Reece

I was stunned. Never in a million years would I have guessed that she was sick. There was no outward sign to say there was something wrong inside of her.

My world had been tilted off it’s axis and I went on auto mode. Falling apart wasn’t an option. If I was struggling to cope with the news how on earth was Lacey dealing with it? I had to be strong for her. After she left when I was alone I could try and make sense of what she had told me.

I tried to take in as much as I could. Surgery. They would have to remove the tumor before it became inoperable. My eighteen year old mind had never had to deal with this type of trauma before. I still had all my family members, even both sets of grandparents. I had never lost someone close before. No I couldn’t think like that.

No matter what she had to face she would be okay, wouldn’t she? I gripped her hands in my hand like a lifeline, scared to let go. It made no logical sense. It was too overwhelming. I hugged her needing to reassure her and myself but it did nothing to soothe the shock and fear I felt.

I was in shock but when her eyes began to water I felt a lump develop in my throat. I swallowed and I felt like I was about to cry when her tears began to spill. We hugged and leaned in to each other trying to make sense of something so serious. Now I understood why she had been acting so strangely. I didn’t think I would be able to handle it as well as she was.

I felt like I was drowning and there was no way to avoid the suffocation. I wiped her tears determined to be stable and strong for her. She needed me to help her through this difficult time. I would do whatever I had to to ensure she got all the support she needed.

Then I remembered Gray was still waiting outside for her.

"You still haven't explained why Gray is here?" I asked.

The way she smiled left me with no doubt that things had finally progressed for them. Her obvious happiness lifted my heavy heart.

It was a glimmer of hope in the dark and I couldn’t help myself when I winked and said, "I told you so."

I held it together until she left. After I closed the door I leant against, feeling the emotions I had successfully suppressed up to that point.

I made it into the living room before I began to shake. The shock of what I had just discovered hitting me with a severity I had never experienced before.

She’ll be fine. I told myself. She is young and strong. Yes. I nodded. She would be okay.

I stood up and began to pace as I reasoned why I couldn’t blow it out of proportion. Feeling like if I gave thought to the worst possible scenario it would take hold in reality. No I couldn’t allow my mind to fixate on the chance that this could be really bad.

Still trying to process my thoughts I went into the kitchen and poured myself some water. I drank a couple of gulps and set it down. The clock that hung beside the kitchen doorway told me it was time to leave for college or I would be late.

Could I go to college and attend my classes, taking in all the information I needed to? I stared out the window above the sink. The sun was shining outside. It was a beautiful day with not a cloud in sight.

My best friend was sick. And the darkness inside me felt like it was growing with every passing moment, making it impossible to think of anything else.

I contemplated if it would be worse alone with my thoughts. With a heaviness inside I got my schoolbag and keys. It was better to try and keep busy. I was scared to be on my own but I wasn’t sure if I was ready to try and pretend everything was fine.

Just see how you go. I reasoned with myself. If it gets too much you can leave and come home.

With my mind made up I left my house and got into my car. More confident in my ability to hide my inner angst. It was only when I drove past the park down the road from my house I had to pull over. I turned the car off and sat in the car overlooking the swings.

I had so many memories of the two of us playing on the jungle gym and running through the park. Once when she was about six she fell and scrapped her knee. She had held her leg with tears in her eyes. It had only hurt for a few minutes before I had helped her up and we had started to play again.

She never let things get to her. Even when she had started to get her migraines. The tight feeling in my chest was difficult to fight. Should I have known it was something more serious? Should I have insisted she go to the doctor sooner?

The guilt I felt had no basis but it didn’t take away the intensity of it. I should have done more.

Needing some fresh air I got out of my car slamming the door closed. The park was deserted and I walked to the swings hoping being surrounded by our memories would help me cope. I sat down on the swing and held onto the sides of it. I inhaled a deep breath and released it.

Why was this happening? Just when things seemed to be working out for her. She had loved Adonis Grayson from afar for so long and now that she had the chance to be with him this had to happen to her. It wasn’t fair.

I lost myself in my thoughts. College and any other obligation I had drifted into the background. There was too much going on in my head to concentrate on anything. I pushed off the ground and lifted my feet. The motion swung me back and forth, soothing the pain inside.

