Lacey

Aiden’s doctor was an old guy with gray hair and glasses. He was friendly, and he calmed my nerves that had been building for the last couple of days.

With a concentrated expression, he asked me a few questions, and then he leaned back in his chair, looking at me. “I don’t want to waste your time, so I’m going to refer you to a specialist.”

Specialist. My fear spiked.

“Is that necessary?” I asked, I found a deep sense of foreboding form inside of me.

“Unfortunately, I’m limited with the tests that I can run, and a specialist will do a more thorough check than I can.” He reached for a notepad and paper on his desk.

It was hard to keep myself from freaking out. It wasn’t like I hadn’t thought that it might happen, but that it was amplifying all the fears I’d been experiencing since I’d fainted.

He scribbled on the notepad and then tore off the paper. Seeing my obvious fear, his eyes softened as he handed me the paper. “This doesn’t mean its something serious.”

I nodded as I gripped the paper in my hand. I took a deep breath and released it. Panic hovered just below the surface, threatening to overtake everything.

Outside his office, Aiden was sitting in the waiting room. He got up and walked out with me.

“Everything okay?” He walked beside me out of the building and into the car park.

“Yes.” I nodded, trying to keep it together.

I couldn’t even try to figure out how I was going to go see the specialist without Aiden becoming more suspicious. I didn’t want to involve my family either.

Once Aiden dropped me off, I went straight upstairs to my room to collect myself before I had to face my family. I sat down at my laptop and googled the specialist to see where his office was. When I found a bus route to the specialist, I felt a little better. I could take the bus to see him, which meant no one had to know.

It was better to get it over and done with. It scared me that if I didn’t call to make an appointment now, I would let my fear keep me from getting myself checked out. A friendly receptionist answered. He was a busy doctor, so it would take a week before I could see him.

An entire week, seven days, it would feel like forever.

I went into my bathroom and splashed some water on my face to pull myself together. As I dried my face, I looked at my reflection. Did I look like someone who was sick? I thought I looked healthy, but that might not be the case. Taking a deep breath, I held it for a moment and expelled it, trying to rid myself of the negative emotions.

Staying positive was the only way I was going to keep it from everyone and there only way I could keep it together until I saw the specialist.

But it was easier said than done, with Adonis watching on me all the time. Even at the dinner table, I had to keep my eyes from meeting his. It scared me he could see what I was trying to hide.

“Are you okay?” My mom noticed my somber mood.

“Yeah, I’m just tired.” I set my fork down. I lifted my eyes to meet hers and she gave me a soft smile.

“You haven’t eaten much,” she said, and I looked down to my plate. She was right, I’d been picking at my food for the last half an hour. I had little appetite. Balls of nervous knots hadn’t left enough space for food in my stomach.

I could feel the burn of Adonis’ eyes on me, but I refused to look his way.

“I’m just not that hungry.” I shrugged. Despite my best attempts to keep my fears to myself, I felt like I was failing miserably.

“I think I just need an early night,” I told my mom, giving her my biggest smile to hide my genuine feelings.

“Okay baby.” She still looked concerned.

I got out of there as fast as I could. Once inside the safety of my room, I felt a wave of the emotions I’d been smothering since I’d been to the doctor. My hands clamped over my mouth as a sob tore from me. I felt scared. Tears slipped down my cheek as I sat down on my bed, trying to keep myself from crying too loud in case someone heard me. She might come up to check up on me.

My sobs turned to whimpers as my tears slowed. I wiped the tears from my cheeks as my emotions eased. I felt tired, but I felt a little better that I’d had a cry, so I had a quick shower before I went to bed.

Even though I felt exhausted, sleep eluded me. I lay in the dark staring up at the ceiling trying to cope with the fact that something terrible could be wrong with me and nothing could fix it.

It was hard to hold on to the hope that it could be something small that some medicine would take care of. I was a born worrier, so there was no chance I wouldn’t worry until I found out from the specialist what was wrong with me.

