Adonis

I had wished for this moment for the last three months, ever since she had woken up and looked at me with the love missing from her eyes. Her big eyes pleaded with mine as she gripped my arm. It was like I was her lifeline and she wasn't letting go.

For a moment I weighed up the pros and cons as I stared intently into her eyes. I didn't want to do anything that would harm her recovery but I couldn't continue to lie to her. I could see the torment in her eyes.

"I'll tell you everything," I relented and she gave me a relieved smile before her eyes went to where her hand still gripped my arm and she released me.

"Sorry," she mumbled as she stepped back. She wrapped her arms around her waist. "I don't know what's going on with me."

I wanted to put my arms around her and hug her tightly while telling her everything would be okay but I didn't want to confuse her.

First I needed to tell her the truth. Even though I knew she'd loved me once I was still nervous at how she would react to hearing me reveal how close we had been. Gently by a hold on her arm I led her to her bed and she sat down. I stepped back trying to formulate how I could tell her about us without it being too much of a shock.

Silence settled between us.

"You're not changing your mind?" she asked, looking at me with concern.

I shook my head still not convinced that this was the right thing to do. Once I told her everything there was no taking it back.

"Then spit it out," she demanded.

"Something else happened in the time you forgot," I began to explain, still trying to find the right words but coming up blank.

"What? Tell me," she insisted, her anger gone but there was a nervousness in her actions.

I sat down beside her on the bed and took her hands into mine. To me they fit perfectly in mine, like they'd been made for mine. I let out a deep breath before I looked up to her, holding her gaze.

"You don't remember me." There I'd said it.

"I remember who you are. You're my brother's best friend and I've known you all my life. I haven't forgotten who you are," she scoffed but my serious expression made her still.

"I was more than that." It felt like I was ripping open my chest and baring the vulnerability of my heart to her without any protection. For all I knew she could reject me. There was no guarantee that we would be able to get back to what we had.

"What do you mean?" she asked, with a tremor in her voice.

"I wasn't just Alex's best friend," I began to say and I watched her swallow nervously. "I'm the guy who fell for you."

There I'd said it and I waited for her reaction. She seemed shocked, her mouth opened slightly.

"Really?" she asked in disbelief.

I nodded.

After a few moments she pulled her hands from mine and stood up. Pacing back and forth I watched while she tried to take in what I said. The she stopped to face me. Her teeth sank into her bottom lip as she stared at me. It was like she was trying to figure out what to ask next.

"How...did...when?" she asked, her thoughts clearly all over the place.

I wasn't sure where to start so I decided to start where it had all began.

"You remember when Tommy and his friends were teasing you?" I asked.

She nodded.

"From that day I started to feel differently about you. You weren't just my best friend's little sister."

Her eyes still held mine.

"But why did it take you so long to tell me?" she asked in a whisper.

"My life is crazy and the press are relentless. I didn't want that for you. I wanted you to have a normal life without the press documenting and judging every move you made."

"What made you change your mind?" she asked.

I stood up. "I was too selfish."

Her eyes followed me as I stepped closer. Being this close to her was so tempting. I could just reach out and pull her close but I had to resist the urge.

"Up until you were diagnosed with the brain tumour I was able to keep my distance, I put you before myself." I reached out and touched her cheek softly with the tips of my fingers. "But when we realised you might not make it and you were running out of time, every reason I had to keep you at a distance seemed inconsequential."

She pressed her hands to her mouth as a tear slid down her face. This time I gave into the urge to put my arms around her and pull her close. I pressed a kiss on her forehead. Letting out a deep breath I held her while she dealt with the emotions of my revelations.

After a few minutes she moved back and looked up to me with a vulnerability that brought out a fierce protectiveness for her.

"So you and I were something?" she asked, not sure what to label us as.

I smiled remembering our precious few moments together.

"Yes."

Her hands rested on my waist as we continued to stand in front of each other.

"How serious were we?" she asked. She bit her lip nervously.

I didn't want to overwhelm her but I wasn't going to lie.

"Very serious."

