Reece

Alarmed, I shot up and did a quick scan of the room trying to grab everything that belonged to me. I got a pair of shoes and my jacket. Then I dashed into Aiden’s wardrobe and closed the doors, hoping I was over reacting and he wouldn’t be coming upstairs but I wasn’t taking any chances.

While I was more than prepared to come clean to Max today wasn’t the day. I had my hands full with Lacey’s situation and I couldn’t deal with anything else. Once she was out of the woods I would deal with my messed up personal life.

My heart hammered in my chest and I heard voices. I strained to figure out if it was Max with Aiden but the voices were too soft to make out.

This felt like something right out of a movie and I was struggling to figure out how it had got to this. Hiding in a guy’s closet so my boyfriend wouldn’t find me. Who was this person? It wasn’t me but I couldn’t deny my choices had led to this. I had no one to blame but myself. I signed and leaned my head against the door.

The sound of the door opening made me catch my breath.

It was then I remembered I had forgotten my duffel bag. Any thought of dashing to retrieve it evaporated. Could I hope that Max wouldn’t notice it beside Aiden’s bed?

“It’s in the closet.” I immediately recognized Aiden’s voice.

My eyes widened. The same closet I was standing with a few of my items, dressed in my pjs. There would be no acceptable explanation. This was like my worst nightmare playing out in front of me and there was nothing I could do to stop it.

“Thanks.” This voice belonged to Max. He was in the room.

Despite every best intention to handle this situation with some dignity, it was going to unravel this way. Max deserved better than this.

I held my eyes closed tightly. The door opened and my eyes flew open to stare into Aiden’s. He didn’t miss a beat. He reached for a jacket hanging on the coat hanger. Our eyes held for a fraction of a second before he closed the doors. I couldn’t believe I was still hidden in the closet and Max hadn’t seen me.

How was that possible that Max hadn’t seen me. My heart was beating so loud I swear I heard it echo in my ears but I tried my best not to make a sound. I had got this far without being discovered.

“Here.”

Would that be enough? Was that all he would need?

“How’s Reece?” Max asked.

I froze, barely breathing. For a moment I was scared he may have seen me.

“She’s um handling it as well as can be expected.”

I listened intently, hoping Max would leave before he saw something that would tip him off to her presence in the room.

“I haven’t seen much of her. I hate not being able to be there for her. It kind of feels like she is shutting me out and I don’t know how to get her back.”

Max’s words hit me right in the chest. I had no idea he felt that way. He was a great guy, he had done nothing to deserve my treatment of him. I felt like the worst person on the planet.

“She’s just going through a lot,” Aiden explained. “Just give her space. I’m sure once Lacey is out of hospital and on the road to recovery everything will go back to normal.”

The ease to which he lied took me by surprise. He was smooth, I would have believed him had I not known different. He knew full well there would be no going back to normal. Not after what had happened between them. Memories of what they shared in the janitor’s closet made my cheeks warm but in the same instance the guilt I was wrestling with grew heavier.

“Thanks,” Max said. “I’m going to follow your advice. But let me know if you think she needs me to step in for support.”

There was a moment of silence.

“Sure.” Aiden’s response was clipped and short. He yawned.

“Late night.”

“Yeah. And I have to go back to the hospital soon.”

“Thanks for my jacket. I’ll let you get back to Lacey.”

Footsteps retreated and I heard the door close behind them. They had left and I signed with relief. I still wasn’t confident enough to leave the safety of the closet incase they returned.

I replayed the scene in my mind feeling the doubling guilt at Max’s concern for me while I was wrecking everything we had.

A few minutes later I heard one set of footsteps return. I was sure it was Aiden but I didn’t move for fear I was wrong.

The door of the closet opened.

“That was close,” he said.

His words flipped a switch in me and I threw everything I held at him. “Close?”

I pushed past him. My temper had been ignited and my breathing was hard. “What if he had caught me? What then?”

When Aiden didn’t respond, I turned to glare at him accusingly even when I knew he wasn’t the only one responsible party. I had played my part in it.

“What if he did?” he asked softly.

My mouth opened and I didn’t have an immediate response. I shut my mouth abruptly trying to figure out what he was getting at.

“Then everything would be ruined.” My chest rose and fell with each hurried breath.

“But it’s already ruined.” His eyes held mine. ”He just doesn’t know it yet.”

