I didn’t want to do any of this. Besides I was useless, I couldn’t remember the type of details that Beth was asking for.

“Are you sure you didn’t see anything else?” she asked, her hand with a pen hovering over a writing pad. I had lost count of how many times she has asked that in the last ten minutes.

We had been at this for an hour already. She had her phone on the table, recording the conversation. I sat across from her at the kitchen table. Jack was standing leaning against the kitchen counter.

I shook my head. “I’ve told you everything I remembered.” I was feeling more exasperated by the second. “I don’t remember what the room looked like. It was dark and damp. It was a basement, with concrete flooring.”

Taking a deep breath I continued, ready to shut this whole thing down. “Alice...” An unexpected bout of emotion hit me and I paused for a swoon to swallow it. “…she died. I heard it. I don’t know how she died. There was a lot of blood. No, I didn’t see any weapon.”

I paused to catch my breath.

“I don’t know what wood the stairs were made of, I was too scared to take a moment to study them.”

Beth set her pen down. Maybe at that point she could tell I was done and she wasn’t going to get anymore out of me.

“I don’t know how many steps I took, I was too frightened to count or to think it would be important. I could barely see anything in the darkness. The door was unlocked, I don’t know why. I don’t remember if the house was furnished or not. All I wanted to do was survive, my only goal was to get out of there before he found me.”

Tears burned. “I was running scared. I don’t know what the street looked like or what the name was because I didn’t stop to look.”

I took a painful breath and heard Jack move closer but I put my hand out to him to stop him. “Do you know what it’s like to be so scared there is no rational thought but getting away, putting as much distance between you and the danger?”

I trembled inside and the tears fell. “I ran as fast as I could and I didn’t stop…Not until Jack found me.”

It was then I faltered brushing angrily my tears away. When Jack took a step toward me I glared at him.

“I’m done.” I turned my heel and walked out.

I holed myself up in my bedroom, getting into bed and pulling the covers up to my chin. In that moment I would have killed for something to stop the pain. Drugs, alcohol, anything. But I had nothing.

The only way would be to leave the apartment and Jack would stop me.

I would have to wait until he was asleep if I was going to leave to find a fix. It was getting dark so I crept from my bed and put my ear against the door. I could hear Jack movements.

Frustrated, I swore under my breath and paced my room.

It was only when there was a slight knock did I stop.

“Hadley?”

I bit my lip and refused to answer. Even through the rawness and vulnerability I felt anger and it was directed at him. He had been the one to push for the meeting with Beth. Who wasn’t just some low level police officer, she was a detective he had been sleeping with for information.

So not only did I have to relive the terrifying memories that haunted me, I had to do with the woman who had slept with the man I loved. It was fucked up.

There was only one thing that would soothe the torment, that would ease everything. I could already feel it, relaxing my limbs and allowing me to slumber in bliss. I would forget the horrors I had witnessed and it would ease the pain in the middle of my chest.

“Hadley?” He spoke my name once more but I refused to answer.

I feared he would see the agitation in me and be able to determine I what I was planning. I couldn’t let him stop me.

He did not knock again. Eventually I heard him walk away and I began to pace. I had no idea how long I would have to wait before I attempted to leave. The need for a fix was compulsive and the only thing on my mind. Nothing else mattered.

It was at least another two hours before I was convinced the apartment was quiet enough to attempt to leave. I opened the door as slowly as I could and peered out. The passageway was dark. There was no light coming from the slither of space between Jack’s bedroom door and the carpet.

It was no guarantee he was asleep but there was no way to know for sure and I was totally fixated that I could not extend my patience another second. I left the room taking one step at a time, listening for any noise that would signify he was still awake that would make me halt my attempt to leave.

The living room was dark which meant Jack had gone to bed.

I went straight for the door and unlocked the top lock. Still trying to ensure I was quiet I eased the door handle down and pulled but the door would not budge. I tried again, this time pulling harder but no matter how much I tried it would not budge. It remained locked.

“Hadley.”

The sound of Jack’s voice sent me into a panic as I turned swiftly scanning the darkness around me. I backed away from the door just as light flooded the living room.

My heart was beating so fast I felt short of breath. There stood Jack fully dressed beside the sofa. Light emanating from the small lamp beside the sofa.

My mind took a few second to piece together what had happened. He had been waiting there in the dark. Had he been waiting for me? Had he suspected I would try and leave?

I put my hand to my heart as my heart raced as I tried to catch my breath.

“Where are you going?” he asked the question so calmly.

I expected anger, or worse. Disappointment.

He didn’t move.

“I…I…”

What was there to say?

“You gonna tell me why you’re trying to sneak out in the middle of the night?” His eyes on me

I pressed my lips together, knowing I could not admit to him what I was going to do even though he probably already had a pretty good idea.

He sighed. “I knew this afternoon would take a toll but I really didn’t think it would be enough to make you run.” He raked a hand through his hair. “But I wanted to be cautious.”

I swallowed. What did I say? I was a coward that couldn’t face the memories starting to leak through to my consciousness.

He studied me, silently. I crossed my arms hating how I felt. I was weak and there was no hiding it. He walked over to the door and produced a key from the pocket of his sweat pants which he inserted into lock and turned the key.

What was he doing? Confused I watched him back away from the now unlocked door.

“I can’t keep you here against your will.” His voice heavy. It pained my heart.

Every instinct screamed to run as far away as possible but I could not move. It was him that kept me from taking a step in the direction of the freedom that beckoned to me.

“You have to choose to stay.” He stood, arms resting at his sides.

I could see the visible tension in his body language. It was taking more than he was letting on to stand by and give me the choice.

The freedom beyond the door beckoned like a drug that would free me from the pain. I wanted it so badly, I could almost taste it. I bit my lip as I contemplated the choice but deep down I knew I would not leave.

I looked to Jack. When no one had cared enough, he had. He had found me, got me clean. He had been by my side through it all, never wavering for a second.