I was restless and unable to sleep. Memories too fresh in my mind. I tossed and turned eventually staring at the ceiling wishing I could just come some shut eye.

Frustrated I got out of bed and stood. I wasn’t sure what I was looking for until I found myself standing outside Jack’s bedroom door. I reached out and touched the wooden door gently, trying to decide if I was going to knock and wake him or try and find another way to relax.

My fingers were still on the door when it swung open and I was staring at Jack.

“I heard you.”

I felt so awkward. “I couldn’t sleep.”

He studied me for a few long moments before he stepped to the side.

I didn’t hesitate. The session from earlier with the hypnotist had reminded my young heart how much I crushed on him. Reminded me of all the time I had spent day dreaming over him when I had still been young and hopeful about my future.

But I wasn’t that naive teenager any longer and I was woman who knew how cruel the world could be.

“You want to sleep with me tonight?” he asked looking toward his bed.

I want sure what he offering but I wanted my intention made so there was no confusion.

I cleared my throat, having a moment of nervousness. “I want you.”

I had never been so direct but I couldn’t see the point. Life was short, why pretend. I held his gaze trying not to allow myself to falter. Sex was a part of life and people did it all of the time. I don’t know why I start to feel warm in my cheeks.

He looked at me the same way he did when he was touching me places only he had.

“You sure?” His voice travelled. My stomach tightened in anticipation.

I gave him a nod. “Yes.”

I felt hot and tight all over. He didn’t move closer, instead he lowered his lashes to move from my feet slowly up to my face. Then he approached he lifting his hand to cup the back of my neck. I rested my hands to his chest as he pulled me into a kiss.

It felt the same it did the first time. Excitement, trembling and want.

Except we had done this before, slid our bodies together. He had taught me what it felt like to be a woman and I would remember all of this when it ended.

My lips parted as he angled my mouth to his. I moved my hands to join around his neck, pulling him closer.

He smelled so good. It sent my hormones into overdrive. I parted my lips as his tongue slid against mine. I wanted him so much I didn’t think I could wait a second longer.

He seemed to be sense my urgency as he began to discard my shirt and then my shorts. Our mouths finding each other in between. He stepped out his sweats before he picked me up and carried me to the bed.

He lay me down and then reached for protection. He never forgot which I was thankful for. I could not be a mother when I could barely take care of myself.

He parted my thighs to lay between them. His hips resting against mine. My mouth found his.

His finger slid inside me testing my readiness. I rubbed against it.

“Please.”

I wanted to lose myself in him. I didn’t want to remember anything but how he shattered my world and then brought me back down from heaven.

“Are you sure?” He murmured.

“Yes.”

I felt a momentary disappointment when he removed his finger and I felt him push against me.

I wrapped my legs around him, holding him close as he entered me. His hard muscles brushed erotically against my sensitive tips.

“More.”

I wanted more of him, of this. Of us.

“I’m scared to hurt you,” he murmured as he began to move.

He always treated me like I was fragile and about to break. I wasn’t. I could take it, I wanted it.

“You won’t.” I shook my head. “I need this.” There was a neediness in my voice that made me feel vulnerable.

He covered my mouth his as he joined us with a deep stroke. I gasped at the fullness of him in me even though I was ready for him. He was ruthless as he rocked into me leaving me panting and wanting more. Driving deeper and deeper. Muscles flexing, sweat dripping. It was out of this world.

I cried out as I came holding onto his shoulders. His mouth covered mine as he continued to thrust into me. Then he gasped as he followed me over the edge.

I was breathing heavy as I held him. Limbs intertwined, still joined.

God I loved him so much, more than I ever thought possible. My heart ached and I felt a little teary eyed.

“You okay?”

I swallowed the emotion and nodded. “Yeah.” It was the best I could manage.

“Then what’s this?” His finger touched a tear that escaped.

I couldn’t talk without more tears following so I bit my lip hard to detract myself from feeling too much.

“Talk to me,” he whispered, his beautiful brown eyes searching mine.

He was so beautiful, perfect to me.

It went further than skin deep, it was who he was. How he dealt with things. He was a good man and that was far rarer in the world we were in now.

“I’m okay,” I murmured, pushing him to move.

He kept his weight in place so I couldn’t move.

“Be honest with me Hadley.”

His words reached a part of me that had been hiding my feelings for him for far too long. I knew nothing good would come from admitting them to him. He had been brutally honest about what he wanted but he had been upfront about it. Some guys would lead women on, but not him.

I only had myself to blame. I was the one who had fallen for him, although I argued I had probably always been in love with him. It had just taken this between us for me to realize how much.

“I need a minute,” I murmured.

He gave me frown before he moved to leave the bed to get rid of the protection. When he returned he pulled on his sweats as I sat up in the bed.

He watched me, waiting.

It was now or never.

“You were upfront and honest about what this can be.” I took a hurried breath, intent on getting it out but still unsure of exactly how to say it.

He crossed his arms and I knew that was the sign that this was not going to go well.

I sighed, unsure of how to proceed. Then it occurred to me everything I had been through. I had survived a serial killer and lost my best friend. Most people never experienced that. And here I was getting torn up about a guy I loved. Even if he didn’t feel the same way I owed it to myself to be honest. Life was short and I didn’t want to waste it playing games. Besides I didn’t how much time I still had left.

“I love you.” It was a declaration straight from my heart.

He was so still I was wondering if he was going to say something.

“You know…I used to have a crush on you growing up but I knew…there was like no chance of anything ever happening.” I was babbling now to cover the awkward silence “I’m not telling you this because I want something.”

I sighed. “I just want to be honest with myself. I’m not going to lie and pretend to feel a certain way because I’m scared it will send you running in the other direction.”

His eyes were so intense they never left mine for a moment.

I pressed my lips together, knowing I had over stepped the invisible line. The line he drawn.

I wasn’t going to make things more awkward so I slipped form the bed and gathered my clothes dressing as I picked up each piece.

But before I left the room I stopped in front of him. “I didn’t tell you because I wanted anything.”

He stared at me. “Then why did you tell me?”

There was a part of me that wanted him to change his mind, and profess is undying love.

But he didn’t. He was silent.

I left his room, my heart was a little broken but I had gained something in telling him.