It was a while later before I surfaced back to reality to drag my ass back home and abandon any intention to go to college. I would have to get some notes to catch up but hopefully tomorrow I would be able to cope better.

I got off the swing and returned to my car. I drove back home and went inside dropping my bag back in my room.

My laptop stood open on my desk and I stared at it for a while.

Would researching brain tumors help me to cope with Lacey’s diagnosis? I bit my lip unable to move closer to run the search.

No I couldn’t do it. I was too afraid of what I would find. I checked the time on my phone. It was already after lunch time. It would be hours before Max was home and I didn’t want to tell him what was going on over the phone.

I sat down on my bed. It felt like my head was going to explode from my overactive thoughts. From the guilt, to the fear I felt like I was going crazy.

I needed someone to talk to but my parents were at work.

While I hovered over my call list I saw Aiden’s number. He would probably be at college. Did he know? Had Lacey told him about her diagnosis?

I bit my nail as I weighed up the pros and cons of calling him. What if I called him and Lacey hadn’t had a chance to tell him yet? I didn’t want to jump the gun and have to be the one to tell him.

He hadn’t been friends with Lacey long but they had gelled in a way that had skipped years of friendship. I been convinced it was because he felt something for her but as far as I knew he hadn’t taken things further with her.

Honestly I didn’t believe girls and boys could be friends with out there being something more. It wasn’t the way we were built. But Aiden and Lacey seemed to be an exception. I personally had never been able to be friends with a guy without something developing. It was probably the reason I had no boys that were friends.

Unable to sit still I sent Aiden a text message asking him to call me when he had a chance and with that I threw my phone on my bed.

An hour later I was still going crazy inside my head. I hadn’t managed to ease the emotions Lacey’s diagnosis had caused. My parents still weren’t home from work and it would still be a couple of hours before my mom would arrive home first.

My phone pinged beside me and the sound startled me. It was a message from Aiden.

I’m on my way to see Lacey.
I’ll call you when I’m done.

I was so thankful I hadn’t called him. He was only now probably on his way to find out what I had already found out this morning. Being oblivious was something I couldn’t go back to no matter how much I would have preferred it.

And soon he would discover how sick our friend was. I had never been close to Aiden at all but with our shared love for our friend I know it would bring us closer while we dealt with her illness.

It wasn’t going to be easy. I hadn’t even thought the whole thing through and if this was how affected I was by it I didn’t want to think about it was doing to Lacey or Adonis.

I sat up in my bed and held my phone in my hands waiting for Aiden to call me.

When it began to ring I nearly dropped it.

“Hi,” I answered breathless because my heart was racing.

I would finally be able to share my worry with someone and I had been waiting for most of the the day to be able to that.

“Hi.” It was in his voice. He knew.

There was a few moments of silence. I didn’t want to say anything before he was ready to talk. I remember how I had dealt with the shock and trying to wrap my mind around something so monumental. The least I could do was give him time.

“You know.” It was a statement not a question.

“Yeah,” I breathed holding the closer, feeling like we were connecting in a way we never had before.

I heard him let out a heavy breath and I closed my eyes feeling the same heaviness in my chest. Letting him take all the time he needed I listened for him to say something.

“I can’t quite believe it.” His voice was shaky.

“I know…I always thought someone who was so sick would look sick…but she doesn’t…” I trailed off unable to say anything else because of the tightness in my throat.

“Yeah, she doesn’t look sick.”

Although I couldn’t stop myself from thinking back to how bad her migraines had been and I felt the creeping guilt return.

“I feel guilty,” I admitted abruptly.

“Why?” he asked, sounding surprised.

I swallowed before I could answer him. “I feel like I should have known her migraines were something more. Like if I done something earlier it wouldn’t be so bad now.”

“Don’t do it.” His voice was warm and husky. “There’s no way anyone of us could have known.”

But I knew her better than anyone else. I was the person who she shared her secrets with.

“God,” he breathed. “I didn’t even know she suffered from migraines.”

No matter what he had just said to me I could hear him wrestling with his own guilt. Maybe calling him and dumping my own stuff on him at such a difficult time had been a selfish move.

