I completely closed down and refused to speak to Jack. I went back to the spare room and closed the door, leaning against it while taking a deep breath before exhaling slowly.

There was so much pent up emotion, more than I could physically release.

Jack was asking for too much, more than I could give. Even if I was strong or even brave enough to want to help wasn’t going to make me remember.

My mind had blocked out so much, I was pretty useless as a witness. I could not recall any information that would lead them to the place I had escaped. And I hadn’t been able to help them catch the man responsible. No matter how much I tried to remember, I couldn’t remember a thing other then escaping and running for my life. The evil just about to close in on me and knowing that if it did I would suffer the same fate as Alice.

I had run as my life had depended on it. After Jack had found me I had been too traumatized to be able to think straight. At the time law enforcement, officer Terry, who had been a friend of Jack’s had tried to talk to me but it had been impossible to get anything from me.

“Where is Alice?” Terry had asked, urgently.

I was seated in the back of the ambulance as paramedics looked me over. Terry sat beside me, Jack stood at the end of the ambulance watching us with his arms folded.

The look in his face unreadable.

I shook my head and sobbed. Tears streamed unchecked down my face.

There was only one thing I knew and I didn’t want to say it out loud. If I didn’t say the words it held off the reality. Once I said it, there would be no taking it back.

“We need to find Alice Hadley. You’re the only who knows where she is.”

I closed my eyes, wanting everything to stop.

“Had.” It was the sound of Jack’s voice that made me reopen my eyes.

In that moment he still held hope of getting his sister back alive. I didn’t want to be the one to take it away forever. I would be forever linked to this moment and I didn’t want to be the one to bring such pain and suffering.

“We are running out of time. If you can give me anything we might be able to find her.” Terry’s urgent voice broke through my voice.

I wiped the tears and swallowed.

“She’s….” I couldn’t say the word. “She’s….g…gone.”

Jack frowned. “Gone?” He dropped his arms to his sides as he stepped closer. The column of his neck moved.

“Did he take her somewhere else?”

They didn’t understand what I was trying to tell them. I trembled, shaking my head.

“She’s…”

“Dead?” Jack uttered the word and my eyes met his.

I nodded slowly as I watched his reaction. He inhaled sharply and raked his hair with a hand. I could feel his pain, it was my own.

Terry was silent and sat back taking in the devastating news.

The only thing I knew was that my friend had been savagely murdered and somehow I had survived.

Jack had gotten in the ambulance when the paramedics has insisted on me taking me to the hospital.

Thinking back to that time made me feel like I was fighting underwater, trying to break free to the surface so I could breathe. I began to pace the room, hating the familiar physical response I would have to thinking back to a time I wanted to forget.

It had been a blur of activity when Jack had waited for help to arrive. The paramedics had checked me over but I had been taken to hospital. I had refused to go anywhere without Jack. Even my parents had not been able to make me feel safe.

To keep me calm they had reluctantly allowed Jack to stay with me.

To this day I don’t know if he stayed with me because he feared the man who had kidnapped us would come for me for fear of what I would reveal or because he had cared.

Back at the hospital I had refused a rape kit when the nurse had mentioned it. My alarmed eyes seeking out Jack. He had taken my hand in his. I took a breath, trying fight back the tears of shame. I blinked furiously trying not to stop myself from crying.

A singled tear had raced down my face and Jack had squeezed my hand gently in his before wiping my cheek.

He didn’t tell me everything was going to be all right like someone else might have because we both knew there was a real possibility.

It was something I hadn’t even contemplated. I had been so out of it, could that have happened without me even realizing it. It had sent a cold shiver fear through me.

Jack had managed to talk me around, his voice calm and logical while I had been trying to make sense of what had happened to me.

He had stayed in the room with me with his back turned to keep my privacy.

While I had lay there I had turned my head to side and studied him to keep my mind from focussing on what the nurse was doing. It was intrusive and I felt so vulnerable. Jack had stood silently, the only show of emotion was when his hands had curled into tight fists at his sides.

Once the Nurse had completed it, Jack approached me as I sat on the bed.

“Was there any signs of…?” he asked, looking to the nurse.

He couldn’t bring herself to use the word.

The nurse looked to me and I nodded reaching for his hand. His fingers curled around mine. I could not take this news on my own.

She shook her head.

I released the breath I hadn’t realized I had been holding.

But that discovery held momentary relief that the unknown man hadn’t taken that. He had taken my innocent view of the world and left me in the darkness of fear, the air so thick I struggled to breathe.

I shook myself free of the memories. I didn’t did everything I could not be pulled back into remembering that night.

Nothing good could come from remembering any of it.

There was a loud knock at the door but I refused to open it. I stood watching the door, biting my lip.

“I didn’t mean to say that to you Had. I was out of line.”

I remained silent but took a step closer other door.

“Open the door Had.” There was a tiredness in his voice.

He had stayed with me to get me through my withdrawal. He had done that for me. The least I could do was open the door.

It was impossible to stay angry with him when he shortened my name like that. But with the familiarity came the pain of losing Alice.

I opened the door, crossing my arms. Still not trusting he wouldn’t try and talk me into changing my mind.

He didn’t enter the room, he remained in the doorway.

“I’m sorry Had. I won’t push you again.” He sighed and pulled a hand through his hair. “It’s been a long day. Why don’t you go and have a shower and I’ll rustle up some food.”

I wasn’t sure I was hungry.

“I put some clothes in the closet for you.”

“Thanks,” I murmured.

He was staring at me so intensely it made me I touch my hair. The air heavy.

“You remind me so much of her.” His voice a whisper.

My hand dropped at the mention of Alice. There was such sadness in his eyes, it was hard to face.

“When I see you, I see her. It makes me wonder what she would be like now, you know if she hadn’t…” He exhaled.

I swallowed the emotion his words stirred in me, nodding slowly. I understood it even though I never allowed myself to think about it. It was too much to deal with. When I had been struggling to keep my head above water, I had tried my best to suppress everything for fear it would destroy me.

“She wouldn’t have been high on drugs trying to forget what happened,” I stated, calmer than I had expected.

Alice had always possessed a strength I had admired.

Jack frowned. “That’s not what I meant, Hadley.” He walked over to put his hands on my shoulders, leveling our gazes. “I would never wish your life for hers. Never.”