Just a few weeks ago I worried about what I was going to do with the rest of my life, and now I worried if I would even have a future to live.

I tossed and turned for most of the night, and the next morning I was even more tired. I could have called in sick to work, but I needed something to keep my mind busy. If I stayed at home, all I would do is spend every moment thinking about my migraines and the specialist.

Being at work was hard. I struggled to concentrate on what I had to do. I forgot orders and got a couple of tables confused.

Jax pulled me aside half way through my shift.

“Are you okay?” he asked with concern.

“Yeah... I’m fine,” I told him. “I just can’t seem to concentrate today.”

“We all have off days,” he said.

At the end of the day I was tired, and I could feel a headache starting up. It didn’t surprise me. With all the stress, I’d been expecting it.

It didn’t help that when I stepped out of the restaurant instead of my mom’s car, there stood Adonis’ car. I wasn’t in the mood for another one of his concerned conversations.

Feeling my mood darken, I walked immediately to the vehicle. Even though I was tired and knew I was in for another lecture with him, I couldn’t help the flutter inside of me when his eyes connected with mine.

“Hi.” I got into his car.

“Hi,” he said. “Your mom was running late and asked me to pick you up.”

“Thanks.” I tried to keep my tone light and free of my resentment to seeing him.

He started up the car and pulled out of the carpark. I felt his eyes on me and I gave him a side glance.

“You look a little pale,” he said with concern.

“I’m getting a headache.” I closed my eyes and leaned my head back against the headrest, trying to relax.

He was quiet for the rest of the journey, and I was glad that I didn’t have to listen to another lecture.

Once we arrived at my house, I opened the door. The pounding in my head was worsening. Adonis followed me into my house and he watched as I found my migraine medication and filled a glass with some water. Under his watchful gaze, I swallowed two of the tablets.

“I’m going to lie down,” I said. He looked like he wanted to say something, but he seemed to change his mind.

“Sure.” He watched me leave the kitchen.

He’d had been acting weird around me. It was like he wanted to say something to me and then at the last minute he would stop himself. There was something up with him.

My mind couldn’t concentrate on anything but what I’d discover when I went to the specialist. Aiden’s doctor had called the specialist for me and gave him my initial reports so he could schedule the tests. The sooner I found out what was wrong with me, the better.

**********

The day before my appointment, I was a bundle of nerves. I’d swapped shifts at work so I wouldn’t have to work that day or the next. The more nervous I got, the more I seemed to stuff up at work, so I stayed home.

Reece had called me twice today, but I’d been avoiding her.

She knew me better than anyone else, and she knew there was something wrong.

The house was quiet. I was on my own. Everyone was out, and I was trying to keep myself occupied with some reading, but after reading the same page three times I still did not know what was going on, so I gave up and went into the kitchen.

The doorbell rang, and I frowned. I hadn’t been expecting anyone and when I opened the door to find Adonis I was a little surprised to see him.

“Alex isn’t here,” I told him.

“I know. I need to talk to you,” he said.

“As long as it isn’t another lecture.”

He shook his head, and I shrugged. If it wasn’t about that, then the least I would do was listen to what he had to say. I’d successfully avoided the conversation about our kiss. Was that what he wanted to talk about? Suddenly, I felt a little nervous.

Stepping back, I allowed him in. He followed me into the living room. I sat down as he ran a hand through his hair, but he didn’t sit down. Instead, he stood in front of me looking agitated. It was so weird to see him like this. He was always confident and self-assured.

“What do you want to talk about?” I asked when the silence stretched.

“How close are you and Aiden?” he said, and I frowned. I hadn’t expected that.

“We’re close.” It wasn’t a lie, but I was sure he would take it entirely a different way.

I wasn’t sure why I wouldn’t come clean and tell him we were just friends. Maybe I wanted him to think I’d moved on. It was better than being loser who was still in love with him. He shoved his hands into the front pocket of his jeans while he studied me for a moment.

“I know this is none of my business, but I need to ask you something,” he said. “Are you being careful?”  

