“You can’t hide in there forever Hadley.”

I peered at the closed door, refusing to move an inch. In the bed I could hide from the reality I didn’t want to face. To face it I would have to be brave and I didn’t have it in me. I was too afraid, like the sixteen year old running through the dark terrified I was going to be killed.

“Hadley.”

The tone of Jack’s voice made me sit up in the bed and eye out the door. I wasn’t ready. I wasn’t ready for any of this. Deep down I knew I couldn’t ignore what was happening anymore and the responsibility of being the only survivor weighed heavily on my shoulders.

I was complicit if I did not do everything I could to help Jack catch the serial killer.

“Let me in.”

I slipped from the bed. My footsteps heavy as I walked across the room and opened the door. Jack’s eyes widened slight in surprise as I stood in front of him.

“You ready to come out?” he asked.

I stared at him, still unmoving.

“I know last night was difficult.”

I continued to stare at him. I had at times been thankful I could not remember everything for I feared what it would do to me.

“You’re the only who can stop him Hadley.” It was the hard truth. He studied me.

“I know.” I murmured, not wanting the responsibility. “I don’t want to see another girl die because I’m too scared to remember.”

At least if I was trying I wouldn’t feel such a suffocating guilt.

Inside the room I was scared of the unknown and the guilt was suffocating. But now the fear suppressed everything. The fear that I would have to face the darkest moments in my life. The fear that I would not be strong enough to survive it.

“I will help you in every way I can Had.”

I nodded slowly. He took my hand in his and I stepped over the threshold of the doorway.

“I’m scared,” I murmured as I stood beside Jack.

“I’ll be with you every step of the way,” he murmured in support.

“What if I don’t remember anything?” I whispered.

“Then at least you tried Hadley. No one could ask more of you.”

I leaned my head against his shoulder and he put his arm around me, pulling me into his embrace.

“We will find him, we have to.”

I closed my eyes and breathed heavily. I wanted to be able to find him more than anything. Maybe it would give me a peace that had evaded me for so long. The fear that every stranger I passed could be him. That he hid in the darkness of the shadows ready to grab me.

He hugged me tighter and then released me. “I got to make some phone calls.”

I nodded and trying to keep myself from falling into old habits to cope with the fear.

“I made some food, it’s in the kitchen,” he informed me as he walked down the hallway and I followed him.

I nodded again, not sure I could stomach even one bite. I glanced into the kitchen as he headed into the living room.

The smell of eggs and toast led me into the kitchen. He had placed the plate on the table. Feeling tired I sat down and picked up the fork, shifting the eggs around trying to build an appetite. He was no chef by any means, but it was the thought that counted.

It was while I sat in silently staring at the food I was pushing around my plate, Jack’s voice hummed in the background, too faint for me to make anything out, that I began to doubt I would even be able to remember anything.

What if the memories were too traumatic to remember. I exhaled slowly, trying to keep calm.

“Just try,” I murmured to myself.

I heard footsteps and Jack entered the kitchen from the living room.

“You okay?”

I straightened up and nodded. “Yeah.”

The chair across me scraped against the floor as he pulled it back to sit opposite me.

“You don’t have to pretend with me Had.” His deep gaze on me. There was no pretending with him.

I shrugged. “Do you really want to hear the truth?” I sighed deeply. “Like when someone ask how you are. They don’t really expect you to bare your soul. They want the nice surface version, you know?”

“I want the bare your soul. Always,” he stated softly.

I stared into his beautiful eyes. “I’m scared that I won’t be strong enough for this Jack. I’m afraid I’ll lose what little sanity I have left. And where does that leave me Jack.” I gave a humorless laugh before allowing my features to still. “There might be no saving me then.”

He reached across the table to take my hand in his. My gaze dropped to the affectionate action.

“I won’t let that happen.”

I wanted to believe that but there was a part of me that didn’t. “You want to catch him so badly, do you think you could stop yourself?”

He frowned deeply, his hand tightening its grip on mine. “Yes. I would not sacrifice you Had. Not for anything.”

I studied him, wanting to believe him. “So what’s the plan?” I asked, trying to change the subject.

“I’ve done some research. There has been a lot of success with hypnosis.”

Hypnosis? It sounded like a long shot.

“Does that really work?” I was less than convinced.

“I think it’s our best chance. There are other things we can try to jog your memory.”

I wet my lips nervously, unsure I wanted to hear any of his suggestions.

“Retracing the steps we know you took the night you disappeared.”

I held my breath, unable to expel the air.

“We can also go back to the place I found you.”

That was a step too far. I surged to my feet and backed away from him, feeling panicky.

He mirrored my movement, rising but instead of backing away he closed the distance softly. “I know it’s a lot so let’s just take one step at a time.”

“I can’t go back.” I was shaking my head, refusing to even entertain the idea. There was no way I could do it. No way.

“It’s okay..,” he soothed. “We don’t have to do anything you’re not ready for.”

I shook my head vigorously.

“Talk to me Had. Bare you soul.”

I blinked. The truth. He wanted the truth.

“I can’t. I won’t ever be ready to do that. I can’t go back there.” My back hit the wall and he stopped. His hands on me.

“Then we don’t go back there. Okay?”

His eyes held mine. “We don’t go back.” His voice steady and strong, the complete opposite to how I was feeling.

“Okay,” I murmured feeling the panic start to subside.

Once my body began to relax I felt so tired.

“Sit down,” he instructed gently leading me back to my seat and lowered me into the chair.

I inhaled a deep breath and held it, trying to count to ten but only got to four before I exhaled in a rush.

“I won’t force you into this Had. If you can’t do this you just have to say the word and we stop.”

In all honesty, I didn’t want to do any of it but the guilt that another death would follow if I didn’t at least try was enough to stop me from backing out.

“I don’t want to do it Jack, I have to.”

He still had my hand in his, his thumb brush against my skin gently. “We’ll take it one step at a time Had. Just one step. We don’t take in the whole mountain, we just concentrate on the step in front of us.”

I nodded. I could that. One small step at a time.

And maybe, just maybe we could get to the top of the proverbial mountain.

“But first you need to eat,” he instructed, moving my plate in front of me.

I lifted the fork wit some scrambled eggs and began to chew.

He was right.

I had to remember I wasn’t in this alone, I had him. Strong and dependable. Someone I trusted with my life, the life he had saved.

If he hadn’t found me that night, who knows what would have happened.