His words blew me away, because although they hurt to hear, they were true.

“I…um..” I couldn’t even argue, feeling like the wind had been taken out of my sails.

Defeated I sat down on his bed trying to grapple with how I felt about his statement.

“We need to talk about what happened.”

My eyes lifted to his. “I know but I’m not ready. Not just yet.”

In all honesty I didn’t want to have to face it at all. The idea of telling Max about what I had done

“Dragging this out is only going to make things worse Reece. You can’t ignore it.”

And yet again he was right. I didn’t want to hear it though. I wanted to run and hide as I was in no place to admit what I had done something I had never believed I was capable of. It was looking in the mirror and seeing your true self and not liking the reflection.

No matter how much I argued that I wasn’t a person who would do this, I had to finally admit I was the person who had done this to Max.

“I don’t know how things could get worse,” I mumbled, feeling like I had hit rock bottom already. I couldn’t go any lower.

Things were pretty bad right now.

“What if he discovers the truth before you’re ready to tell him? You don’t think that’s going to hurt him more?”

I pressed my lips together, refusing to answer. Again, he was right. Just minutes before Max had come so close to discovering me in Aiden’s room. And what if he had? Being told you had been cheating on was one thing but being faced with it was much worse.

“He nearly caught you in my room today. What are you going to do the next time?”

He was getting worked up with each word and I couldn’t look at him so I dropped my gaze to the floor not ready to face any of this.

“Are you going to wait until he catches you with me before you’ll finally admit what’s going on?” His voice rose. My eyes shot to his.

Images of the two of us from the janitors closet flashed through my mind and I swallowed.

“And what exactly is going on?” I asked, feeling a rise in my temper again. I stood up and walked to him. “Tell me.”

“You know what’s going on.” His voice was steel and unwavering.

“I don’t know. I don’t know what I’m doing. This isn’t me. I’m not this person.” I was yelling. I put my hand to my heart. “I’m the person who finds out her boyfriend has been screwing some girl for two months without having any idea it was happen. That’s who I…was. I was Max.” My voice wavered toward the end.

But no amount of talking about it would change things. I was the person in the wrong, I was the one who had made all the choices. The blame couldn’t be steered to rest solely on Aiden’s shoulders. It took two to tango, I had been with him every step of the way even if I couldn’t figure out why I had made the decisions I had. I couldn’t blame it on Lacey’s situation either. There were no excuses for the choices I had made and I had to take responsibility for them.

“I can’t talk about this right-“ I stopped as emotion clogged my throat. I couldn’t finish the sentence.

My eyes began to water as I tried to breath through the tears.

Aiden reached up to touch my cheek gently. “Okay. Then we let it go for the moment. But just for the moment.”

I nodded. He was right. I couldn’t ignore it I definitely but right now it was too much to handle.

That’s what I needed more than anything right then. I needed to be able to ignore the mess of my personal life so I could focus all my energy on Lacey, who needed me to be strong for her.

I took a shaky breath as a tear slid down my cheek. His thumb brushed it away.

“It’s okay Reece.”

I nodded, feeling the emotion. It had to be okay because I couldn’t deal with it right now. I wiped the next tear away, hating that I had lost control. I didn’t know what was wrong with me. This emotional person was a stranger to me.

“Can I drive you to the hospital?”

“I’m not sure that’s a good idea.” I felt shaky and vulnerable. Maybe it was a mixture of stress and lack of sleep.

Every time we were close, things happened. Maybe it was just best to keep as far away from each as physically possible without causing people to notice. It’s the last thing either of them needed.

“Just hear me out.” He reached for my hand but them pulled back like he remembered what happens when he touches me. Things get out of hand.

“Fine,” I said, crossing my arms.

“I know you’re under a lot of stress and you’re exhausted. I just don’t want you to drive in that state. I would never forgive myself if something happened to you.”

I frowned, I have never for a second thought about it. But he was right, the toll of Lacey’s illness and subsequent surgery had put an unbelievable strain on all of us, including Aiden.

“You’re just as stressed and tired.” I pointed out. “Shouldn’t I be worried something might happen to you?”

“I’m tougher than I look.” He smiled but I could see the strain in his features. I wasn’t the only one stuck in purgatory while we waited for Lacey to wake up, he was right there with me.

I touched his arm and his eyes went to the action. I cleared my throat and his eyes lifted to meet mine.

