Adonis

I had been on stage more times than I could count but this time was different. Unlike every time before I was nervous. I smiled at the fans screaming in front as I sat down on a chair in the middle of the stage. My heart was beating so fast I thought it was going to burst from my chest. My nerves had nothing to with the thousands of eyes on me.

Only one pair had the power to make me feel like a fumbling teenager. She was standing backstage watching from the sidelines. I could feel the heat of her gaze on me. Fearing that looking at her would make me more nervous and I'd stuff things up I kept my gaze fixed on the sea of girls in front of me.

It was the first time she was watching me perform live. I swallowed hard before I started.

I began to sing a song. The words pulled at my core because when singing about love and love lost all I could think about was Lacey. I closed my eyes for some parts, struggling with the emotion flowing through me. To feel the loss that I was singing about made my emotions more amplified.

For what felt like too long I'd been resisting my emotions, not wanting to feel them too deeply for fearing of being hurt. But I had made my decision. I was done trying to close myself off from how I felt about Lacey. For the first time since she'd been diagnosed with the tumor I was allowing myself to fully feel the love the I had felt for her from the first day I had fallen head over heels in love with her.

If I could do things over again I'd do them very differently but there was no turning back time, all I could control was what I did now.

I was only human and the fear of losing her had made me go into self preservation mode. Even now to think of what had nearly happened to her was hard and I had to move past that. She was here now. I had made more than a few mistakes in the past few months that I regretted.

In the darkness of the stadium lights held by the audience swayed to the music. I wanted Lacey to know that this time I was serious, this time there would be no wavering on my part. I loved her and I wanted her to know that from here on out I wasn't going anywhere. Through thick and thin I would be by her side.

The last few words of song left my lips and the crowd began to scream as I stood up giving them a smile.

I had decided that simply sitting down and telling her face to face wasn't enough. I wanted her to make a statement big enough that there would be no doubt how I felt about her. Nerves tightened in my stomach which was a strange feeling especially on stage where I felt most at home. But then again I had never done what I was about to.

I let go of my guitar and it hung around my neck by its harness. I took the mic in my hand. Suppressing my nerves I took one last look at the girl who held my heart in her hands. The sight of her standing there watching me looking as affected by the words of the song as I had been made my heart stutter before it lifted.

Taking my eyes from her I looked back to the audience.

There was still that chance that despite what I had decided she couldn't trust me to stay. Time would be the only way to gain her trust and I was willing to give her all of mine to prove that.

“If you have someone special in your life,” I told the crowd and they began to scream. I had to wait a few moments before the noise quietened slightly. “Let them know. Don’t let anything stand in your way. Love isn’t always easy, there might be obstacles but don’t give up. Having someone you love in your life will make it extraordinary.”

I didn't want a chance another look at Lacey until I finished what I was going to say.

“Never give up.”

The noise from the fans was overwhelming. I wanted to look over to Lacey to see her reaction but fear kept my eyes fixed to the faces at my feet in front of me.

Swallowing hard I looked over to Lacey to see her reaction. My eyes narrowed when I took in her pale expression.

Sam was looking at her with concern. I frowned.

The crowd continued to scream.

He said something but she took no notice. She lifted her hand and touched her forehead.

Her eyes glassed fixed in the distance. There was something very wrong. I put the mic back in the stand and left the stage without a backward glance. As I reached her I handed my guitar to someone. My eyes scanning her face trying to figure out what was going on.

My heart began to hammer in my chest when I reached her.

"Gray?" she questioned. The panic clear in her voice. Her eyes where on my face but it was like she wasn't seeing me.

The protective instinct in me reached for her arms just as she collapsed. I held her up.

"I'm here." Despite my growing fear I kept my voice calm.

Her hands gripped my shirt like a lifeline. The alarm and fear in her eyes sent me into overdrive. Her eyes fluttered. What was happening? My heart began to speed up as fear increased. She looked so pale, her breathing laboured. The fear that I hadn't felt since she's been diagnosed with a tumor unlocked and flooded thorough me like a tidal wave.

