Adonis

Half way through my day I decided to ring Sam. Lacey had been in my thoughts constantly. The sight of Sam this morning standing beside had made me a little jealous. I had no right to feel that way, no right at all. Not only was I jealous that he would be sharing in her excitement of her discovery of her first overseas city but I was also jealous that I didn't have the time to take her myself.

"Hi," Sam answered on the third ring.

"How's it going?" I asked.

"It went well," he told me. "I've just taken her back to the hotel room."

I frowned.

"Already?" I asked, feeling a little unsettled.

"Yes, the walking tired her out," he explained.

Despite his explanation I couldn't help the concern I felt. After everything she'd been through there was no stopping it.

"Was she okay today?" I asked. "Nothing unusual."

He hesitated.

"I'm not sure if this is really something to mention but there was a moment at lunch when she looked like she'd seen a ghost."

Something twisted in my stomach. The last time she'd looked like that was when she'd made the pancakes. Was it possible she'd remembered something more.

"It's probably nothing," he assured me.

"Thank for the info anyway," I said. "Is she going to go out again tomorrow?"

"Yes, I told her I would be at the hotel room at the same time I was today."

"Great. Thanks Sam," I said, trying to keep my stupid jealousy from surfacing in my voice.

I shouldn't feel it but I did. It wasn't like Sam was anything more than someone doing his job but that didn't matter.

The rest of the day dragged on. My usual concentration was disrupted by the thought she had remembered something. I had to stop myself from calling the hotel room to ask her. This was something I wanted to find out in person and not over the phone.

Through rehearsals for our upcoming concert I missed my cue twice.

"What's up with you?" Link asked, frustrated.

"Nothing," I muttered trying to get myself together so I could make it through the rehearsal and back to the
hotel.

Later when I got back to the hotel room I was filled with anticipation.

Lacey was sitting on the sofa watching TV when I walked through the door. At the sound of my arrival she switched off the TV and turned to face me. The look in her eyes stopped me. It was a vulnerability that made me putty in her hands.

"How was your day?" I asked, not wanting to reveal what Sam told me. I wanted her to tell me.

"It was good," she murmured, like her mind was somewhere else.

My eyes narrowed as I studied her face. There was something going on. Tell me, I murmured to her in my mind.

She stood up and faced me, her hands clutched together. She lifted a hand and brushed her forehead.

"I..." she began but faltered.

"What?" I asked with concern as I walked to her, stopping so close she had to look up to hold my gaze.

"I remembered something." I held my breath. Hope. "When Sam arrived this morning and told me he was a bodyguard I thought that it was so like you because you'd paid someone to watch over me before."

She watched me for a reaction.

"I did," I answered.

So she hadn't exactly remembered the actual memory but more of a subconscious thought. I didn't allow the disappointment to wipe my hope. It was still something.

"It's good news," I told her when she looked up at me nervously, sinking her teeth into her bottom lip.

"It's just..." she said and then shrugged. "I want to be able to remember an actual memory. Not just a thought or a feeling. Or another subconscious thing I can't explain."

Like being able to cook pancakes but not being able to remember how.

I reached out and touched her arm.

"It'll happen," I assured her. There was that part of me that didn't want her to get her hopes up because the doctor had said there was a chance she wouldn't remember anything but I felt had a gut feeling that it was only a matter of time before she began to remember and everything would piece itself together.

It was late but I didn't see a room service tray.

"Have you eaten yet?" I asked.

She shook her head.

"Do you want to go out?" I asked. Even though I was feeling tired I would take her out if she wanted. I could wear a hoodie but we would have to go to a place that wasn't very busy otherwise things could get out of hand.

"I'm not very hungry."

"You need to eat something," I told her. "We can order room service."

"I'm really not hungry," she told me walking back to sit down in front of the TV.

I ordered her food anyway even when she turned to give me raised eyebrow while I was on the phone. I ignored her.

"I told you I wasn't hungry," she reminded me looking back to the TV.

"If you don't eat the food, I'll eat it. It won't go to waste," I told her with a shrug.