“I’m sorry,” I felt compelled to say.

“Why are you sorry Reece?” he asked carefully.

“I should have given you some time to process all of this and all I’m doing is making it worse for you.”

“No, you’re not.” He let out any heavy sigh. “If this is how I’m feeling I can only imagine how difficult this must be for you.”

His words reached the part of me deep down inside that was really scared this wasn’t going to play out the way I was praying it would. I wiped the tears that caught my eyelashes when I took a shaky breath.

“Reece?” he asked softly.

I didn’t want to feel so emotional but I couldn’t stop the fear and sadness I had cooped up all day.

While I tried to gain some sort of composure Aiden waited patiently on the other side of the call.

“It’s just…” I managed to say before it became too difficult to continue.

“I know.”

Two words bound us together in our shared fear for our friends. The truth was no one would understand what I was feeling like he would. In the same we couldn’t fathom what Adonis was going through.

The fear of losing her was so overwhelming I couldn’t put it into words.

“I feel like I should have done something.”

“No one could have known.”

I lay on my bed and gazed up to the ceiling.

“How was she?” I asked. She had held it together pretty well when she had come by to tell me.

“She seems okay. I think she’s handling it better than most.”

That was good. It was pity I couldn’t say the same for myself.

“I think she’s still in shock,” I murmured.

Realizing for the first time since I had heard her news I didn’t feel like my head was spinning out of control with emotions I couldn’t handle.

“I think we all are.”

It wasn’t like we had a lot in common to talk about but even when our conversation lapsed into silence it didn’t feel awkward or uncomfortable.

Thinking about what the news would be doing to her family brought another bout of emotion I had to breathe through.

“You okay?” he asked softly.

It took be a few more moments before I could whisper a yes.

“Hold on a sec,” he said before I could hear him murmur a soft no.

“Are you sure?” I could hear what sounded like another woman whisper.

“Yeah I’ll get something later.”

Then there was a rustle. “Sorry that was my mom,” he explained.

“If you’re busy I can go,” I said, feeling the need to give him an out.

I didn’t want to put the phone down, I wasn’t ready to be on my own with my thoughts. Even with Max and my parents they wouldn’t understand like Aiden did.

“No not at all,” he assured me. He paused for a moment. “Talking to you makes me feel better.”

I swallowed. I felt exactly the same.

“Lacey came around this morning to break the news. I’ve been a mess ever since,” I revealed. “I couldn’t even go to college.”

“You spent the whole day on your own?”

“Yeah,” I breathed. “I went to park we used to play at. It brought back a lot of memories.” Memories I had forgotten up to now.

I was feeling too emotional to expand on why I had needed to go to a place I shared some of my best childhood memories with Lacey.

“You guys have a lot of history.”

It was more than that. She was the sister I didn’t have, the one I trusted more than anyone else in the world. We had lived in each other’s pockets from the moment we had met. I couldn’t imagine being without her and it was tearing me apart. The unknown. The fear was almost debilitating when i allowed myself to think about it..

I sat up feeling the pressure weighing down on my chest.

The silence stretched on and I heard him sigh. “No matter how we are feeling we have to make sure we keep positive around her…”

I nodded as he trailed off. I would never allow her to see how much it was tearing me up inside. On the outside I would be the stable best friend that she could depend on for anything. I would ensure I kept myself together when I was with her.

“Yeah…” I managed to agree.

I wasn’t ready to end the call even when I didn’t have anything more to say and I couldn’t figure out exactly why. Was it because when I spoke to him I didn’t feel alone in my fear?

My phone buzzed in my ear signaling another call. It was Max.

“I got to go. Max’s trying to call me,” I told Aiden.

“Sure. Tell him I say hi.” And he hung up.

There was only a moment of disappointment before I answered Max’s call with a flutter of nervousness that I had never felt before. “Hi.”

I sounded more emotional and breathless than I had wanted.

“Hey,” he said. His usually chirpy voice only grated on my nerves. How could he be so happy when my world was slowly falling apart? It wasn’t his fault and I knew I shouldn’t feel resentful but I did.

And then I told him about Lacey.