Adonis

I was simmering with my dark thoughts wondering if was doing the right thing by backing her into a corner, leaving her with only one choice.

A knock at the door pulled me out of my thoughts and I strode to the front door.

"Hey," Alex greeted. I had been expecting him to come on his own but he'd brought his parents.

"Hi," I greeted him and his parents as I stepped back and ushered them into my house. They followed me into the living room.

"Where is she?" Mrs Harper asked, looking worried.

"She's in the guest bedroom."

Her mom nodded her head. They knew about my plans to get their daughter on the right track. I had no way to know how they would feel about it but when Alex had told them about my plans they had backed me. They knew how much I loved her and that I would do anything to keep her from destroying herself. Besides for months she'd been struggling to cope and no one had realised how bad it had gotten.

I was willing to do whatever it took and despite my busy working schedule I was prepared to put her recovery first. Unfortunately I couldn't cancel the tour that had been planned before all this had happened. I had a responsibility to my band and they people who depended on us, including our fans so I was going to take Lacey with me.

"I don't know what's gotten into her," Mrs Harper said wringing her hands.

"It's okay," I assured her. "I'll get her the help she needs."

In my mind there had to be a way to make it right. It wasn't a lost cause.

"You've done so much for her and for us," her mother continued hoarsely and I stepped forward to hug her.

"It's no problem."

Mr Harper gave me a brief nod that echoed his wife's words.

"Here's her stuff," Alex said placing a duffel bag I recognised as Lacey's beside the sofa.

"Thanks," I said before I released his mom.

At that moment Lacey appeared in the doorway still only dressed in my shirt that reached her knees. She looked nervous as her eyes took in the scene in front of her.

"Baby," her mom said before walking to her. Lacey looked like she was going to cry as her mom hugged her.

Her father stood beside them with a stern expression.

"I'm sorry mom," she murmured. The emotional edge in her voice pulled at my heart. I shoved my hands in the front pocket of my jeans as Alex stood beside me.

"You're doing the right thing," he murmured to me.

"I hope so," I replied. There was no way you know that effectively blackmailing her into getting help wouldn't destroy what little chance there could be for us to be together.

Someone had to do something. We couldn't just watch from the sidelines and do nothing while hoping she'd pull herself together. I couldn't imagine what it would be like to wake up and not remember how I'd gotten there. It had to be a lot of deal with. Guilt that I hadn't realised that she needed help sooner plagued me. But I was here now.

When Lacey pulled away from her she brushed tears from her face. "I promise I'll do whatever I need to get myself together."

"I'm sorry we never realised sooner." I could see it was difficult for her mother to admit they hadn't realised what she had been dealing with.

"I'll come home and I promise to do whatever I have to," Lacey told her mom. Mrs Harper stilled watching her daughter with a regretful expression.

"I'm sorry baby but we all agreed with Adonis' plan for your recovery," her mother told her. Lacey looked betrayed when her eyes flickered to mine. She really detested me at that moment.

"He can get you the help we can't," her mother added.

Lacey pressed her lips together while her eyes scanned us.

"Nothing like being ganged up on," she muttered before she turned and disappeared out of the room.

"Well that didn't go well," Mr. Harper muttered.

"She'll get over it. When she realises we're doing it for her own good," Alex said.

"I think it'll be best to keep our distance until she comes around," Mr. Harper added.

"If we're doing the right thing why do I feel so crappy," Mrs. Harper murmured with her eye still on the empty doorway her daughter had fled through.

It wasn't going to be easy but we had to put our own feelings aside and do the right thing even if she hated us for it.

"Let me know if she needs anything else," Alex said before they left.

Alone, I took her duffel bag to her room. Unsurprisingly her door was closed. I knocked but there was no answer.

"Open the door Harp," I demanded but there was no response.

I opened the door slowly and peered inside. She lay on the bed facing the wall with her back to me.

"Don't I get any privacy," she said.

"When you stop acting like a spoiled child."

Her back stiffened. I didn't want to fight with her. I didn't want every moment to be a battle of wills. The time would come when she realised we were doing all of this not to punish her but to make her better.

