Adonis

I was dead on my feet by the time I got off the plane when it landed early morning the next day. Sleep had eluded me and the only thing that had been on my mind had been Lacey. I was worried about her and it didn't help that every time I closed my eyes her bewildered look when she first woke up from her surgery appeared in my mind pulling at the protectiveness in me.

It had been the first time in the last three months I hadn't felt justified in keeping my distance from her. The only reason I had kept away was because keeping what we had from her had been like living a hell on earth. And I'd believed from the updates I was getting about her, she was fine, even happy.

I felt a pang of guilt, that in truth she hadn't and I had effectively abandoned her. Promising myself I wouldn't let her down again I got into the waiting car.

My mind wanted to go straight to her but my body couldn't keep up. I was shattered and I accepted that I had to get some sleep before I saw her. I had avoided her for the last three months, what was a few more hours?

I got into the waiting car as my bandmates waved me off. Inside the sleep car I allowed my head to rest back and I let out a tired breath. Trying to distract myself I looked to the side and watched the scenery on the drive home.

Home wasn't my childhood home anymore. As our fame had increased over the past few months it had become clear that living with my parents wouldn't work anymore. Strangers had started showing up at the house effectively stalking me.

The need to keep my parent's safe had pushed me to finally get my own home. It was near my old neighbourhood but in a more expensive and secure area. Between my mom and a interior designer the house had been fully furnished to my taste. It had taken some getting used to staying in a house that was way too big for just one person.

The house was empty and silent when I entered. I dumped my suitcases in the hall. I would unpack later.

I went to my kitchen and opened the fridge. I smiled to myself when I saw it was fully stocked. My mom had made sure I had everything I needed. Sometimes I didn't know what I would do without her.

I got out a soda and took a few gulps as I walked upstairs. After a shower I lay in my bed. On my stomach staring mindlessly into space I finally gave into the bone tiredness that I had been fighting for so long.

**********

The incessant ringing pulled at my subconscious but I tried to ignore it. But as soon as it stopped ringing there was only a few seconds of silence before it started ringing again. Frustrated I opened my eyes and searched for my phone which was beside the bed.

Gripping the phone while trying to focus my eyes I saw the caller ID briefly before I answered the call.

"What?" I asked rubbing my eyes.

"She's gone," Alex said in a panicked voice.

For a few moments I blinked trying to understand what he was saying as I swung my legs over the side of my bed clutching my phone tightly in my hand.

"What do you mean she's gone?" I asked feeling my rising panic.

Lacey was gone.

Instead of answering my question there was silence. I stood up.

"We can't find her." My panic seared through me taking my breath away.

"What happened?" I repeated my question, this time with anger.

"She asked me to drop her off at Reece's to get ready for the party. When we got there Aiden was there. We never planned for her to find out about him."

I swore. She knew about Aiden.

My thoughts went back to what the surgeon had said. "Giving her too much information could be detrimental. Adding any pressure on her will not help her remember."

Holding my phone against my ear with my shoulder I shoved my jeans on and buttoned them up. While I continued to listen to him my mind was already racing ahead trying to figure out where she would have gone.

"What happened after she found out?" I asked grabbing a shirt.

"She kinda freaked out a bit but then she seemed to calm down," he told me.

I shoved my shirt on and put the phone against my ear again.

"She said she needed some time on her own to take it all in," he added.

"And you let her go?" I asked in disbelief. Was I the only one with any sense?

"Yeah." I could hear the guilt in his voice. "I thought she'd be gone for a little while but it's been two hours and she still hasn't come back."

Two hours was a long time.

"Did Aiden plan this?" I asked.

He'd taken it hard that she didn't remember him and he'd wanted her to remember so badly but even as the words came out of my mouth I knew he wouldn't hurt her like this.

"No. Reece had no idea she was coming over."

It didn't really matter how it had happened. The point was it had and we needed to find her. It was already getting darker and I had to fight to keep my panic at bay.

"Tell Reece to stay put. You and Aiden start searching the neighbourhood," I told him. "I've got a couple of places I think she might be."

I ended the call as I grabbed the keys to my car. There was only one place close to Reece's house where Lacey would go. Once I got into the car I drove as fast as I could. It was darkening and I was worried that if we didn't find her soon we wouldn't find her at all.