“I know things have gotten complicated but if you need someone to talk to, I’m here.” I needed him to know that this wasn’t just a case where he was there to support me, it worked both ways. I was there for him as well, even if I couldn’t stop myself from wanting him physically.

I swallowed and released his arms when I saw his expression.

“Thanks.”

There was an awkward moment where I was super aware of how close he was standing. I could just take one step and we would be close enough for our lips to touch. I shook my head, trying to get rid of the thought. We had already gotten ourselves into such a mess, I couldn’t deal with more.

“Get dressed, I’ll meet you downstairs. I’ll take you back to the hospital.”

I nodded. I stood watching him as he left the room. There were so many emotions inside of me I took a moment to take a deep breath and release it. I needed to get myself together, so I could be there for Lacey. There was no space for anything else, including a boyfriend who felt neglected or a friend who had become something more. All the complicated stuff had to wait until I could deal.

From that day, one day turned into two, then into a third. One day became another. We all held onto the hope that Lacey would wake up and be okay but with each day that passed it became harder to believe she would.

I had to try and catch up college work and when I wasn’t doing that I was camped out at the hospital. Eventually I lost track of what day it was, the only thing that mattered was my friend. When I saw Aiden, I hated how my heart fluttered at the sight of him. I tried to keep things normal between us when all I could envision was his mouth on mine. My cheeks heated. I had never felt like that for anyone before and it was more than disconcerting. It was like with him I was very aware of my sexuality in a way I had never been before.

He was friendly but he kept his distance. It was exactly what I had wanted but not what I needed. I couldn’t fault him even though his behavior made me angry and annoyed.

I hated how I thought about him when he wasn’t around, I was becoming some love sick girl that I didn’t recognize.

I hadn’t seem much of Max. He was trying to give me some space to deal with Lacey. It gave me the excuse to delay telling him the truth. I kept promising myself that once Lacey was out of the wood I would face it head on, no more hiding from it.

Maybe it was another excuse to allow me to cope but I tried not to think about it.

I was irritated, from lack of sleep and trying to finish an assignment when my phone rang.

It was Aiden. My hand hovered over the phone and I debated whether to pick it up. Finally, relenting I answered it.

“She’s awake.”

It took a few seconds for his words to make sense. I dropped my pen.

“She’s awake?” It felt like it was impossible so I wondered if I had actually heard him correctly.

“Yeah.”

He gave me a few moments. “You still there?”

“Yeah. I just can’t believe she’s finally awake. Did she say anything? How is she?”

The questions came out faster than he could answer them.

“She has some memory loss.”

The relief I felt only seconds ago was stunted.

“Memory loss?” I echoed.

“Yeah. She doesn’t remember me.” There was a sadness in his voice. “Or her relationship with Gray.”

I knew there had been a chance of memory loss but it was still hard hitting. But the main thing was she was awake. I took hold of the hope that my friend would recover completely and shut out everything other pessimistic thought.

“She’ll remember,” I assured him with a confidence that didn’t come from any medical experience. My belief was if she had come this far what was a little memory loss. It seemed so small in comparison to the worst case scenario. Death.

I heard him sigh.

“Just give her time. She just needs time to heal.” During the time I had needed him to hold me up and show me I wasn’t alone he had stepped up and this was my chance to do the same for him.

“You’re right. It just sucks right now. I just want to give her hug because I’m so glad she is awake and she has no idea who I am.”

There was a moment of silence.

“She will remember. I just know it.” She had overcome so much, remembering some forgotten memories felt like a walk in the park compared to my worse fears.

“I know.”

“I’m going to head to the hospital. Will I see you there?”

It was probably not a good idea to see him but I wanted to be able to comfort him.

“No. I need to get some coursework done and I’m looking forward to getting a good nights sleep tonight.”

We had all been living with the stress of Lacey’s situation, twenty four hours for the last seven days. And now she was awake and we could all just relax for the first time.

“I get it. I’ll keep you updated if you want.”

“Thanks Reece.”

He ended the call.

I sat there for a few minutes.

It felt like forever since I had been able to take a breath and relax for the first time. Then I thought back to all the stuff that had gone down between Aiden and myself. I couldn’t put off telling Max the truth anymore and I would have to have the talk I had been delaying with Aiden on what was going on between us. I contemplated if my feelings and uncharacteristic actions would continue now that my friend was finally out of danger and awake. Only time would tell.