Adonis

It was late morning and I was leaning against the kitchen counter drinking my coffee contemplating my talk with Lacey. Just the thought of her name was enough to make me feel aware of how I felt about her. That had been the hardest thing I had ever had to do. It had never been my intention to hurt her but I couldn't keep banging my head against the same wall over and over again. At some point something I had to give up. My decision to let her go hadn't just been selfish, I had done it for her too.

She had enough going on without having to take on my feelings for her. Now that I had taken that off the table now she could concentrate on getting better. That was all that mattered. I was committed to helping her, distancing myself from her had not impacted that. I had let go of any hope that there would be an us in the future, whether she remembered or not. I had to do it for my own sanity.

I was still drinking my coffee when she walked in. Despite my decision I couldn't stop my heart from skipping a beat at the sight of her. She was beautiful dressed in pajamas with no make up and her hair unbrushed. I mentally reminded myself I couldn't look at her that way anymore. I had to look at her like a friend, because that was the only thing she could be to me.

"You sleep okay?" I asked.

She nodded and padded over to the kitchen table where she sat down. I could see the tiredness still etched in her features. She hadn't slept well.

"You want coffee?" I asked, trying to stop myself from thinking about our conversation the day before.

"Yes, please."

I filled a cup for her and gave it to her. The slight touch of fingers against mine sent a tingle right through me.

I realized even though I had made the decision to keep her at a distance, I couldn't totally control it. My mind couldn't erase what my heart felt, or the attraction I for her. I would have to find a way to deal with it. There was no wiping away what I felt for her just because I decided to let her go. It was going to be hard to do what was right when my heart felt it was wrong.

She took a sip of the hot aromatic liquid and I watched her.

"So what's the plan?" she asked as she set the cup down on the counter.

"We'll be leaving tomorrow to go on tour," I told her. "Your passport and flights have been sorted out."

She nodded as she listened.

"You'll stay where I stay," I added. I had already sorted it all out with Trisha.

To be able to ensure she didn't slide back down into her old of habit of dealing with her issues I wasn't going to let her out of my sight if I could help it.

"What does that mean?" she asked softly, her eyes big.

"You'll share my hotel suite."

She frowned.

"There'll be two rooms with their own beds," I clarified.

"Okay."

"I meant what I said yesterday," I explained and she looked up to me again. "I won't abandon you. I will do everything I can to get you through this."

She swallowed before taking a sip of her cup again.

"So what am I going to do when you're busy performing and stuff?" she asked.

"You'll be backstage," I answered leaning against the counter. "I want to keep your close to make sure you don't do something you shouldn't."

"You can't watch me all the time," she muttered before her teeth sank into her bottom lip.

"You're right, I can't," I said softly looking deep into her eyes. "I have to trust you."

I wanted her to feel whole again but I couldn't do it if she wasn't committed to it either. She pressed her lips together while our gazes held.

"Do you want to get better?" I asked and she nodded. "So when I'm not around I'll have to trust you."

"You can trust me," she said. She seemed to be sincere but only time would tell.

She smiled weakly at me and I felt my heart flutter to life. Before I could allow the full affect of her to hit me I headed out of the kitchen to catch my breath. I had made my decision but I had no idea how I was going to fight what I felt for her. This was going to be more difficult than I'd initially anticipated.

My phone rang. I got it out of the back of my jeans and I answered it.

"So how did it go?" Aiden asked. Looking out of the window of my bedroom I tried to find the words to answer him.

"Was it that bad?" he asked when I didn't immediately answer.

"No," I answered with a heavy sigh. "She took it pretty well. She was a little upset but I think she'll get over it."

"I'm not so sure about that," he said and I shook my head. I didn't want to hear that.

"She needs to be able to concentrate on herself and having to deal with her feelings for me was only going to get in the way of that," I reminded him.

"You think your doing what's best for her but I think you're making a mistake," he told me.

Raking a hand through my hair I pushed away from the window began to pace my room.

"I have to believe I'm doing the right thing." The pain that still throbbed in my chest made me that maybe I wasn't but I didn't want to second guess my decision. I had made my choice and I had to stand by it.

"I hope it all works out like you want it to," Aiden said. "Give me a shout if you need to talk."

"Thanks," I said. I was under no illusions that the next few weeks weren't going to be easy.

