doing that,” I said, feeling anxious and annoyed. My heart rate raised but I could not definitely pin point if it was his presence or the suddenness of his presence.

“Sorry.” He shrugged.

I touched my hair, running my hair through it trying to get used to it.

“I would tell you it looks good on you but you might shave it off.” He smiled. My heart stuttered to a pause before kicking back to life.

It was a sudden action that left me reeling and breathless and so confused. Could Jack see how he affected me? I was doing my best to keep a lid on my feelings for him for fear I would drown in them.

“It’s fine,” I said, feeling less like a target with the shorter hair. It was something I couldn’t explain. Maybe it was because most guys usually like longer hair so it made me feel safer.

“What were you doing?” I asked, wanting to feel the awkward silence between us with something else to divert my growing attention to him to something else.

“Making calls.”

I eyed him out when he didn’t elaborate.

I crossed my arms. “So what happens now?”

“I won’t force you to do anything you don’t want to Had, no matter how desperate I am.” He sighed. “I know you don’t have anywhere to go so I want you to stay here with me.”

My stomach fluttered. “Why?”

“Because you need someone to keep an eye on you and I want to help you.” His gaze unwavering.

I trembled. It was a reminder of how he had abandoned me before and left me adrift in the fear and terror I hadn’t been able to fight my away out of.

“Like you did the last time? If that’s the help you’re offering I’m not interested.” I shrugged dismissively trying to make it seem like I was unbothered because the truth was it had torn me apart.

“I made a mistake Had. I won’t leave again. I promise.” His eyes were intense and stormy, with an undercurrent of anger.

There was a physical pain so bad it hurt to breathe but I refused to allow him to see how much he had hurt me.

“Why Jack? Why did you walk away?” I had to know. At first I had questioned if I had done something to push him away but I couldn’t think of anything

He stared at me. “I was in a really bad space and I allowed others to sway me.”

I frowned. “I don’t understand.”

“I don’t know that any of this will do either of us any good. Maybe it’s best to leave the past where it is.”

I shook my head moving closer to confront him, I finally had the chance to get an answer. “No. You owe me an explanation.” My hand went to his chest and I curled my hand into his shirt, clutching the material in my hand.

I had spent so much time agonizing over what had happened to make him leave.

His hand went to cover mine. The warmth of his skin seeped into mine. “They expressed their concern over our dependence on each other. Our parents. They believed it was…unhealthy.”

“Unhealthy?” I echoed and he nodded. He had been the only thing that had kept me from falling apart. Without him I had unraveled.

“I was devastated and angry. So angry, it was eating me up side. And you…you were…so lost.” He sighed, a deep emotional one. “They said I was damaging your recovery and the best thing I could do was to keep my distance.”

I swallowed, my grip on his shirt weakened as I took in his confession. I felt so betrayed, by the people who were supposed to love me. Why would they have done that? The truth was no one could understand what I was going through or what I needed. I also felt betrayed by him, the one person I had believed had understood and shared my pain.

“I thought…”

“You thought?” he prompted.

I released his shirt needing to physically distance from him.

“I thought it was my fault. That I had said or done something to make you leave.” It brought all that hurt back.

His features tightened and he listened. His expression pained.

“I thought it was my fault.” I breathed in deeply, fighting the urge to give into those feelings of abandonment and cry.

But I had learned a long time ago that tears didn’t fix anything. No matter how much I had cried over Alice, it had not brought her back. And crying over Jack, hadn’t brought him back into my life either.

“I shouldn’t have left you.”

His words did little to undo the damaged had already been done. It wasn’t quite so easily undone.

“But you did.” It was only a whisper but it made him bow his head, like he was in pain. A betrayal so deep I wasn’t sure I could trust him to stay.

His eyes rose to mine, they glittered and I couldn’t look away. “I’ll never forgive myself for that. I should never have listened to them.”

It made me dislike my parents more. Their meddling had done more damage than good.

“If I had stayed in your life, you wouldn’t have started taking drugs. I could have stopped you.”

I couldn’t even argue with him, he was right. But it didn’t feel right burdening him solely for everything.

There was a silence that stretched on between us. So much unsaid.

“I’m sure you have better things to do than to watch over the screwed up best friend of your dead sister.” It was heartlessly said. I didn’t know why I was being so blunt and hurtful. “I’m not your problem Jack.”

He took me gently but firmly by the shoulders. I couldn’t look away even if I tried, my eyes fixated on him.

“My sister is gone and there is nothing I can’t do anything to change that. I couldn’t save her but…I can save you Had.”

He was a man on a mission. I knew him well enough to know that he would not deviate from his task, no matter what.

I swallowed. He wanted to save me but I wasn’t sure it was possible. I was so damaged by what happened. It was so fundamental there was a split between before and after. I was so different, I could barely recognize the girl who had held so much hope in the future. Now I was just trying to get through each day to wake up for the next.

“What about you Jack?” I asked softly.

He frowned. “What about me?”

“Who is going to save you?”

His lips flattened into a tight line. “I’m not looking for saving Had. I’m out for revenge.”

He released me and watch him withdraw from me.

Jack had changed. He wasn’t the same devastated young man mourning the loss of the sister he couldn’t save, he was a man out to avenge her death.