I don't think anyone realised how serious I was about her. She was everything to me. Even though we were young I knew she was who I wanted, I didn't want anyone else.

"Did we kiss?" she asked, her voice a little hoarse as she gazed up to me before her eyes rested on my lips. Her tongue swept across her bottom lip and I wanted to kiss her so badly.

"Yes," I replied fixing my eyes to her lips. I wanted to lean forward and covers her lips with mine but I stopped myself. Patience. I had to give her time to wrap her mind around everything I'd revealed.

"Would you kiss me?" Her request came as a complete surprise.

I wanted nothing more but I wanted to make sure I wasn't rushing her.

"Are you sure?" I asked. She nodded.

Her eyes rested on my lips as I leaned forward. She closed her eyes when my breath tickled her lips before I kissed her softly. It felt like we were kissing for the first time. Her lips soft against mine as I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her close. It was heaven. I wanted to deepen our kiss but I had to stop myself and lift my lips from hers.

She touched her lips with her fingers.

"That was...wow," she said, breathlessly. The caveman in me wanted to beat my chest.

There had been times when I had imagined kissing her again but nothing lived up the reality of it.

"Did we?" she asked and I frowned not sure what she was asking.

"Did we what?"

"You know," she said shyly and I realised what she was getting at.

The smile that spread across my face left her with do doubt to the answer.

"Oh," she said, blushing a deep red in her cheeks. She stepped back turned away from me. Feeling helpless I shoved my hands into the pockets of my jeans and watched her.

"I know it's a lot to take in."

"You have no idea," she said turning to face me again. She looked so lost I wanted to reach out and anchor her to me.

She took in a deep breath and exhaled.

"It feels...like I was watching the start of the movie and suddenly I'm watching the end credits roll up the screen and I can't remember how I got here."

What if she never remembered? Would she always be searching for those missing memories?

"What if you never remember?" I asked, knowing there was a good chance she never would.

"I don't know."

I didn't know how to feel. I had hoped that by telling her about what we'd shared would have pulled us closer together but while I stood watching her I felt like it had pulled us further apart.

**********

Lacey

It was unbelievable.

My chest tightened as my emotions swirled around trying to make sense of what I'd just learned. Taking a in a deep breath I held it for a few seconds before I expelled it. Staring at my reflection in the bathroom mirror everything Adonis had said repeated through my mind searching for the memories that matched but there were none.

My fingertips went to my lips when I remembered when he'd kissed me. Closing my eyes I tried to hold that feeling of awareness that rushed through me. It was like my body remembered what my mind couldn't.

This is insane.

Opening my eyes again I stared at myself for a few more minutes trying to sort through my feelings. I didn't want to have to go out and socialise and pretend my world hadn't been knocked sideways.

Get yourself together. I told myself.

Clutching the counter so tight my knuckles turned white I took a few more deep breaths trying to rid myself of the overwhelming feelings inside.

Adonis liked me. No it had more than that. That thought nearly took my breath away. It had been too much to handle and I had left the room.

"Lacey, you okay in there?" It was Alex.

I looked to the door and let go of the counter. I had expected Adonis to come looking for me but he knew I
needed space and was giving it to me.

"I'm fine," I replied trying to keep my emotions out of my voice.

"Open the door," he demanded. He wasn't buying it.

Glancing back at the mirror I soothed my hair before I opened the door. My brother's eyes held mine.

"Gray told me he told you everything."

I nodded. The music was blaring outside.

"How are you handling it?" he asked while he scanned my face.

I shrugged, trying to pretend it hadn't shaken my already fragile world.

"If you need anyone to talk to I'm here," he offered.

"I'll be fine," I said, brushing his help off. I was still hurt by the fact they had lied.

I walked past him out the bathroom and made my way downstairs. I briefly saw Reece standing beside Aiden. The pain in the middle of my chest spread. Reece's eyes met mine and I saw regret but I was still feeling too raw to be able to pretend they hadn't all lied to me.

My gaze shifted form Reece to Aiden. His looked at me like he knew me but to me he was a stranger. I turned away from him. Not only was I hurting, I was hurting the people who cared about me. Aiden cared about me but I wasn't that same person, and no matter how hard I wanted to remember, I didn't.