"If someone had told me that we would have become friends I would have told them they were smoking good stuff," he said.

I chuckled. He was right. I had been jealous of his friendship with Lacey and there had been a time when I had been convinced they had been a lot more than friends.

"Life has a strange way of turning out," I added. If I had been told Lacey would have forgotten about us and what had happened in the months that followed I wouldn't have believed it but here I was, living through it.

"Anyway. Have a safe trip and keep me updated," he said.

"I will," I said before I ended the call.

The rest of the day and most of the next was filled with packing and getting ready for our two week trip. I packed like I usually did which was dumping clothes into my suitcase.

Lacey was much more organized. I swear she packed and repacked four times with everything neatly folded into her suitcase before she finally zipped up her suitcase so I could take it to the front door. We were leaving early the next morning and the driver was picking us up for the house.

"Have you set your alarm?" I asked her as I set my suitcase down next to hers.

"Yup," she said nodding. She bit her lip.

"Why do you look so nervous?" I asked.

She shrugged.

"I've never flown before," she revealed. I looked at her with shock, not quite believing her statement.

"You've never flown?" I asked again.

That wasn't possible, was it? I'd travelled so much it was like second nature. I never worried about forgetting to pack something either because I knew whatever I might forget I could always get where I was going.

"No. I've never been anywhere."

It just reminded me of how different our lives were. I'd been all over the world already.

"You don't need to be nervous," I assured her. "Planes are pretty safe these days."

"I'm sure it'll be fine," she said before dropping her eyes to the floor.

I had to suppress the need to hold her close and tell her everything would be okay. For my sanity I had to keep my distance.

**********

Lacey

"What do you want for supper tonight?" Adonis asked as he walked into the living room where I was watching TV.

I had a craving for something sweet. I sat up. Yes, I knew exactly what I wanted.

"I'll make dinner," I offered standing up.

"Okay," he said. "Can I help?"

"No I've got it," I told him. He shrugged his broad shoulders before I left the room.

I searched through the cupboards looking for my ingredients I needed. We were leaving in the morning so the kitchen wasn't fully stocked but I still found the ingredients I needed.

I put the flour and the eggs together. Humming to myself I began to mix. My thoughts of my memory loss and Adonis took back seat while I cooked supper.

The thing with his fancy kitchen was searching for what I needed but eventually I had everything I needed and I started to pour the pancake mix into the frying pan. The smell of the delicious food began to fill the air. I felt so relaxed. It was one of the few times I didn't feel that emptiness that needed to be filled. In fact I felt at peace. Inhaling the sweet smell before exhaling happily.

I flipped the pancake over. A minute later I was removing it while I happily continued to hum again. I had just finished my third pancake when I heard a slight noise by the doorway. I turned to see Adonis watching me with a reserved expression. I smiled at him.

"You're making pancakes."

I nodded as I turned my attention back to pouring the next pancake into the sizzling pan.

"They smell good," he said as he came to stand beside me. He took a pancake and shoved it into his mouth.

I stilled. Something pulled at me as I watched, hypnotized as he ate the entire pancake. When he was finished his eyes caught my stare.

"What is it?" he asked with concern.

Feeling bewildered and lost I just stood there unable to put what I was experiencing into words. He took the frying pan from me and moved it off the stove.

"Talk to me," he said, his hands holding my arms.

Something pulled again inside of me. I was on the edge of something I couldn't explain. The pancakes, the way he stuffed the whole pancake in his mouth.

"Harp, say something? You're freaking me out," he pleaded with me and my eyes stayed transfixed.

I was seeing a glimpse of something, familiar. I wanted to reach out and hold onto that feeling but as I tried to place what was happening the moment ended.

Adonis shook me gently.

"Harp, what's wrong?" he asked. At the sound of his voice again my eyes snapped to his.

"I don't know how to make pancakes."

He frowned and I pulled away from him. Pressing my hand to my mouth I tried to figure out what happened. I stopped and walked over to the two remaining pancakes that were perfectly cooked on the plate beside the stove.

I picked them up and looked at them like they were a foreign object that didn't belong. I didn't know how to cook. How was it possible that I had made the batter for pancakes from scratch?

"You can't cook," Adonis repeated behind me. I turned to face him. He looked pale, like he had just seen a ghost.