She still looked so tense so I went up behind the sofa and she jerked slightly when my hands rested on her shoulders.

"You seem tense," I murmured as my hands began to massage her shoulders. I was playing with fire and I knew it.

She groaned. My hands pushed deeper into her muscles feeling the knots that were causing her discomfort.

"That feels so good."

It did. Just with my hands on her I felt connect to her in some way. The soft feel of her skin began my hands and the slight scent of her that I caught was enough to keep me enthralled. The tug of war inside me continued. To give in or to keep my distance. My thumbs massaged the back of her neck. She sighed.

"If you ever quit your day job you could definitely do this," she murmured. I chuckled.

"I don't think it would pay as much as my current job."

I felt the laugh vibrate through her.

After a few more minutes she pulled away from me. Feeling awkward I shoved my hands into the front pockets of my jeans. She stood up and walked to the windows that ran the length of the living room. She opened the curtains and looked down at the city.

I watched as she lay down on the ground. Confusion was replaced with understanding when she looked up into the sky.

"It makes me feel like I'm home." She let out a heavy sigh.

Her words tore at me. Up on the roof of her house was her safe place where she went when she had stuff to deal with. She clearly needed it to help her deal with what was happening to her. I switched the light off and darkness encased us. The only light came from the lights of the city and the stars above.

"It's better with the lights off," I said as I walked over to her.

Beside her I lay down and looked up to the night sky. In the few months that I had been struggling I had done this on more than one occasion. There was something relaxing looking up to the dark sky, like a way to focus on one thing and shut out everything else.

Needing more my hand reached for hers. The warmth of my hand wrapped around hers. She took a deep breath and the release shook her chest. My eyes turned to her. A tear slid down her face.

With my free hand I brushed it away.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

Her eyes glistened when she turned her head slightly to look at me.

"I don't know why but I feel so sad," she murmured before she began to cry. I turned onto my side and wrapped my arm around her pulling her to me.

"It's okay," I soothed.

I had no idea what was going on but I did the best I could to comfort her.

**********

Lacey

The intensity of my sadness was overwhelming. My emotions flooded open and there was no holding it back. I sobbed as Adonis held me close, rocking me gently. I didn't understand why I was feeling like there was a heavy weigh pressed down on my chest making it difficult to breath. Was this a familiar feeling from my a forgotten moment in my past? What had happened to make me feel this heavy sadness and fear?

The knock at the door pulled made me pull away from Adonis and sit up while I wiped my tears away. It was our room service. He got up and got the food before closing the door.

Feeling vulnerable I stood up looking to the window. Footsteps stopped behind me. I let out a deep emotional breath, and it shook me slightly. The intensity of the emotion I had just experienced didn't make sense. It had to be from my memories. There must have been a memory from looking up at the sky that had pulled the emotions from the forgotten.

"What happened the last time I was on the roof?" I asked, not even sure he would be able to answer me.

There was several moments of silence before he answered. "You'd just found out you had a brain tumor."

I let out a sigh as that familiar heavy feeling settled in my chest. Knowing that information gave me a better understanding why I was feeling the way I was. I had probably been scared and sad. Afraid for what was to come and the chance that I wouldn't survive. And sadness for the life and experience I would miss out on.

"What happened?" he asked softly.

I closed my eyes for a few seconds, trying to find a way to put my feelings into words.

"Since the pancake incident I started to have moments when I experience an intensity of emotion I can't explain. I think I might be feeling the emotions from my memories. Feeling something I don't remember is confusing and upsetting."

Strong arms wrapped around me and pulled be backward to lean against him.

"I'm here," he whispered against my ear.

For a moment I leaned back into him. My arms covered his. Then like a sear across my heart I remembered that despite his actions he couldn't be with me. He couldn't handle it. How could I let him in when I knew he wasn't going to stay? I dropped my hands and broke free from him as I turned.

"But you aren't," I told him, my voice breaking on the last word. "You might be physically standing here with me but emotionally you aren't."

Taking in a shaky breath, I tried to stop the next emotional wave that hit me.

"You checked out."