By the time I pulled up in the parking in front of the lake my heart was beating twice as fast in my chest. I got out the car slamming the door while I scanned the surrounding area.

My eyes searched the darkness in front of the lake as I strode toward the edge of the water.

The moment my eyes found the form of her standing beside the calm water of the lake I felt relief sweep over me. I slowed as I approached her. She still didn't turn to face me when I stood a couple of feet behind her.

I wasn't sure what to say.

"Harp."

She didn't turn to acknowledge me. My arm reached out and touched her shoulder but she shrugged it off.

I frowned.

"Did you know?" she asked softly in an accusing tone.

I stilled. Would she understand that we'd all lied to her because we'd thought it had been best? Somehow I didn't think so. When I didn't immediately answer her she swung around, arms crossed to glare at me.

"Did you know?" she repeated. Her voice bolder.

The sight of her hit me hard. Even in the darkness the moonlight illuminated her face and I could see the tremble of her lip.

"Yes," I answered. The word heavy, adding to the tension.

"Why?" she asked softly. The hurt in voice was like a knife straight into my heart.

"The surgeon said it was best for you to remember on your own. He said telling you could make it more difficult for you to remember."

She took a step back as she shook her head. The sound of a sob tearing from her set me forward to reach for her but she pulled away.

"Don't," she whispered through her hoarseness.

"We did it to protect you," I told her. I would never have kept it from her if I hadn't believe it had been for the best. It was only now faced with her crying that I realised we hadn't made the right decision.

"Protect me?" she gasped dropping her hands to her sides.

I remained helplessly silent. Anything I said just seemed to stoke her anger so maybe keeping quiet was the best way to handle the situation.

"You have no idea what I've been through the last few months," she said, brushing the falling tears from her cheeks.

For a few moments I listened to her cry before she let out a deep breath.

"I want to go home," she said before she walked past me to my car.

The selfish part of me wanted to tell her about us but I pushed the thought aside. Telling her that now would only make things worse.

I followed her to my car.

**********

Lacey

My hand trembled as I put some lipstick on. I took a deep breath and let it out trying to ease the overwhelming feelings inside. I stood up and surveyed myself one last time in the mirror. The party had already started but I'd been too upset to face anyone so I was still hiding out in my room under the pretence of getting ready. When Adonis brought me home I had disappeared into the sanctuary of my room to pull myself together.

I had expected someone to come up to my room to talk to me but no one had. I didn't want to talk to any of them at the moment. Still angry and feeling betrayed that they had decided amongst themselves what to tell me and what not to.

A voice reminded me of what Adonis said. The surgeon had advised them not to tell me. But that didn't wipe away the betrayal or the anger I was experiencing because they had decided what I could deal with.

The surgeon had told me I had suffered some memory loss I had thought they were small everyday things not a whole friendship. What else had I missed? Were they keeping more from me?

There was a knock at my door. I fisted my hands for a moment trying to keep my emotions in check. Glancing at the door I stood.

"Harp."

I closed my eyes when I hesitated for a moment as the sound of his voice washed over me.

Even angry I had noticed that the empty feeling I had been living for the last couple of months had eased when Adonis had found me. It was like feeling complete and I had no idea why. Was it because I loved him that he could make me feel that?

"Go away Gray," I told him, crossing my arms while I glared at the door. "I don't want to talk to you."

"I know you're upset," he said. "But at least give me a chance to talk to you."

I pressed my lips together wishing he would just leave me to work through my anger.

"You really think that anything you're going to say is going to make things better?" I questioned, shaking my head. To me there was nothing that could ease the hurt that I was feeling.

What if keeping Aiden from me had stopped me from remembering what I could have and now it was too late? Putting a hand to my forehead I took a deep breath in.

"Just let me talk to you," he said, I could heard the strain in his voice. It pulled at me and I had no way to fight it. I found myself walking to my door.

I don't know what made me open the door but when his eyes locked with mine my stomach did a summersault. Then the feeling I had felt earlier on spread though me. Silence replaced the noise of my thoughts shouting in my head. Turning around I walked over to my bed and sat down. He closed the door and I waited for him.

