Sleep didn’t come easy. I tossed and turned, staring at the door, fighting to smother the fear that something evil lay awaiting behind the wooden door and it would come for me the moment I closed my eyes.

Each little noise I listened to, straining to decipher what had caused it.

I had to keep reminding myself that I was safe. Jack wouldn’t let anything happen to me. I lay on my back staring at the ceiling struggling to let go of the fear that I lived with every day.

Old habits were hard to shake, especially when I wasn’t numb any longer. I could feel everything. The fear, anguish and pain. I forgot what it felt like to feel anything else.

I moved to lie on my side. My hair tickled my face and I touched it. How could I have forgotten? I jolted up. I couldn’t shake the illogical fear of what my hair represented.

Exhaling my growing panic I shoved the covers off. I stood quietly before heading to the door. I opening it slowly, unsure if Jack was still awake.

It was silent so I stepped into the hallway and went to the kitchen. I fumbled for the light. Startling white light momentarily blinded me before my eyes adjusted. I went straight to the drawers rummaging as quietly as I could. Every moment bringing me closer to reliving the little I could remember from the day Alice and I were taken. I closed the second drawer, someone clear their throat.

My heart slammed in my chest as I put my hand to stop it from leaping out of my body when I noticed Jack stood in the doorway, bared chested in only sweats, he looked like he had just woken up.

The sight of him went my heart rate through the roof for an entirely different reason.

He crossed his arms. “What are you doing?” His brows scrunched in a frown while his eyes adjusted to the bright light.

Silence. My mouth suddenly dry. How did I explain what I was so desperate to do? Would he think I was crazy? There wasn’t a logical reasoning to it but somehow it helped.

“Hadley.” His voice more insistent.

I reached my hand out to the third drawer.

His eyes moved to take the action before moving his eyes back to mine. “What are you looking for?”

I shrugged. “I needed…”

I swallowed, still reluctant to answer him.

“What did you need?” he prompted.

“Scissors.”

“Scissors?”

I nodded.

“Why are you looking for scissors in the middle of the night?” He rubbed his hand over his face as he moved closer.

I moved my back to the counter but I refused to move my had from the last drawer.

If I told him he would know how crazy I was. He would see me, the real Hadley. The one who was too damaged.

“I can’t tell you.” I could not reveal the truth, it would change how he looked at me and I couldn’t deal with that.

“You’ve just gone through a detox. I need to know you’re not going to do something you might regret.” He was so serious.

“What exactly are you afraid I’m going to do?” I held his deep stare, having no idea what he thought I might be doing.

“I don’t know Hadley. What do people usually do with sharp objects?” The column of his throat bobbed as he swallowed. His exterior calm but I could see the twitch on his jaw.

“I’m not going to hurt myself,” I assured him. I was doing everything I could to survive, to keep myself safe.

“Then you won’t mind me supervising you.” He folded his arms.

I took a breath, hating how erratic my heart felt. This wasn’t something I wanted anyone to see but I argued with myself he would see the end results so was there any point in trying to stop him.

“Fine.” I didn’t wait for him to agree, I turned and yanked the drawer opened. I felt a sense of relief when I first spotted the scissors and grabbed them.

I shoved the drawer closed before I moved past Jack and headed to the bathroom with Jack followed behind me.

My eyes met Jack’s in the mirror as I raised the scissors to cut a chunk of hair. I dropped the hair in the small trash can under the counter.

“Don’t,” Jack instructed with a hand to my arm. The one that held the scissors.

“I have to…” My voice broke and my hand trembled.

There was a heavy silence as we continued to stare at each other, neither talking.

He released me. I swallowed slowly trying to contain what little emotional control I still had.

I cut another chunk and then another. Tears threatened to fall but I refused to break down, instead trying to focus on each task with all my concentration blocking out Jack’s presence. He never tried to stop me again and then finally I stopped. The remnants of my hair I had hacked filled the sink but at least the panic that had clawed it’s way deep inside me began to ease back to where it waited for the moments when I felt weak.

“You feel better?” Jack was still watching. His eyes on mine.

I nodded slowly, feeling the frenzy of what I had done start to disappear. Leaving me unsettled and vulnerable.

“I have a friend who can clean it up,” he said, nodding to my hair.

I nodded as I touched it self consciously. It looked horrible, all varying lengths. I shrugged.

“I don’t care.”

There was an awkward silence between us.

“Why did you have to cut it all off?” he asked softly, knowing he was venturing into sensitive territory for me.

I turned to face him and crossed my arms feeling vulnerable and unsure of how to handle the situation.

“Does it matter?” I whispered huskily.

He nodded. “It does.”

I sighed heavily. “You’ll think I’m crazy…”

“No I won’t. Tell me.”

I inhaled a deep breath before I started to talk. “I don’t know why he chose Alice and I. In my mind I would go around in circles again, trying to remember anything that would explain why it happened to us. And no matter how much I try I can’t remember anything. What if it was a physical trait that made us his target?”

I swallowed hard.

“Your hair,” he murmured.

I nodded. “My mom always told me I had such beautiful hair. What if that was why he chose us? What if it was all my fault?”

He shook his head before moving to a firm hold on my shoulders. “It wasn’t your fault. There was nothing you could have done to change what happened.”

“But you can’t know that,” I argued softly, wanting him to be right so it would take some of my guilt away but knowing

His hands tightened on my shoulders. “You can’t blame yourself. It wasn’t your fault or even Alice’s.”

“Do you really believe that?” I asked, wanting him to be able to set me free from the guilt that somehow I had been the reason we had been singled out.

He nodded. “I think you guys were just in the wrong place at the wrong time. That’s it.”

I exhaled slowly, wanting to believe him.

“I’ll get my friend to come over tomorrow to fix it up.” He reached a hand to touch my hair.

My breath stilled in my lungs. He was so close, I could see every fleck of color in his eyes. I was suspended in time where there was nothing other than the two of us. No fear, or panic. His eyes dipped to my mouth and I knew I wasn’t the only one affected.

“You need to get some sleep,” he said, moved his hand away and stepped back breaking the charged air between us. He rubbed the back of his neck.

And just as suddenly as it had happened I could breathe again. I blinked, trying to interpret what had just transpired between us.

“Um…uh…” I couldn’t seem to string a sentence together. My mind was still ten seconds in the past staring deeply into his eyes, wishing for something. Something I could not, no did not want to name.

“Sleep Hadley. You’re safe here.”

My heart wasn’t safe around him. My heart was still beating erratically in my chest. Something had sparked to life between us and there was not turning it off.