I stood just outside the doorway of my room, looking to the room where I had seen so many horrible things. Things that had triggered something. Even now, if I closed my eyes and concentrated hard enough I could recall the terrifying memory.

But I didn’t want to. I didn’t want to remember it. And I had not mentioned it to Jack for fear he would push me to remember more.

I wasn’t ready for any of this.

“A penny for your thoughts.”

Jack’s voice came out of the silence, making me jump. My heart raced. He appeared on the opposite side of the hallway to stand beside me, I could still not pull my gaze from the closed door.

What was there to say? That room was filled with the horrors I was trying to outrun. To voice that would be to admit how scared I was.

“Say something,” he prompted softly.

I shook my head slowly before shifting my gaze to his.

“Had.” The way he said my name pulled at me in a way I couldn’t explain. He wasn’t going to let this go.

“I can’t do this.” I took a step back, followed by another. “I just can’t.”

Hurriedly, I turned to put as much distance between myself the room and Jack.

Once inside the living room I stopped. Going any further entailed leaving the apartment and that was scarier than facing what I had in the room because he was out there. The dark memory pulled at my consciousness.

I began to pace as Jack entered the room.

“I don’t want to talk Jack. Talking is not going to help me.” I refused to look at him, fearful he would talk me round. “And nothing in that room is going to help me.”

There was nothing that could help me.

My determinedness began to waver, and suddenly I felt so tired of everything. I stopped, facing Jack. My shoulders slumped.

“Tell me what I can do Had.” He moved closer.

“I don’t know,” I sighed weakly, feeling the weight of everything.

It was dangerous to feel this way. Like no more matter what I did the burden I carried would be too much. It scared me when I felt there was no hope. The need to numb was so strong I feared I would relapse. I wanted that feeling of caring of nothing especially when I cared so much it was suffocating me.

Jack came up to me. There was no hiding my agitation. He took my hands in his. I breathed deeply, focusing on our connected hands. When he touched me all else fell into the background there was only him. My eyes raised to meet his, his stare deep like he could see straight to my beating heart.

“Hadley.” This time he said my full name. I couldn’t tear my gaze from his, I was hypnotized.

His thumb brushed softly against my skin making it tingle in awareness. In his presence I wasn’t the broken teenager who had escaped the horrors that had taken the life of my best friend, I was a woman who wanted him in a way a woman wanted a man.

I swallowed nervously. This was Jack. The man who had saved me from the darkness when I had been so afraid, shaking and cold. He made me feel safe, safe enough to believe that I could get through this. Somehow. It was inexplainable.

“Tell me what I can do to help you.”

It opened the door wide open. In that moment I knew what I wanted from him, even when I didn’t know how to put it into words. I wasn’t sure the help he was offering was what I was thinking.

My eyes moved to his mouth. I remembered the way it had felt to have it on mine. I swallowed again.

There was something stopping me from voicing what I was thinking for fear it would not happen the way I needed it to. I didn’t think I could take any type of rejection from him, no matter his reasoning. I was too vulnerable in that moment to take any risk.

Too much hung in the balance. It was too risky. So I did nothing, I did not move. Fear kept me from taking what I wanted in that moment.

I held my breath as I met his gaze, feeling the full force of it.

He briefly dropped his gaze to my lips before they returned to mine. Was he thinking the same? Thinking of every reason not to kiss me even when I wanted him to throw caution not the wind and press his mouth against mine. I wanted more than just that. I wanted it all.

His hand tightened on mine, and I exhaled slowly feeling the pull to him.

Slowly, he moved closer bringing his mouth just above mine.

“Tell me to stop.” he whispered. I could feel his breath against my lips.

Something stirred in my stomach.

I heard the words, I understood them but I would not. I wanted him and I wanted what was about to happen more than I wanted anything.

His eyes dark and glittering. He was breathtaking. I had to remind myself to breathe.

“Tell me.” It was his last attempt to stop what felt inevitable.

I touched my tongue to my lips, refusing to say a word.

His mouth touched mine so lightly, I feared I had imagined it. But a moment later his mouth covered mine, firmly. Leaving no doubt, he was kissing me. He wanted this. There was not reason for him to stop. My heart soared and I finally moved to place my free hand against his chest.

He release my hand to cup my face with both his hands, tilting my mouth to his to deepen the kiss. I grabbed his shirt, needy in a way I had never experienced before. And fearful he would stop.

The fear of losing control gripped inside me, but I reminded myself that this wasn’t a stranger. This was Jack.

A moan broke the silence. It was me. My body moved on instinct as he kissed me hard, his tongue against mine. I held onto him. My inexperience did not slow him as I mimicked his movements, allowing myself to let go and get swept along with him into this moment.

He lifted his mouth from mine. My knees weak I stared at him.

“Tell me,” he murmured, his voice hoarse.

I wasn’t going to utter a word. I wanted this and I would not be the one to stop it.

This time there was no holding back when his kissed me again. His arms wrapped around me, and we were moving. Up against the wall, his mouth moved to my neck and I arched needing more. I breathed heavy, feeling the heat between my legs.

It was strange but it didn’t make me waver. Not even for a second, in fact it made me more desperate. I moved my arms around his neck pulling his mouth back to mine.

His tongue slide against mine. Heat. It was smoldering all around me, consuming me.

He lifted me, my legs anchored me to his waist. His carried me into his room, our mouths fused together.

Then I was on his bed. He followed me, covering my body with his.

It was becoming more real. I waited for the fear that never came. The fear that had stopped me from letting anyone get this close to me. For a moment I thought of Beth. The women who had been here before me mattered little. I just wanted him, in that moment for myself. I wasn’t thinking of the future or past, for once. I was the one he was kissing, I was the one he wanted. There was no thinking or second guessing. I wanted him and the was all that mattered. Consequences be damned.

I glided my hands into his hair as he kissed me so deeply my toes curled. My body was so in sync with his, needful and instinctual.

My legs hugged his waist as he pressed his body against mine and I felt him. He was in this with me and that inflated my confidence that I wasn’t the only one that needed this. We both had our reasons and I didn’t care what his were, all the mattered was his body against mine making me feel hot and needy.

Then he stilled. He lifted his mouth from mine.

I held my breath fearful.

“Are you sure?”

This was my choice. I had the power to stop this.

Fearful if I opened my mouth I would somehow ruin this I lifted my mouth to touch his gently.

“Are you sure?” he insisted.

“Yes,” I managed to in a breathless whisper against his lips.