Plastering a fake smile on my face I flashed it as I made my way into the kitchen to find a drink.

For a moment I hesitated before I filled the glass and took a big gulp. The alcohol burned down my throat and I gasped, my hold on the bottle of tequila tightened. Feeling my emotions start to bubble to the surface I took another gulp of the emotion numbing alcohol. This time it didn't burn as much.

"I don't think that's a good idea."

I closed my eyes for a moment and took a deep breath before releasing it. I set the bottle down on the table and with my glass in my hand I turned to face Adonis.

He took in the half full glass of alcohol I held.

"It isn't going to help," he told me stepping forward to take the glass from me but I held it protectively to my chest.

"It helps." My voice was a whisper. When I was drunk the didn't feel the aching hole inside of me.

He had no idea how lost I'd felt and there had been times that only the harsh taste of alcohol had numbed the emotions and feelings I couldn't stand to deal with. He dropped his outreached his hand when I wouldn't give him the glass.

"Let me help you," he asked. He had a way of pulling at my heart strings. But I couldn't help myself, I took another gulp of my glass. My gaze held his disapproving one as I swallowed the liquid. I bit down on my lip.

The reality the only way to fix me would be for me to remember and he couldn't help me with that. No one could.

"You're not supposed to be drinking while you taking your medication," he said, trying another angle to get me to stop.

"You sound like my parents," I replied dryly.

"If you stopped acting like a child then I wouldn't have to act like a parent," he replied fiercely, taking me by surprise.

My mouth opened as I stood there in shock. He had never spoken like that to me ever. Tears stung my eyelids while I tried to keep him from seeing how his words had affected me.

"Why are you being so irresponsible?" he said, laying into me. His eyes darkened with anger.

"You have no idea what I've been throug-"

"You've been through a lot but that is no excuse to use alcohol to work your way through it. We've all been through a lot." He added, his anger still strong.

"You didn't go through surgery, you didn't nearly die."

I swallowed my emotions down. He studied me.

"No I didn't but that doesn't mean the last few months haven't been hell." He raked a hand through his hair before letting out a deep breath. The rugged tiredness in his features struck at something inside of me.

Months of hell. It made me feel guilty for forgetting about what we had.

"I'm sorry I forgot you," I whispered. I still loved him so much even though in my mind I'd never been more to him that his best friend's little sister despite what he told me and the kiss we'd shared.

"It's not your fault," he said taking a step closer to me but I was feeling too emotional to want to be any closer to him so I took a step backward. He frowned when he took the action in.

"If I could remember then all of this would stop," I argued. Feeling angry because my mind had failed me.

He wanted to argue with me but he pressed his lips tightly together. He knew as well as I did that I was telling the truth. If I hadn't lost my memories than we probably would have been happily dating rather than wrestling with the unknown reality that I would never remember and what that meant for the both of us.

"Alcohol is just going to make things worse," he told me, his tone gentle.

My hold on my glass tightened. I needed it to cope and I wasn't ready to give it up. Even his concerned expression wasn't enough for me to hand the glass to him.

"You don't understand." I felt so lost.

I took another sip of the liquid. Adonis shook his head.

"What did you expect to happen when you told me about us?" I asked, curious to what he'd expected.

He brushed his hair out of his face.

"I don't know," he said with a shrug. "This isn't really about me though."

I frowned, not quite understanding what he was getting at.

"This is about you. You wanted to know," he explained. "If I thought that keeping it from you was the best thing for you I wouldn't have said a word and I would have suffered through it."

It made me feel worse. He was willing to do what was best for me.

In that moment I hated myself for putting him through this and for what I was going to put him through. I felt like I was spiralling out of control and nothing could stop me.

"I thought being able to figure out what I'd lost would help me with this horrible feeling of loss but it hasn't."

In fact it had made things worse. Not only was I struggling with my emotional turmoil I would be reminded each time I saw him of what I'd lost. I loved him and he cared for me, it should be easier but it wasn't. How could I trust in his feelings when I couldn't remember how it had happened?