"Here's your stuff," I said ignoring her previous dig. "If you need anything else let me know and I'll get Alex to bring it over."

She ignored me.

"There'll be food in the kitchen when you're ready to eat," I told her.

I stood watching her for a few seconds before I decided to give her time alone to work through her anger.

Needing to keep myself busy I went into my study and called Trisha.

"Hi," she answered.

"I need you to do me a favour," I asked.

"Sure."

Luckily Lacey had a valid passport. I just needed Trisha to sort out the travel arrangements. I explained what I needed. Once I was done there was a moment of silence.

"Is this for your friend who was ill?" She asked.

"Yes," I answered. Lacey wasn't just a friend. What she was to me was complicated and I didn't want to have to explain it to Trisha.

I had already cleared my intention to bring Lacey on tour with my band mates. Link and Sage were happy to have her around. I had only confided in Link about the truth. The alcohol and her spiral out of control.

After I finished my call with Trisha I went into the kitchen to get a bottle of water. Inside the living room I sunk into the sofa and put my feet up on the coffee table. I wanted to check on Lacey but I decided to give her space.

I flipped through the channels until I found an action movie that didn't look that bad. While trying to keep my mind on the story unraveling on screen I couldn't stop thinking about Lacey. Had she had a shower yet? I checked my watch it was well past lunch time and she hadn't eaten anything yet. I was thinking whether to go and hunt her down and insist that she come out of her room to as least get something to eat when I heard a noise by the doorway.

She wasn't wearing my shirt anymore. Her hair was wet which indicated she'd showered and she was wearing sweats and a shirt.

"Can I join you?" she asked softly. Instead of answering her I shifted slightly and patted the seat beside me.

She walked in and sat down beside me. I watched her as she sat closer than I expected.

"I'm still angry with you," she reminded me as she moved closer and I held my breath.

She snuggled so close she laid her head on my shoulder. Taken by surprise it took me a moment before I brought my arm around her. It felt strange and right all at once.

"Being close to you helps," she murmured explaining her strange actions and it made my heart warm at the thought that just being close to me had such an effect on her.

We never said another word. With her tucked into my side we continued to watch the movie and for that moment despite everything going on I felt happy.

**********

Lacey

I bit my lip as I sat watching TV with Adonis' arm around me. My head rested against his shoulder. The turmoil inside of me was muted and for the first time in a while I wasn't experiencing that hollowness inside.

I wanted to stay in that moment but time didn't stand still.

The next day reinforced the fact Adonis was taking charge of my mess of a life. Even knowing he was doing it because he cared didn't stop me from rebelling. By admitting I needed help was admitting I wasn't strong enough that it was difficult.

The specialist spent most of my appointment lecturing me on the dangers of mixing my medication with alcohol. Adonis had gone with. The ride back to his house had been quiet. As soon as we got inside I went straight to my room.

My appointment with the shrink wasn't for another couple of hours and I needed space. Closing the door and keeping to myself for a while helped me with the simmering anger at being forced to face something I didn't feel I was ready to.

Sitting on the bed with my head in my hands I couldn't help feeling that my body had let me down. My mind couldn't remember what it should and not being able to remember those moments left me in limbo, unable to move on. No matter how hard I'd tried I was left with the disappointment that it wasn't going to happen.

My thoughts drifted to how my life would have been if I hadn't forgotten. My eyes drifted around the room I was in. If my memories hadn't been lost I probably would have been deliriously happy with Adonis. I closed my eyes for a moment as an overwhelming emotion of loss filled me. Letting out a heavy sigh I opened them again pushing the negative feeling away.

He was still here. I was still here. He cared about me and I still loved him. Why couldn't we go back to us?

Yesterday when I had been so close to him, even though it had eased that feeling of loss it had still made me a little awkward. It was like seeing an ex-boyfriend. That hadn't been the case. Nothing had gone wrong between us to sour our feelings. What had happened hadn't been within our control. There was no talking the problem to a solution.

With the heavy thoughts the walls began to close in on me and I needed space. I stood up and left my room not sure where I was going. I began to wonder around Adonis' house taking in his taste for modern furniture and decor.

