Adonis

The sight of the article reminded me of one of the toughest periods of my life. Even months later it still affected me and I could still feel the emotions fresh in my mind. The photo of me exiting the hospital was hard to look at it. To think about what I'd been going through at that moment was difficult to relive.

I turned to face Lacey. Even the sight of her alive in front of me did nothing to ease the power of the emotions that I had experienced when her life had hung in the balance. It also reminded me of the DNR she had signed without telling anyone. It had felt like a betrayal and I couldn't ask her why she had done it. Maybe one day I would get a chance to find out why.

There were times I loved my career. Standing in front of thousands of screaming fans being able to perform was an exhilarating high. But the attention of the media was definitely a downside. I had tried to shield Lacey but I'd been unable to stop them from writing articles about her.

In amongst my past emotions guilt found its way in.

"I tried to keep the media from finding out about you," I said holding her gaze. "But I couldn't."

She studied me for a few moments.

"I don't blame you," she assured me, her earnest eyes holding mine. "It's just that Trisha came by today."

"What did she say?" I asked, curious.

She hesitated for a moment.

"She asked me if I was feeling better. I wasn't sure if she was referring to the flight or my surgery. She said you'd been very worried about me." Her hand reached out and found mine. It fit perfectly in mine, it was difficult to fight the feeling that despite everything she belonged with me. "When she mentioned she'd read about it in the media I needed to see it for myself."

I understood. My subconscious, the part of me that wanted to protect myself told me to pull my hand away from her but the warmth that spread in my chest won and I held her hand tighter in mine.

"They said I was a family friend."

I let out a deep sigh before running my hand through my tousled hair. "If I'd told them the truth they would have hounded you and it would have been a nightmare."

I had wanted to be able to shout from the rooftops that I loved her but to protect her I had kept my mouth shut and agonized in my own personal hell where very few knew how much she really meant to me.

"I know."

I clamped my mouth closed.

The pull to her was strong as our gazes held. The urge to pull her to me and kiss her was nearly impossible to fight. But I remembered the feeling of betrayal of finding out about the DNR and her emotional meltdown after the night we'd spent together. I couldn't cope.

Determined I eased my hand from hers. Her gaze dropped and she stepped back stuffing both of her hands in the back pockets of her jeans. It wasn't about hurting her but I had to protect myself.

"I need a shower," I said abruptly before I left her there watching me walk away.

I closed the door behind me and let out a heavy sigh. I leaned against it before I pushed away from it.

I headed into the bathroom and showered, hoping by keeping myself busy that it would stop me from remembering about her time in the hospital and all the feelings that I associated with that but there was no stopping them. After I toweled myself I went into my room and pulled on a pair of sweats.

My hand went to Harp's necklace that still hung around my neck. I touched the harp briefly. The rush of emotion I felt was something I didn't want to feel. I wanted to give the necklace back to her. She knew we had been together but without the memories to deepen the emotion the necklace wouldn't mean as much to her as it did to me.

Besides I wasn't sure, even with my decision to close the door on us, if I was ready to let go of it yet. Keeping my distance didn't weaken how I felt about her.

My stomach rumbled remind me I needed food. I didn't have the energy to try and go out so I was going to settle for room service tonight. I did feel a little guilty that Lacey had been cooped up the hotel room all day and would probably love a chance to get out.

But there was something else I had to do before I left my room. I had been so busy doing one interview after the other that I hadn't been able to call Dr. Clark. I reached for my phone and dialed his office number. Unfortunately he was busy with a client so I left a message with his secretary and she assured me he would call me back as soon as he was finished.

I didn't want Lacey to go out on her own so I called Trisha and asked her to organize a bodyguard who knew London well so she would be protected while she was out.

"I'll get it sorted," Trisha assured me.

"Thanks," I said before I ended the call. At least I wouldn't spend tomorrow worrying whether she was okay.

I stepped out of my room to find Lacey lying on the sofa in front of the TV which was still on. She looked so peaceful as she slept with her hands tucked beneath her head, her lips opened slightly. I bent leaned over her and brushed her cheek gently with my fingers. I held my breath as she murmured something.