"Someone call a medic," I shouted at Sam.

Her grip on my shirt tightened, like she was scared I was going to let her go.

"Don't leave me."

"I'm not going anywhere." I said softly. "I'm here with you."

Guilt for all the previous times I had left her when I should have stayed by her side swept through me leaving a renewed determination to do it right this time.

Moments later the medical team that we had on standby backstage were examining her. I didn't want to let go of her but I had to so they could check her over.

My band mates stopped the show. The opening act went back on to keep the audience from rioting. I didn't care. The only thing that mattered was lying unconscious backstage.

I gave the paramedics her history. After checking her vitals they told me she was stable but because of her major brain surgery they wanted to go take her to hospital. I nodded.

I looked back to Link.

"Go," he told me. "We'll finish the last few songs and meet you at the hospital."

I nodded.

Lacey remained unconscious for the ride to the hospital. I insisted she had a private room. Not even sure what the time was when I called Dr. Clarke. He asked to speak to one of the nurses. Once she was done bringing him up to date on Lacey's condition she handed me my phone back to me.

"I've asked them to keep me updated on her progress."

I nodded.

"What happened?" I asked him. The nurses and doctors had used jargon I didn't know so I was still at loss for what was happening to her although they'd assured me she was stable.

He didn't answer me straight away which made me fear what he was about to tell me.

"It's similar to a breakdown but we're hoping it will be temporary."

A breakdown. That didn't sound stable at all.

"I don't understand." Rubbing my forehead. The fear I'd managed to keep at bay began to overwhelm me.

"Was she under a lot of stress lately?" he asked.

"No." Not believing any of our emotional mess had been upsetting enough to cause this.There was another pause.

"Just tell me," I said, knowing that he was holding something back.

"This type of thing is consistent with patients regaining their memory."

**********

Lacey

I blinked, opening up my eyes. The sharp light blinded me and closed for a moment. I shifted slight as I swallowed.

"Harp?" A gentle voice asked. I opened my eyes again and this time they sharpened on the relieved face of Adonis.

My Gray. My heart swelled with the experience of our moments. Emotion tightened my throat. I reached out and touched his face gently.

"Gray."

It felt like it had been forever since the last time I had touched him but remembering it hadn't been that long.

"Harp?" he questioned again. His voice nervous as his eyes searched mine.

I smiled at him. Taking in every inch of his features like I was seeing him truly for the first time.

"I'm okay," I told him but he didn't look convinced.

"You collapsed..." He paused while he studied my features. He was trying to gage how much I remembered.

"I remember."

It was like he was too scared to ask because of his fear for disappointment.

I smiled at him. "I remember how to make pancakes."

"Really?" He looked shocked and bewildered. He leaned back as he ran a hand through his hair. My hand dropped to cover his other hand which was still holding mine.

"I remember you promised me a proper date."

He smiled, the type of smile that showed off his deep dimples and made my stomach dip in response. It was hard to think that through everything we'd been through together we'd never been out on a date.

"You remember," he echoed standing up slightly so he could lean closer. I nodded feeling the emotion that I'd been missing for so long washed over me, leaving me emotional.

He leaned his forehead against mine and I closed my eyes, savoring the moment. I felt a completeness that had evaded me since I had woken up from my surgery feeling confused and frightened. Pushing the reminder of what I'd been through with my memory loss. I didn't want to think about it or feeling that emptiness that had pushed me to the edge.

For moments we stayed still enjoying our closeness. There had been so many times I had wanted this so badly. But there had been just as many times I had resigned myself to the fact that it would never happen. But here we were.

I remembered our first kiss and the feel of his skin the first time we'd been together. I let out a breath, feeling so many feelings it was hard to cope.

"I love you," he whispered and I put both my hands in either side of his face as he lifted his head. He still looked so anxious and I wanted to soothe his fears. Maybe he was scared he'd lose me again.

"I love you too," I whispered, my voice hoarse.