Then I remembered that familiar feeling of what I had felt watching him eat a pancake. It had a deja vu feeling to it like I had experienced this before. I racked my memories. My fingers touched my temple.

"You remembered something." It was a statement. I ignored it as I tried to remember back to a memory where this had happened but I came up blank. It wasn't possible. I was so useless in the kitchen my parents had banned me for fear of me burning it down.

"Harp," he softly prompted and I looked at him sharply. Something had happened but I didn't know if I was remembering.

Feeling overwhelmed I closed my eyes for a moment. Hands reached for me and when I opened them Adonis steered me to sit in the closest chair.

"I don't know what happened," I felt the need to say to him. The look of hope was too much to tell him that I hadn't exactly remembered something.

It was more a familiar feeling in my subconscious. My eyes went back to the evidence that I had knowledge of something that hadn't happened in my memories.

Adonis knelt down in front of me. His eyes level with mine.

"Talk to me," he said.

"I can't cook. I don't know...how I made the pancakes," I began to explain. My hand going to my head again subconsciously. The peaceful feeling was gone with feeling of familiarity and all I was left with was a darkness. It was a feeling of loss.

"It's okay," Adonis soothed me. He pulled me close and I rested my head against his shoulder. His hand rubbed my back gently. After everything that had happened I should have pulled away from him but I didn't. I felt emotionally weak and I needed his support. I couldn't do this in my own.

Silence settled in the room as he continued to hug me and it made me feel a little better. Finally able to settle my racing emotions I moved out of his embrace.

"How are you feeling?" he asked softly as his eyes searched mine.

"I don't know," I replied.

I felt a little happiness at the fact that I had experienced something from the lost memories but there was also the fear that I had no control of getting them back.

"Do you want me to call the specialist?" he asked.

I shook my head.

"It's late. You can call him tomorrow."

"You sure?" he asked as he rose to his feet.

Feeling stronger I stood up and nodded my head.

"Yes."

"You want me to finish cooking the pancakes?," he offered and I laughed with no humor.

"You'll have to because I don't know how."

I took a seat by the counter and watched as he completed the task of making pancakes. I had hoped it would trigger something but nothing happened.

Feeling a little disheartened and disappointed that nothing was jogging my memory I decided to go to bed early. I needed time alone to work through my thoughts and to try and make sense of them.

"You sure you're okay?" Adonis asked when I told him I was going to bed. "You haven't eaten yet."

"I'm not hungry. I'm just tired."

I felt the heat of his gaze follow me out the kitchen.

That night I tossed and turned. It was so hard to get my mind to switch off for long enough for me to drift off to sleep. Eventually exhausted I fell into restless sleep that only lasted a couple of hours.

I snoozed the alarm the first time it went off. I was so tired and my eyes wouldn't open. The second time I snoozed the alarm I heard a knock at my door.

"Are you up?" Adonis asked, through the door.

"Mm," I replied not wanting to leave the warmth of my bed. I burrowed deeper pulling my pillow over my head.

I ignored the sound of the door opening.

"Harp. You need to get up," Adonis repeated and I groaned when he lifted the pillow off me. I rolled onto my side kept my back to him hoping he would leave me alone.

"Come on," he said more insistent as I felt him pull at my duvet.

"Just five more minutes," I told him, trying to convince myself I was actually going to get up.

"Come on," he said before he pulled the comforter off me despite my weak attempt to hold onto.

"Geez," I moaned as I opened my eyes and pinned him with a look that told him how close he was to being murdered.

He ignored me and pulled me up to sit.

"I'm up," I grumbled as I shoved his hands away. I tried to stifle a yawn.

"I'll make you coffee," he offered. He left the room and I rubbed my tired eyes. The upside was I could sleep on the plane.

By the time I was dressed I was in serious need of a caffeine kick. Adonis set a cup of steaming brown liquid that smelled devine when I sat down by the kitchen counter.

"Thank you," I mumbled before I took my first sip.

Nerves knotted in my stomach as I finished my coffee.

"The driver will be here in ten minutes," he told me as he rinsed his cup of coffee.

I nodded my head. He left me alone and I let out a tired sigh. I was still so tired I struggled to handle my thoughts. A lot of things had happened over the last few days and it had been a lot to take in. I had no doubt that the next week was going to be just as eventful.