“I’m not sure I know what you’re talking about.” I frowned.

He let out a deep breath and rubbed the back of his neck.

“Are you and Aiden being ‘careful’?” he asked.

When my mind registered what he was saying, my mouth dropped open in shock. Of all the things I’d expected, I hadn’t expected that.

It took me a few moments as he watched me to get over the shock. I stood up, feeling angry that he’d asked me something like that.

“You have no right to ask me a question like that.” I struggled to keep my temper under control. It shocked me, he thought Aiden, and I were that close.

“I just want to make sure that you don’t make a mistake that you will have to live with for the rest of your life.”

I put my hands on my hips as I glared at him. “I have a brother already, Gray, and I don’t need another one.” This was the type of behavior I expected from Alex, not from his best friend.

“Is it so bad that I care and I don’t want you to make a stupid mistake?” He shrugged.

“Yes. You need to stop meddling in my life,” I yelled at him and his jaw twitched as he clenched it closed.

He was like family, but he wasn’t my older brother. Come to think of it, I wouldn’t allow my brother to meddle either.

There was no way I was going to tell him I’d never been with anyone before. It wasn’t something he needed to know.

I didn’t want him to play the protective brother role. The role I wanted him to play in my life he didn’t want. I wanted him to be that person who loved me, but he didn’t.

Exasperated with him, I gave him one more glare before I stormed out of the living room. I don’t know how long he stood there before he walked out because later I came down and he had left.

Alex went to his house that evening so I didn’t see him again.

It took me a while to let go of my anger. That he thought I needed to be on the pill cemented the knowledge that he thought I was dating Aiden. Well, he thought, I was doing a lot more than just hanging out with him.

The next day I took the bus to the specialist. Nervously, I sat in the waiting room until the receptionist showed me to his office.

He was a younger than I expected. I don’t know why I expected someone much older.

He smiled and tried to make me feel at ease while he went through the information the doctor had sent him. I patiently answered his questions as best as I could.

I was disappointed to find out he wouldn’t be able to tell me anything immediately. He would need to run some tests and he would need to see me in a couple of days to go over the results.

Disappointment flooded through me at the thought of two more days of agonizing waiting.

It was hard to go home and keep my worry hidden from the loved ones around me. I was also a terrible actress, so it was easier to just avoid everyone instead of trying to act like everything was fine.

Two days later, I got a call in the morning. The specialist asked me to come in to see him. That should have been the first sign that something was very wrong.

I called Jax and swapped my shift with someone else so I could take the day off. I was a bundle of nerves when I got on the bus. Every scenario of what he would say cycled through my mind and by the time I got to his office I was a nervous wreck with the fear suffocating me from the inside.

His receptionist ushered me straight into his office. He tried to smile at me as I sat down across from him, but I could see his smile didn’t reach his eyes. It was the second sign.

“I’ve gotten the results of the tests,” he informed me. I held my breath.

It was only seconds for him to reveal what was wrong with me. It took only seconds for my life to change completely.

In shock I tried to listen to everything he said, but it was hard when I all I could think that what he’d told me had been the worst scenario I’d imagined and I was living it.

“Do you need me to call someone?” the doctor asked with concern.

“No... I’m okay.” I gave him a weak smile because there was no way I was fine. Fine was very far away from where I was now.

Someone. I’d kept it from everyone. He did not know that no one knew I was here.

Afterwards, I walked out of the building and stood at the bus stop. I was on autopilot as I got onto the bus and sat down. Down the road from my house, I got off the bus and walked dazed to my house.

I still couldn’t comprehend what the doctor had told me, and I did not know how I was going to tell anyone. For a while I just lay on my bed, but when it got later I climbed out of my window and onto the roof.

I lay down and looked up to the sky that was darkening.

As the stars twinkled in the darker sky, I knew I couldn’t hide forever, I would have to face my family and tell them the terrible news but I just couldn’t.

I needed more time, so instead I lay perfectly still, gazing up at the stars. I wasn’t ready yet.