Reece

I felt drained and tired. It was like a nightmare that had me in its grip and wouldn’t let me go.

Every minute dragged on, every hour felt impossible to wait through. I couldn’t sit still, instead I paced up and down until I eventually couldn’t stand it anymore.

I found a seat and linked my hands together while eyes fixed in the doors we were waiting for the surgeon to walk through to give us news.

“Here,” Aiden’s voice pulled me out of my daze and he held a cup of coffee in front of me.

“Thanks,” I mumbled taking the coffee. It tasted awful but I needed the caffeine to keep me alert. It had been two hours already but we were expecting it to go on for a lot longer.

Aiden sat down beside me with his own cup of coffee as I took a tentative sip of the hot liquid.

In my mind I was solely concentrated on the surgeon coming out of the surgery and telling us it was a success and that Lacey had beaten the odds stacked against her. Anything else, I couldn’t even allow myself to think about much less consider.

Aiden was subdued beside me, struggling with his own fear for our friend.

My attention drifted to Adonis leaning against the wall just outside of the doors to where Lacey was undergoing surgery.

Lacey’s parents were seated side by side with Alex seated beside his mom with his arm around her.

Aiden finished his coffee and went to discard the cup. On his way back he went to stand beside Adonis. I couldn’t stop watching him. There was no disputing I saw him differently now. From the hard line of his jaw to the silkiness of his hair. I swallowed, knowing how his lips felt against mine. I tore my eyes from him and stared at the stale coffee I held.

I took a deep breath and exhaled. How could I have let this happen? Thinking back to the moment on the porch of my house when I had abandoned all reason and kissed Aiden without any forethought to the consequences. And now I had no option but to do the right thing and tell Max. The ache in my chest intensified. Was it guilt or was it love?

I was so confused. How could I love Max and feel how I felt about Aiden? I didn’t want to be forced to look closer at my feelings for Max for fear of what it meant.

My shoulders were tense and my neck was stiff. I rubbed my neck and tried to shut out all thoughts of Aiden and Max. Later, after Lacey was out of her surgery I would have the time to deal with that but until then I shut the thoughts from my mind.

Adonis’ bandmates Link and Sage arrived and greeted him. He needed all the support he could get.

I glanced up to the large elegant clock on the wall in the waiting room. It was driving me nuts, watching each second, minute and hour pass by slowly, dragging out the nightmare of the outcome of Lacey’s surgery.

The buildup felt unbearable and I got up to pace. It did nothing to relieve the stress building up inside of me. I dashed to the bathroom needing something, I couldn’t quite put it into words. I wanted to scream, until my throat burned and I couldn’t utter a whisper. It was more than I could cope with. Splashing some water on my face didn’t make me feel any better. I dried the water with some paper towel and I binned it. I bent over the sink trying to breath in slowly and hold the breath for a few seconds before exhaling while counting to five. Repeating the action did nothing to ease any of the volatile emotions I was struggling with.

If for just a moment I allowed myself to think of the worst possible outcome I felt the panic grip me, making it difficult to breathe or even to pull myself back from the edge.

I shook my head. I couldn’t allow myself to waver, for even a second. There was only one outcome that I could live with, she had to pull through, no matter what the odds. I couldn’t accept or deal with anything else.

I lifted my hands from the sink and they trembled. The turmoil inside was suffocating me, like if I didn’t find a way to exhale it I would not be able to breath. For a moment, I wondered if this was what a panic attack felt like.

I looked to the door and knew I couldn’t go back into the waiting area feeling the way I did. How did I pull myself together so I could sit across from everyone without becoming hysterical?

It felt impossible.

How was I supposed to keep my sanity? How was I supposed to stay strong for my friend when I felt like I was spinning out of control?

My hands shook and I gripped the sink again, holding on so tightly my fingers began to turn white and I felt pain. A pain that would distract me from the nightmare I couldn’t wake up from.

When the it became to much I released the sink and pushed away from it. I flexed my fingers, shocked at how far I was willing to go to stop what was happening. I didn’t feel strong enough to face what could happen to my friend.

None of what was happening to her was fair and I wanted to scream and yell. But an emotional meltdown right now wouldn’t help anyone, least of all of Lacey.