A slight noise made me stop just outside another bedroom door a few doors down from mine. The door was ajar and I let my eyes drift inside.

The sight of Adonis sitting on the side of his bed with head in his hands. His back to me. I felt like I was intruding but I couldn't stop myself.

From the time I had woken up from surgery it had all been about me, giving little thought to the people around me who had been affected by what had happened to me. Watching him silently gave me the briefest glimpse into the guy who been deeply affected by my situation.

He looked sad and defeated. He lifted his head and let out a heavy sigh. I wanted to be able to do something to lift the burden on him but I didn't know how. Remembering wasn't an option, I had already tried. Even the surgeon had told me that the likelihood was I would never and seeking therapy to find a way to deal with it was my best option.

Therapy took time I didn't want to waste.

Adonis stilled. His head turned slowly and he looked over his shoulder to where I stood watching him. My feet felt like lead and I couldn't budge. Something strong kept me fixed in my place.

His eyes found mine and my heart skipped a beat. There was a deep sadness in his eyes that made me take a small step forward. I wanted to comfort him, to put my arms around him and hold him close to push his sadness away. I stopped myself, feeling anxious and unsure of my actions.

He stilled, his eyes still holding mine. My breath caught in my lungs as I felt the full effect of his arctic blue eyes on me. His expression was reserved while we stared at each other.

I wanted to be brave enough to walk to him but my fears and insecurities kept me still. I was looking for a sign from him to push through my hesitation. But I never got it from him. After a few more moments he tore his eyes from mine and looked back out of the window in front of him.

I felt a tear at my heart so small that it wouldn't leave permanent damage but it was enough for me take one step back and then another. Rejection filled me. Back inside my room I sat down on the bed struggling to breath.

It wasn't like I was ready to pick up from where we'd left off but I hadn't expected him to shut me out like that. It only reinforced my insecurity that my inability to push through this would effect my relationships with the people who loved and cared for me.

Adonis cared about me and seeing the visible signs of strain had been hard to take in. I had been so selfish to think that I was the only one who was struggling through this. He had been too. Was it becoming too much? Would it just be easier for him to walk away?

That thought made my heart ache and I took a deep breath to pull myself through the drowning sensation that squeezed my lungs. He had been dealing with this for months while I had been oblivious to his pain. I felt like the most selfish person ever.

He had done so much for me. He had rearranged his life to make sure he could oversee I got the help I needed. But were his feelings for me strong enough to survive this. What if it became too much would he let me go and move on with someone else? That thought made me feeling a horrible despair. I wanted him but I just didn't know how to be with him.

Putting a hand to my head I tried to still the chaotic thoughts flitting through my mind, one by one. Overwhelming.

I didn't see him again until it was time to go to the shrink. He tried putting on a smile when he opened the door of the car for me but I could see the tension in his eyes. I kept myself preoccupied with my nervousness at having to talk to a total stranger about my innermost thoughts.

The shrink wasn't what I had been expecting. Instead of an old man with glasses I was introduced to a young woman, Dr. Charles, who gave me a friendly smile as she ushered me alone into her office. Adonis remained in the waiting room.

The next hour with my initial fears eased I began to open up to her, giving her background information and relaying the events that had brought me to her office. There hadn't been enough time to get into anything really deep but by the end of the appointment I was emotionally drained.

In Adonis' car I closed my eyes and let out a sigh as I leaned my head back against the head rest.

"That bad?" he asked softly as he started up the car.

"It was hard putting into words what I've been through," I replied opening my eyes and letting them drift to him. He was pulling into the street. He gave me a an encouraging smile before he fixed his eyes back on the road.

"It'll get better," he assured me softly. I wasn't as convinced but I had to hope that Dr Charles would be able to help me get through my memory loss and learn to deal with it without feeling like I was missing something so important.

I closed my eyes again, feeling tired. The soft warmth of his hand covered mine. I felt my heart flutter at his touch. His fingers intertwined with mine and I felt more hopeful that I could find my way back to the person I had been before the hole in my memories had torn me apart.