His eyes drifted over me as he came to stand in front of me.

"You look beautiful," he said softly. His gaze did a sweep of me and I felt nervous at the closer attention.

My eyes caught his and I saw something in them that I had never seen before. It made my stomach flutter. It was like he was looking at me but seeing past what I projected to the world.

"I don't like seeing you like this." His eyes soft.

I held onto my anger so I didn't melt at his feet. There had always been something about him that had made me feel out of control with emotions but now it felt different, more intense and I couldn't figure out why. Distance made the heart grow fonder? Was that it?

"I don't like feeling like this," I retorted, still feeling angry. I felt betrayed and lost.

He raked his hand through his hair. I watched his hair fall back into place and wondered how it would feel to thread my hands through it.

"When you discovered you had a tumor it took us all by surprise. It scared us."

I didn't remember any of it so I could only imagine how hard it had hit everyone, including myself.

"We had no idea if you'd make it...or not."

The emotion in his voice made me want to reach out and assure him that despite the fears I was here with them now.

"The odds were against you but you pulled through. Then we discovered you'd suffered some memory loss. The surgeon couldn't tell us whether it was permanent or not. We all wanted to do what was best for your recovery so we followed the advice of the surgeon." He paused for a moment. "He told us not to try and force you to remember. He advised us against telling you what you'd forgotten in hope that it would gradually come back to you."

His explanation calmed my anger but it didn't soothe the hurt I still felt.

"Hurting you was never our intention. After all the obstacles you overcome we wanted to do everything we could to make sure you made the best recovery you could," he added, his voice filled with emotion that made me feel guilty for being so angry initially. "The last thing we wanted to do was lie."

Dropping my gaze to my hands I tried to figure out a way to explain to him why I felt so hurt.

"I get that you guys did what the surgeon advised," I said before lifting my eyes to his. "But you have no idea how hard it's been the last few months."

Trying to keep my voice calm was difficult when I was lifting the lid on my emotions I'd been hiding for so long. The sense of something missing had felt like a piece of me was missing, it was hard to explain in words. I felt the sting of tears before my eyes watered.

"Don't cry," he said as he dropped down on one knee in front of me.

Feeling self conscious I brushed the tears away, hating that I felt so weak. I took a deep breath and let out a shaky breath.

"I know I should just be grateful that I'm alive but I've been going through so much. I don't know how to fix it."

"Tell me," he said softly and for the first time I wanted to tell someone everything I'd been struggling with.

"Ever since the surgery I felt like I was missing something, that there was a part of me I've lost."

His eyes held mine before he broke away and stood, taking a step backward putting a little distance between us. He looked unsettled and unsure of himself. I frowned.

"I'm sorry," I muttered not understanding why he withdrawing from me.

"You have nothing to be sorry for," he said.

He seemed to be struggling internally with something. His hand rubbed the back of his neck as he let out a deep sigh.

"I couldn't understand why I felt like that," I continued. "I knew from the start that I'd lost some memories but I had no idea I'd forgotten so many crucial ones."

I shrugged trying to keep myself together under his gaze.

"After finding out about Aiden I think I understand why I was feeling so lost," I explained. His eyes holding mine like he was waiting for me to say something. "I was missing more important memories than I realised. I was really close to him, wasn't I?"

He nodded while he dropped his hand from his neck.

"Why didn't you say anything to anyone?" he asked.

"I knew how lucky I was to survive the surgery and I felt I'd put everyone through enough without adding to it," I explained with a shrug.

"If you'd told someone how you were feeling we would have told you everything."

Everything.

"Is there anything else that you guys haven't told me? Is there another Aiden I need to know about?" I asked, needing to know the extent of what I'd forgotten.

His gaze shifted from me. He couldn't look me in the eyes. What was he hiding?

"There is something else, isn't there?" I asked while I stood up and took a step closer to him.

He rubbed his hands over his face before he dropped his hands to look at me.

"Tell me," I demanded my hand reached out to hold his arm. "I need to know everything."

I had to able to fill the hole inside of me and I couldn't do that without knowing everything that had been taken from me through my memory loss.

"Please," I added, as my eyes searched his.