Jack studied me silently from across the room.

“I can’t do this Jack.” I was already shaking my head, reinforcing my conviction that I was not ready to go back down this road.

Didn’t anyone understand that I had barely survived? I could not go back to that night no matter what was at stake.

I had spent so much time trying to forget, if I refreshed it, I would not be able to lock it away again.

“What if this is the only way to set yourself free.” He moved a little closer but didn’t close the gap between us. Like he was approaching a wild animal that could bolt at any moment. My rising panic was difficult to smother. “What if this time we can catch him. Don’t you want that.”

“You don’t get it. It doesn’t matter if we catch him or not. Even if he goes to prison for the rest of his life, it doesn’t bring her back,” I said, raising my voice. Feeling my heart pounding in my chest. “She’s…gone and there is no getting her back. We can’t bring her back, no matter what we do.”

The was a finality in death that could not be undone. The rattle of a last breath echoed in my mind, deep from memories I was trying to forget.

“I know that.”

My anguish mirrored starkly in his eyes. I wanted to soothe his pain but I couldn’t when I was struggling with my own. We were both enclosed in our virtual prison by our actions. It was guilt that would keep us confined for eternity.

“I can’t go back Jack. I’m not strong enough.” I would not survive it, I knew this deep down inside.

His eyes softened as he approached me taking my hand in his. The warmth from his hand seeped into mine and I lowered my eyes to watch his long fingers wrap around my hand. His head bowed slightly as if studying what he held. When he touched me I felt so much. I held my breath trying to figure out if this was fight or flight. But it wasn’t fear I felt. It was something else entirely. I was transported back to time I had crushed on him from afar, trying to catch a glimpse of him and feel my heart flutter in response. I hadn’t felt like that in a long time, those feeling had lay dormant. The only emotion I was used to was fear and so much sadness it felt like I was drowning in it.

“I know this is hard for you Hadley but girls are dying. He is out there killing again and what if you’re the only one who can stop him. You can’t just ignore what’s happening.”

I shook my head furiously. “I can’t..”

He gripped my hand. “I can’t find him on my own Hadley. I need your help, this is something I can’t do without you. Trust me, I’ve tried. I have spent every day since that day trying to find something that will lead me to him but I’ve found nothing.”

The emotion in his features tore at my heart, making it more difficult to breathe.

“I can’t,” I repeated, not sure if it was for myself or for him.

His thumb brushed across the back of my hand. My skin tingled and I swallowed slowly. “That night while we were searching for you and Alice I promised myself that I would do everything I could to get both of you back safely.” He swallowed hard, his eyes on where he was touching me. His eyes lifted to mine. “Finding you was like a miracle Hadley. You shouldn’t have survived but somehow you did.”

The emotion in his voice touched me in a way that made it hard to look away.

“I can’t bring Alice back.” He paused. “But I want to bring what’s left of her home so we can give her a proper burial. I can at least do that.”

It was something I rarely allowed myself to think about. I couldn’t cope with the fact that she was out there somewhere, alone.

“Nothing will ease the guilt you feel Jack, even if you find her. It doesn’t bring her back.”

Death was a finality we both had to deal with somehow.

The sadness that filled my chest made me want to break down and cry. It still brought so much emotion to the surface when I spoke of Alice. God I missed her so much.

Without her, I had felt so lost in a world I only feared. One day I was excited and optimistic the next I was trying to make it through each minute without breaking apart.

He moved to fetch the paper he had put on the coffee table. “If you won’t do it for Alice or me. Do it for her and others he’ll kill now that he has started up again.”

He handed me the paper and I held it painfully, knowing that I couldn’t look.

I had my own demons, I couldn’t carry anyone else’s.

“Look at her Hadley. She was only fifteen.” His voice broke as he pointed to the photo I held.

My throat burned, I could feel the tears. My eyes fixed on Jack’s face, refusing to lower it. A year younger than Alice and I when we had been taken. I could not look at the photo I held in my hand for fear it would unravel me.

He stood, hands on his hips in front of me. “Look at her Hadley.” His voice rose but I refused to do as he commanded.

I couldn’t look.

“There’ll be more. He has already killed two girls in the last three months. How long before he finds his next victim? He could already be watching her, planning her murder. Or we might find another body. There could be more out there we don’t know about.”

The column of his throat moved as he swallowed hard, trying to reign in his temper and heightened emotions.

“I can’t let him take more Hadley. He has taken enough.”

He had taken everything from us. My best friend and my innocence.

It was too much. The dead bodies of girls, like Alice. I had a flash in my memory of Alice. Her face so peaceful except for the blood splattered across her porcelain skin. I dropped the paper and faltered a step back as I gasped.

Jacked frowned as he studied me. “What is it Had?”

I was shaking my head refusing to admit that I had remembered something. Something. I backed away from him but he wasn’t having it.

He reached for my arm. “Had, talk to me?”

Every time I closed my eyes, the image was burned into my memory. There was no escaping it.

“I can’t do this Jack.” This was a reality I didn’t want to face. “I can’t help you.”

He followed me, not letting up for a second so I could gather my composure. “You are the only one who can. You are the only one who escaped Hadley.”

I shook my head, stepping back again. “I don’t remember anything. How on earth can I help you?” My lungs hurt, my eyes began to water and I fought not to cry. “I don’t know remember who took us, I don’t even remember what happened Jack. All I remember was running, so scared that he was going to find and that he was going to kill me like he did Alice.”

He raked a hand through his hair. “If you can’t remember what happened, how do you know he killed Alice?”

My heart ached. My mouth opened and closed. How could I put into words something I just knew, deep deep down inside me. I couldn’t tell him what had happened to her, or any details of it but I knew my friend was dead.

A flashback of her face, still. Eyes unseeing. Gone. Blood.

I swallowed, shaking my head. “I just know Jack.”

He stared at me like he was contemplating his next angle but I wasn’t going to break.

“There are things we could try to jog your memory Hadley.”

My eyes widened at his suggestion. Didn’t he understand I didn’t want to remember more?

“What if I don’t want to remember? What then jack?” I was getting angry. “Why are you pushing this? I can’t help you.”

“Do you want the death of all the other girls on your conscience when you could have done something?”

I blinked, trying to fight back the fear of someone being in the same position I had found myself. It had terrifying.