He hung his head but it did nothing to ease my anger. Knowing him as well as I did I knew he had to have his reasons but I didn't know why or understand them.

"If you truly loved me, truly. You would be in this with me, no holding back," I said, the emotion tightened my throat and swallowed my tears. "You would be able to handle all of this if you loved me enough, not running at the first sign of a meltdown."

"You have no idea what you've put me through," he said, anger laced in his voice. "You can't remember."

He was right I couldn't remember but what on earth had I done to put him in a position where he couldn't take it anymore. Had it been that bad?

He took a step forward and I took a step backward not wanting to be close to him.

"I love you more than anything," he professed and I shook my head. "I didn't think it was possible to love another person as much as I love you."

"It's hard to explain when you don't remember everything," he began to explain. "Going through this with you have brought me to hell and back again."

I swallowed hard. He looked so vulnerable as his eyes held mine. In them was the same look from the photo of him leaving the hospital.

"Well this hasn't exactly been a walk in the park for me either," I snapped at him, crossing my arms.

He raked his hand through his hair.

"What do you want me to say?" he asked, holding his hands out.

Feeling my heart sear with pain I closed my eyes, not wanting to see his pained expression when I was hurting more.

"Harp," he said, closer than before. I opened my eyes and he was standing so close I could feel his breath against my face.

"I can't," I murmured unable to take the pain in my chest anymore. It felt like the pain was going to rip my heart in half.

I dropped my eyes to the base of his neck. Something shiny caught my eye. It was a necklace. Adonis never wore jewelry. Curiosity lifted my hand to his neck and he stilled. I reached for the necklace and pulled it out from under his shirt.

It was beautiful. A gold necklace with a harp as a pendant. A harp.

My fingers tips passed over the glittering stones. I felt something. Then it grew stronger. It was a tidal wave of love. Love for the boy in front of me.

I swayed and he caught me. Steering me to sit down I breathed in sharply trying to fight the feelings smothering me from the inside.

"Breathe Harp," Adonis instructed.

I pushed the breath out and then in again while my mind went crazy with one thought after the other. Why was he wearing a necklace with a harp pendant? Was it mine? I must have seen it before because the emotion it had unlocked in was something I'd never experienced before.

A few more breaths and I could breathe again.

"Why are you wearing that necklace?" I asked.

"It was yours." I watched as an array of different emotions passed over his features. "I gave it to you as an eighteenth birthday present."

It was mine.

"Can I see it again?" I asked. I'd felt a connection to it I couldn't explain.

His fingers went to the back of his neck and he undid the necklace before handing it to me.

"After the surgery when you didn't remember us I took it from your bedroom. I needed something to remind me of a time when it had been as simple as being in love."

I tightened my hand into a fist around the delicate jewelry. But nothing was simple anymore. It was so complicated I didn't know how to unravel it.

"I knew you wouldn't miss it." No, because I had no memory of it.

"Will you put it on for me?" I asked softly as I handed him the necklace back.

He took it from me and I turned my back to him and lifted my hair. He placed the necklace around my neck and fastened it.

I let go of my hair and touched my fingers to the pendant. I couldn't remember but it felt right hanging around my neck. It comforted me even though the boy who'd give it to me didn't want me anymore.

Feeling emotionally raw and tired I stood up.

"Where are you going?" he asked standing up beside me.

I turned to face him.

"I'm going to bed," I told him. "I'm tired."

"Are you sure you don't want anything to eat?" he asked looking to the now cold food.

I shook my head. Just as I reached my door he called out to me and I looked over my shoulder at him.

"I'm sorry," he said.

I wanted to say it was okay but it wasn't.

"It's not your fault," I said trying to ease his guilt. "Not all love is meant to last."

Inside my room I didn't bother to turn on the light, I didn't change my clothes either. Crawling into the bed I covered myself with the comforter trying to ease the shiver that passed through me.

I felt so alone. My hand wrapped around the harp and I tried to remember something from those emotions I'd felt earlier. But all I was left with was the dull pain in the middle of my chest.

Adonis didn't love me enough and no memory wasn't going to fill the emptiness I felt.