I held my breath as I stood fixed just inside the room. My eyes going to all the pictures on the one side of the wall where there was a desk, a computer and piles of papers.

I was held in limbo, in a place of curiosity and horror. There were so many pictures but the one that caught my attention was the last know photo of Alice before she vanished.

It hurt physically like a stab to my chest to look at that photo and remember how lively and excited she was about life. Her plans. All the things she would never have a chance fulfill. It was hurt more than sadness. It was soul destroying. Something that would not be overcome in one lifetime but over multiply ones. With each life, the pain lessened but never forgotten.

I found myself close enough to reach out my fingers and almost trace her smiling face. It was taken that night before we left. Before everything changed. I inhaled, my throat burned. I wished for so much, all of which was not possible. She was gone. There was no changing that. There was no stopping the tears that gathered in my eyes. It was so unfair. Why us? Why Alice? It was the questions I doubted I would ever get the answers to.

One slow footstep followed by another brought me closer. I couldn’t look away even when my vision was filled with horror and death.

I remembered somehow to breathe. Inhale and exhale. Basic human function.

Girls. There were pictures. Bodies. Blood. My mind barely register the crime scene photos as I flitted from one to the other.

The girls that had died. After Alice.

My breath came out heavy like I was just run a marathon, my lungs burned. Tears welled up in my eyes.

It was too terrible to comprehend. The death, the pain, the suffering. My lungs tightened.

There were pictures of the wounds. Deep gashes. Blood. So much blood.

I finally closed my eyes unable to take more in. It was too painful. Almost as if I wasn’t seeing it for the first time, I had see it before. It was there so deep inside buried in my grief.

The sharp pain in my head made be gasp and bent over. It did not relent, it worsened. I fell to my knees with my head in my hands.

“Hadley.” The voice was far away. I gasped and then groaned.

The pain was immeasurable. I heard footsteps.

“Hadley.” It was Dallas’ voice. “What’s wrong?”

“What the hell?” he exclaimed right next to me. His hands on my shoulders. “What happened?”

“Uh…” I moaned, unable to explain. It was in too much pain.

There was a gasp. Loud, cutting through the silence echoing.

The pain was so intense, like my head was going to explode.

“Hadley,” Dallas said again. He turned me to face him.

I began to weep. He wrapped his arm around me and held me close as he pulled out his phone.

“Yeah. I don’t know what’s going on. She is freaking the fuck out…Yeah…just hurry…”

The pain was so intense I could only groan, keeping my eyes tightly closed. I wanted the darkness to take the pain away and never let me experience it again.

But the darkness never came. The pain continued.

With a comforting arm around me Dallas steered my hunched form over to the sofa. I squinted into the light. As soon as he noticed my aversion to the light he switched off the main light. The only light illuminated from the tv screen.

“Better?”

I swallowed. “Yeah.”

“Jack’s on his way.”

I hated that I had worried him as I cradled my head.

“He should be back soon.” Dallas paced as he studied me. Stopping to occasionally rub his chin.

Time seemed to slow down and it felt like forever before the front door swung open.

“Where is she?” It was Jack. His voice frantic.

“On the sofa,” Dallas said.

The sofa beside me shifted as Jack sat down. “What’s happened?”

The question was directed to both Dallas and I.

“She went into the room…where you keep the case information.”

My throat felt so dry and I couldn’t even lift my head if I tried. Whatever I had experienced had wiped me physically.

“Hadley,” Jack said, his voice softer.

“I’m sorry,” I mumbled, feeling exposed and vulnerable.

“Where does it hurt?” he asked.

“My head. It feels like it’s going to explode,” I murmured, ensuring I sat as still as possible to limit the pain.

“Grab some painkillers from the kitchen,” Jack instructed Dallas.

There was some movement before Jack held out two pills and a glass of water.

I studied his offerings with apprehension knowing that even the slightest movement was going to hurt.

I took the pills and swallowed them quickly with a quick sip of water. My head pounded.

“Lie down,” Jack instructed, helping to lower my body so I lay on my back, my arm covering my eyes.

“You’ll be okay Had. The painkillers will kick in soon.”

He walked over to Dallas.

“Sorry man, I had no idea she had wandered in there.”

“It’s fine. It’s on me. I should have warned her.”

“Well that cat is out of the bag now.”

There was no hiding anything from me. I had seen it all. Every last bit of horror and death.

They moved to the kitchen while I lay in darkness, waiting for the painkillers to take effect.


**********

The sound of the gasp was followed by a gurgle. It was echoed off the bare walls in the darkness for what felt like forever.

“Alice?” I whispered into the darkness, frightened.

It was so dark I couldn’t see a thing.

But I could hear an agonized breath. It rattled that echoed through the darkness and then there was silence. Nothing.

“Alice?” I whispered, fear beating in my heart.

I shot up in the bed, gasping.

It was dark. My eyes shot around the room trying to take in my surroundings.

Hands steadied me.

I shoved the person away.

“Stop Had, it’s me.” Jack. His voice swept over me like the warmth of a blanket.

I gripped his shirt holding on for dear life for fear of having to face the darkness without him.

“It’s okay,” he soothed, like he would a frightened child.

But I was not a child and I knew that what I had just dreamt was real. Somehow I just knew. And it was terrifying.

I shook my head as he hugged me. “No..no..it’s not.”

I trembled, unable to stop myself from crying. He gathered me to his chest and rubbed my back gently. I held on to him so tight, my knuckles white.

He moved me onto his lap and rested his head son the top of my head.

I shuddered, trying to fight the memory burned in my mind. I didn’t want to remember, I wanted to forget.

“I’m sorry,” he said, in a low voice.

The room, the pictures. I didn’t want to think about it.

“I should have warned you.” His voice solemn.

But it was too late now. What was done was done and there was no going back. The door to my memories had been cracked open and there was no closing it now. I brushed my unshed tears that had gathered in my eyes away.

For a while we were silent, the strength of his arms kept me together. He made me feel secure and safe.

“You feeling better?” he asked easing his hold on me.

“Yeah,” I murmured, not sure I would ever be okay after what I had seen but I wasn’t going to tell him that.

“How’s the head?”

I touched my head. The painful headache was gone. “It’s better.”

“Good. You really had me worried there. I was debating whether to take you to the emergency room.”

It would have been the last thing I had wanted. All those strangers and the fluorescent lighting would not have helped.

I yawned.

“You’re tired.” He studied me.

“Don’t leave me,” I begged holding onto his shirt. Feeling panicked.

After the room and the nightmare, I was afraid of what had been released from my memories. I was unprepared for more.

“I won’t.” He pressed a kiss to the side of my head as his arms encircled me. “I’ll sleep here with you here tonight.”

“Thank you,” I whispered.

I didn’t know what I would do without him. And I hoped I would never have to find out.