I took a deep breath and held it while I counted to ten trying stave off the panic that clutched at me. I had to calm myself down. My hands shook but I fisted them at my sides.

I exhaled trying to control the rapid beating of my heart before I took another deep breath. It had to work. I didn’t know what else to try. This was the first time I had ever gone through anything so stressful and emotional. I had no experience on how to deal with the stress of it all. How anyone else was keeping it together I would never understand?

Concentrating on my breathing helped to calm me to a certain extent and I felt together enough to leave the bathroom.

When I saw Aiden waiting outside I stopped.

“Why are you here?” I managed in a controlled whisper aware my heart was racing again but for an entirely different reason.

He pushed off the wall and came to stop in front of me.

“You looked upset…I wanted to check on you.”

It was a mistake to be this close to him, alone without anyone to keep them from doing something stupid.

I shrugged. “I’m trying to keep it together.”

It was a mistake to look into his eyes but I couldn’t stop myself.

The fear I felt was there deep inside his intense gaze. Someone who felt the same as I did, someone who understood what was at stake. He understood.

I released a deep emotional breath, feeling the build up of pressure inside.

He reached out to touch my hand with his and I lowered my gaze to watch his fingers gently touch mine. I swallowed.

It was wrong, but it felt so right.

My eyes lifted up to his as I bit my bottom lip. His eyes held mine.

I should have pulled my hand away from his but I didn’t. I knew right from wrong but right at that moment it didn’t matter.

His fingers interlinked with mine. I took a steady breath.

I closed my eyes briefly feeling the warmth of his hand in mine.

I wanted to tell him to stop but I didn’t.

There were a lot of things I should have done but didn’t.

Then he was nearer. Dangerously close. Inevitably near.

“We…” I couldn’t complete my sentence. He was too close, I couldn’t think of anything else other than him.

“…shouldn’t,” he murmured lowering his lips to halt a whisper away from mine. I could feel his breath against my lips.

In those few moments with him, I had forgotten about the events that were unfolding and the consequence.

And that made me do the only thing I shouldn’t have.

I raised myself onto my tiptoes and placed my lips against his.

My hands to moved to rest against his chest when I lifted my mouth from his.

His eyes flickered from my mouth to my eyes.

I waited, caught up in the moment. I wouldn’t walk away. But the question was, would he?

His hands lifted to cradle my face and I held my breath.

I could feel his heart beat beneath my hand splayed against his chest as he move to kiss me again.

There was no thought, only the feel of his lips on mine. My hands snaked up to wrap around his neck. His arms enveloped me and pulled me against his body.

There was no thought, no reasoning. Just feeling. His mouth on mine. His hands on me. The feel of his tongue moving against mine. I groaned and held on tighter.

He pushed me against the wall and I strained against him. I had never experienced something so raw and I never wanted it to stop. I couldn’t explain my actions and I didn’t want to think about it for fear I would stop.

The pent-up stress was replace with a need to hold him so tight and never to let him go. I could breathe without the pain of my anxiety and I needed that more than I needed the air in my lungs.

“Reece,” he whispered against my lips but I shook my head and firmly kissed him.

“No talking,” I said, as I took a moment to look into his eyes.

“No talking,” he agreed before staring down at my lips that were slightly bruised by his kissing.

I didn’t want to allow anything to stop what had given me a way to deal with what was going on around us.

He released me and stepped back. He held his hand out to me. There were no words but I understood the question and the line we were about to cross.

There would be no blaming it on a moment of madness or a crazy impulse. Whatever I decided, I would have to live with the consequences. The decision was mine to make.

In a rational world, where my friend was in surgery with her life hanging in the balance I might have made a different choice. I held his eyes for a moment.

The one thing I had learnt from Lacey’s diagnosis. Life was short and there was no time to waste.

I saw what I needed in his and I reached for his hand. He clasped my hand in his and pulled me to follow him. I hurried behind him to a small door which look like a janitor’s closet. He pulled me inside and closed the door. I didn’t take in my surroundings, the only thing that had my full attention was Aiden.

My breathing was deep like I had just been running, my heart sped as he approached me.

We came together, his hands gripped my waist as I lifted up onto my tiptoes to seal his mouth with mine.