I retracted my hand like I had been burned. Would I ever be able to be around her and not feel the way I did about her? Just the slightest touch of skin was enough to make me want her. To press my lips against hers and be with her in the closest way two people could be.

Stepping back I breathed in and out trying to calm my thumping heart. I rubbed the back of my neck.

I called room service and spoke quite loudly hoping it would wake her so I wouldn't have to carry her to her room but she didn't.

Even though I didn't want to be close to her I picked her up gently into my arms. I couldn't stop myself from hugging her close and breathing her in before I carried her into her room. I lay her down and she shifted slightly smiling in her sleep. I pulled the comforter over her and she snuggled deeper into the pillow.

For a few minutes I stood mesmerized watching her. It was only the sound of my phone ringing that jolted me to the present and I rushed to answer it.

It was Dr. Clark. I told him about the pancake incident and how Lacey had mentioned Aiden's name in her sleep.

"Do you think it means she's remembering?" I asked anxiously, holding my phone tighter against my ear as I paced the room.

"It could be," he answered, sounding reserved.

I wanted confirmation, not a maybe.

"Is it possible that she'll only remember bits and parts? And not everything?" I asked, not sure I wanted the answer.

"Yes. It's a possibility."

I couldn't hide my disappointed silence.

"The mind is complex," he began to say. "There's a chance she'll remember everything but there is also the possibility that despite these incidents she won't. She could continue to relive small moments but the full memory may never return."

Never return. Echoed in my mind.

Rubbing my forehead I tried to take in what he was saying. The disappointment swelled within me and I ended call. I slumped down on the sofa and put my head into my hands. I rested my head against the sofa and looked up to the ceiling as I tried to gather my thoughts and make sense of them.

I loved and cared for her but I couldn't deal with the rollercoaster anymore. The up and down, the hope and the disappointment. It was too much.

**********

Lacey

It was morning. I was lying in bed trying to figure out how I had gotten from the sofa to my bed. Adonis must have carried me. My heart lifted at the thought. Since the pancake incident I'd been getting feeling of experiencing more powerful feelings than before. It was hard to explain.

Before when I thought of Adonis with adolescent infatuation. But now my feelings for him were stronger and more grownup but I couldn't tell why.

The only thing that made sense was that in starting to remember, even if it had been subconscious, I had lifted the lid and my forgotten memories were seeping out. But it wasn't returning in actual memories I could remember, it was more like a feeling which held an intensity that was hard to understand.

It meant that being around Adonis was becoming harder. Last night when he had pulled his hand from mine had hurt. He was keeping his distance.

Letting out a heavy sigh I threw off the comforter and got up. I was determined to get out of the hotel room. If I had to stay confined within the four walls for another day I was going to go crazy. Adonis had said he would organize someone to take me out to see the sights. I wondered if he'd gotten a chance to. Even if he hadn't there was no way I was going to stay put today.

I got dressed and wondered into the living room. It was empty and Adonis' door was still closed.

There was a knock at the door and I went to answer it.

"Hi," a tall dark haired guy greeted.

"Hi," I greeted.

"I've been assigned to take you sight seeing today," he told me. I studied him for a moment before I stepped back and allowed him to enter.

So Adonis had found someone. I closed the door before I turned my attention back to my personal sight seeing guide.

"I'm Sam," he introduced with a friendly smile. He extended his hand and I shook it.

"I'm Lacey," I said, studying him.

He looked more like a bodyguard. He was dressed in a suit and with broad shoulders and his fit build left me with very little doubt that he worked out regularly. Brown eyes that matched the exact shade of his hair.

"You look like a bodyguard," I stated directly. Adonis had someone watch me before so it wouldn't surprise me if Sam was indeed someone paid to protect me as well.

"I am," he admitted. "But I do know the city well enough to show you everything you need to see."

It was so Adonis.

