I surveyed myself in the mirror. I was dressed in black. It was a somber day.

Today we were laying Alice to rest.

Since the moment I woke up I was felt a deep sadness I couldn’t seem to shake.

“You okay?” Jack came up behind me. I nodded at his reflection in the mirror.

“We need to go.”

I turned to face him. He looked so handsome in the dark suit and tie. I adjusted his tie.

“I’m ready.” I was nervous and tied in knots.

I was going to speak at the funeral. Her parents had asked me to and there had been no way I could turn them down.

We still hadn’t revealed out relationship to our families and today was not the day. Today was about Alice and nothing else. We had waited three years to be able to lay her to rest in a beautiful spot in the cemetery where her parents had picked out a spot. It was sad and a reminder that she was really gone.

It was an overcast day with dark clouds blocking the sun out, it matched my mood.

The funeral was emotional. I stood beside Jack. His parent’s heads bowed as they stood surrounding Alice’s coffin. My parents were also there to show their support.

There was a heavy sadness in me and I cried for my friend. Jack reach for my hand and threaded his fingers though mine reminding me I wasn’t alone as he stood beside me.

The priest said a few words and then it was my turn. Jack gave my hand a squeeze before he released it.

I pulled the paper I had my speech written on. My hand shook as I moved to stand where the priest stood.

I cleared my throat, it was thick with emotion.

“Alice was my best friend.” I started. “I had never met anyone like. She lit up every room and she had a way of making you feel so special. Being her friend was easy, effortless,” I swallowed. “We were inseparable, we did everything together. I loved her like a sister. She wasn’t just my best friend, she was family.”

I took a moment to swallow the lump that had formed in my throat as I lifted my gaze from the paper I held to her loved ones surrounding her casket.

“I want her to be remembered for who she was and not what took her from us. Don’t allow the last three years or her death to define her life. She was more than that.”

I gave the audience a moment to digest my words.

“Remember who she was to you, the memories she gave you. Hold onto them tight so they will fill the silence she has left in us.”

Tears gathered. “When I think of her I won’t remember the sadness or pain, I will smile and think of how lucky I was to have her in my life.”

A tear slid down my cheek as I finished my speech.

I walked back to stand beside Jack who took my into his.

I reached for a tissue and blotted out my tears as Alice’s father went up to speak.

It was still difficult to believe how her innocent life had been ended in such a violent way. I’m not sure I believed in a higher power but I wanted to believe she was somewhere smiling, happy. Free from the pain she experienced in the human world.

It gave me comfort to imagine she was watching up with a smile on her face. I had no idea how she would have felt about her brother and I finding each other. She would want us both to be happy, and if that was with each other than I was sure she would have her blessing.

It was then just as her funeral ended the clouds parts and rays of the sun broke through shining over her casket as they lowered her coffin. It felt angelic. I knew it was a sign from her, that she was still with us but in a different way. I fought off a new wave of tears as Jack and I stood looking up to the sky.

At the reception my mother corned me.

“Why don’t you come and stay with us?” She offered. “We have your room done up.”

I smiled and took her hand to give it a squeeze. Jack came up behind me.

“I’m sure Jack will be glad to get things back to normal.”

“What’s this about?” Jack asked, looking from my mother to me.

“She think’s it is time for me to move back in with them,” I murmured, unsure of how to reveal that I was living with Jack not out necessity but because we were in a relationship. A secret relationship we had not told anyone about.

“Unfortunately she can’t,” Jack said to my mother. “We didn’t want to make a fuss but we are living together because we are together.”

“Together?” My mom looked between us with a shocked expression.

I nodded. “I know you were worried about us being codependent but that isn’t what this is.” I felt compelled to explain.

My mother smiled. “As long as you are happy.” She reached out to touch my face gently. “That’s all the matters.”

I was relieved.

“I will take care of her,” Jack added.

My mother nodded. “You already have. If it wasn’t for you she wouldn’t be here.” My mother’s voice had a touch of emotion.

“Can you keep it under wraps for the moment?” I asked. “I don’t want it out yet. Especially today.”

She nodded and leaned forward to hug me.

It was a step in the right for my relationship with my mother and I was hopeful that with time we would be able to repair what had been broken.

“She took it better than I expected,” Jack said as my mother walked away.

“She did. I was expecting a whole lecture,” I murmured absentmindedly.

“Your speech was beautiful.”

I nodded. “I miss her you know. So much.”

“Same.”

We stayed long enough to help clean up before Jack took me home.

At the apartment I kicked off my shoes in the bedroom before I went looking for Jack.

I found him in the spare room, staring at some boxes.

“What’s this?” I indicated the boxes stacked against the wall.

“All the information I had on the case.”

I nodded as I tried to block any memories I had of those files.

“I spent so much time when I wasn’t working following up clues. It took so much of my time. It was like I was leading a double life, programmer by name, detective by night. I don’t know what I’m going to do now.”

I studied him. “There are other missing girls out there.”

He gave me a glance. “What are you saying?”

I lifted my shoulder and dropped it. “You’re good at this. Alice doesn’t need you anymore. Maybe there is someone out there that needs someone to care.”

His forehead furrowed thoughtfully and he rubbed his chin.

“I never thought about it before.”

“Maybe you should.”

I put my arms around his waist as he put an arm around me and kiss my forehead.

“How are you feeling?”

I sighed. “I’m tired of being sad.” There was only so much heartache I could take. “When I think back to the last three years I feel like I wasted time.”

He pulled me closer. “But it things hadn’t happened the way they did we wouldn’t be here now.”

I murmured. “I was so smitten with you I honestly thought we were meant to be.”

He smiled. “Maybe you’re right. Maybe we would have found each other not matter what happened, even if things had worked out differently.”

I nodded.

“Do you think Alice would be happy for us?” I asked.

He smiled. “Yeah, she would. She loved us, she would want us to be happy.”

I nodded as I leaned my head against his shoulder.

“Life doesn’t stop. We have to pick up the pieces and carry on no matter how much it hurts. If we don’t, we waste a life Alice doesn’t get to live.”

He was right.

We had to carry on even if it was hard. Life was too precious to waste.