From that moment, it was on the physical that mattered. His mouth against mine, his hands moving under my shirt to rest against my skin on my waist. I burned. He tasted of coffee and I gripped the back of his neck tightly, needing more so I pressed my body against his. His arms held me as his mouth explored mine.

I wanted to feel his body against mine, skin against skin.

There was no thinking, no agonizing over the life that hung in the balance. I was lifted out of hell for those precious few months as his mouth moved just below my ear. I groaned, loving how my skin trembled against the warmth of his kiss.

Next my back was against the wall and I lifted my legs to wrap around his waist. It was all happening too fast to think, too fast to stop.

Aiden stopped and I was brought back to the present.

“I don’t have protection.” He murmured, regretfully. But he didn’t let me down. I was still up against the wall.

“I’m on the pill,” I assured him.

I had made my decision before we had entered the small dark musty room. There was no going back for me. No matter what.

I needed this more than I needed air to breath.

His mouth found mine. We still had on too much clothing but that was easily remedied with a few hurried yanks and positioning.

The moment I sank down and joined our bodies together allowed my head to fall back against the wall. I groaned and closed my eyes, letting myself take in the physical closeness of him.

“Don’t stop,” I told him, needing only what he could give me. A moment of ecstasy, blocking all else out.

His breathing was labored, his fingers dug into my skin. It would leave bruises but I didn’t care. I just needed more.

“More,” I whispered moving to wrap my arms around his neck as our body moved together, in sync with only one goal in our minds.

His mouth smothered mine when I finally gasped when I came and just moments later he stiffened. Our bodies held still as we finished what we had been barreling towards since the first time we had kissed.

I felt suspended in the cocoon of warmth and I didn’t want to break the spell. My skin still tingled where he touched me and my lips still felt the pressure of his.

He hung his head to rest it against my neck as I breathed deeply in and out trying to catch my breath as the realization of what I had just done began to take hold.

The want, the need for him that had felt unstoppable before was now wavering as the consequences began to set in and the inevitable guilt replaced it. I had swung from exhilaration to the lowest feeling that made me hate myself.

He took a breath and I closed my eyes wishing I was anywhere but there. I didn’t want to see his expression or feel the guilt of betraying Max. But there was no taking back any of what had just happened. There was no time machine to erase what we had just done.

Slowly, he moved and allowed me to stand. My legs felt shaky so I leaned against the wall still trying to wrap my mind around my reckless actions. He moved his clothes back in place all the while avoiding eye contact with me.

I righted my clothes in the heavy silence that settled between us.

“Reece.” The sound of my name on his lips shook me.

I finally lifted my eyes to meet his.

I wanted to avoid this part. The part where we finally had to admit what was going on. We couldn’t avoid it any longer.

Max.

My heart broke. What had I done? My lip trembled and Aiden reached for my hand. I shouldn’t have let him take it into his or squeeze it gently.

My eyes stung and I couldn’t stop myself from tearing up.

Aiden was silent while he pulled me into a hug. I gripped his shirt trying not to cry.

“It’s okay,” he murmured softly.

I wanted to believe him, I wanted to be able to tell myself that despite what had happened there would be a way to make it right but deep down I knew there was no going back. There was no sweeping this under the rug and trying to ignore it.

I let out a shaky breath.

Lacey. The guilt doubled.

While my friend was fighting for her life I had been messing around with a boy I shouldn’t have in the janitor’s closet. Who was this person? I was disgusted with myself. I pushed away gently and wiped my tears.

“Reece.” Aiden’s voice caressed me and I wanted to hold onto to it and let everything else fall away.

But I couldn’t.

My moment of madness had passed and all that was left was reality.

“We shouldn’t have.” My voice was defeated.

“But we did.” He shoved his hands into the pockets of his jeans.

I couldn’t deal with this right now. I had to be there for my friend.

When I made a move to walk past him he grabbed my wrist and stopped me.

“We need to talk about this Reece. You can’t runaway from this.”

I kept my eyes averted from his. I was scared if I looked at him again he would be able to pull me back into his arms and I wouldn’t want him to let me go.

“Just not tonight. Not here.”

He released me.

“Fine. But we are going to talk about this.”

I nodded.

We had no choice. Our actions had repercussions and it was time to face them.

I left quietly, unable to look back.