"I promise you'll have fun today," he assured me confidently with a touch of a smile. I don't know what it was about him. His friendly or easy going attitude but it made me smile.

"Okay," I gave him my approval with a nod. I was finally going to get a chance to see a bit of the city and I was excited. "But only on the condition that tomorrow you wear something more casual."

He looked down at his clothes before smiling and nodding his head. "Sure."

Adonis' door opened and he stepped into the room. His eyes went to Sam before they found mine.

Sam straightened up beside me.

"I've been assigned to take Lacey sight seeing," Sam explained to Adonis with more formality.

"Nice to meet you Sam," Adonis said shaking his hand. "I need your phone number so I can get a hold of you during the day if I need to."

I rolled my eyes. He was so overprotective. I was in London doing some sight seeing. What could possibly happen? It wasn't like I was some rock star who had to worry about over zealous fans.

"If she needs anything," he said handing Sam a credit card that he took out of his wallet. I frowned.

"I have my own money," I said, not liking the fact that he wanted to pay for my sight seeing trip.

Sam took the card and put it into a pocket on the inside of his jacket. He wasn't about to argue with him.

"I know that," he said softly. "But bringing you here was my idea so I'd prefer to pay."

My frowned deepened. He'd already done so much for me. Paying for my specialist and the surgery. It was enough, I couldn't take anymore.

I shook my head before I shoved my hand into my jeans.

"Harp." I pressed my lips together feeling my stubborn steak kick in.

"I want to know that you're having the best experience possible. I don't want to worry if you have enough to cover everything you want to do."

My frown eased.

"Please, let me."

I hated that he had a way of changing my mind. His baby blue eyes pleading with mine was enough to turn my insides to mush and I pretty much would have agreed to anything.

"Fine," I relented even though I was still annoyed that I had given in so easily.

"I'll see you this evening," he said before giving a nod to Sam. The door closed behind him as he returned to his room.

"So what do you want to do first?" Sam asked.

"Breakfast," I said, concentrating on my excitement at getting to see a different city.

"Breakfast it is."

At breakfast in a small cafe over coffee and some breakfast I'd found out he was an only child with divorced parents. He was in his early twenties and he had been doing his job for two years already.

I gave him some of my background leaving my connection to Adonis out of it other than he was best friend to my older brother. Sam didn't ask any more questions about it and I didn't offer any further information because despite how I felt about Adonis and what had happened with or without my memories we were nothing more than friends now with only my brother still linking us together.

Our first stop after breakfast was to do some shopping. It began to drizzle and Sam opened up a umbrella and shield me.

"Shopping isn't really my thing," I told Sam as I walked down the street browsing at the shops.

"Trust me, we didn't come here to shop," he told me. "I wanted to take you on the London eye."

"Really?" I questioned curiously. He pointed to the white structure. I wasn't a fan of heights but a chance to see the whole city was a temptation I couldn't pass up.

"You in?" he asked. "Yes." There was no hesitation.

It was a half an hour wait before we got inside. I stood looking over the city as it began rise, slowly. Sam stood beside me pointing out various things in the city. He knew his way around London and all the tourist attractions.

We did some shopping afterward. I began to feel tired.

Seeing I was feeling a little drained Sam suggested we get something to eat and to drink before he took me back to the hotel.

It was then it struck me my thought from that morning. Adonis had someone watch me before so it wouldn't surprise me if Sam was indeed someone paid to protect me as well.

Startled and confused I set my drink down spilling slightly.

"You okay?" Sam asked but I wasn't there. I was in my mind trying to figure out where that thought had come from. I had no memories of Adonis paying someone to watch over me. It was another subconscious thought from my hidden memories.

"Lacey?" Sam questioned again with more concern and his hand touched my arm.

"Sorry," I mumbled trying to hide what had just happened.

It was one thing remember such personal things but it was another remember in public with someone I'd only known for a day.

"Are you all right?" he asked.

"I'm fine," I told him but he didn't looked convinced.

Another peak into my lost memories. The hope that my memories would return soon inflated against my better judgement.