I brushed the bottom of his lip with my thumb. His eyes flickered from mine to my lips before he leaned closer and kissed me. The feel of his mouth covering mine was indescribable. I was breathless when he pulled away slightly ending our kiss.

"I was so scared. When I saw you at the concert and you looked so upset."

"It was overwhelming."

I could still remembering that feeling of memory after memory reeling through my mind and the strong emotions rushing through me as I lived through each one of them. The emotional roller coaster had started with with the first memory of him telling me how much he loved me. The discovering of my tumor and the subsequent struggle to put it my surgery hadn't been easy to experience again.

We'd been through so much over the last few months.

"I still can't believe you remember," he breathed. "I just want to hold you and never let go."

My heart lifted at his words.

"Then hold me," I told him, shifting over slightly on the hospital bed to make room for him. He didn't need me to ask a second time. He got on the bed with me then took me into his arms.

I felt him tremble slightly as I lay my head against his shoulder. I understood the need to hold him and never let go. His arm tightened around me.

"It's been hell without you."

I looked up to him. His eyes found mine and I soothed him with the brush of my hand against his face.

"I'm here now."

He kissed my forehead.

"When you woke up from the surgery I was so relieved. The odds hadn't been good but despite that you pulled through." He paused, too emotional to continue. "Then when you didn't remember it felt like I'd been given you back but with no possible way to be together. You didn't remember Aiden either."

Aiden. I couldn't wait to see him. In the short time we'd known each other had brought us closer than most people who'd spent years as friends. There was no way for me to understand what he had gone through. To have our entire friendship wiped from my memory. I remembered the fear and bewilderment at the frowning face of the stranger from the hospital.

Waking up being unable to remember had been scary and even now I didn't want to relive it. Only the fact that it was over and I was cocooned in the warmth of Adonis made it bearable.

"Keeping away from you for those first few months wasn't easy but I thought I was doing what was best for you because believe me I was living each day in hell without you. Living but nothing more. My only solace was the few memories I had of us. I missed you so much. It seemed so unfair that after finally discovering how we felt we didn't have a lot of time. I kept reminding myself I had to be grateful you were alive."

It hurt to hear how much he had gone through when I had been oblivious to it all. But deep down, since I had woke up with my memory loss, I had been living with a piece of myself missing. It hadn't been easy but after what Adonis had revealed I felt I'd had it easier than him.

"After, when you were discharged I found it easier to keep my distance than to be around you and pretend we weren't more."

I held him a little tighter.

"I got regular updates from Alex and I thought you were doing well."

But the truth was I hadn't. I had began to spiral out of control.

"And then when I got the call from Aiden telling me that Reece had confided in him that you'd been drink heavily. If I'd had any idea I would never have kept my distance."

"There was no way for you to know," I murmured. He seemed to feel guilty but I didn't blame him. I'd been pretty good at keeping it from most people.

The mention of my best friend made me feel guilty for being angry with her when all she'd been trying to do the right thing. There would be time for me to apologize to her and make amends.

"I never told you this but after your surgery I went through a few tough weeks and I turned to alcohol to numb the pain."

I was shocked.

"Link finally told me to get my shit together and I did."

"I'm sorry," I mumbled feeling responsible for being the reason for it.

"Don't be. It wasn't your fault," he told me. He kissed my forehead again. "I want you to understand why I was so determined to help you. I understood what you were going through and if Link hadn't stepped in when he did it would have been so much worse."

I wasn't proud of how I had used alcohol to help cope with the unexplained feeling of loss I had struggled with. Holding Adonis beside me explained what I had been missing. It had been him and what I felt when I was with him.

"Thank you."

"You don't have to. I love you and I wanted to help in anyway I could."

His words didn't make me feel any better about my behavior when he had offered to help me. I'd been so selfish to be able to see his actions for what they were.

I expelled an emotional breath trying to get rid of the over flowing feeling of guilt. My current feelings for my actions during the time I had been missing my memories weren't easy to think about.