Lacey

By the time I made it into my bed, exhaustion was an understatement. My mom hurried in with my medication, and Adonis watched anxiously from my doorway. I drank the tablets and sank back into my bed, closing my eyes because my head was hurting so badly.

“She’ll be okay.” I heard my mom say to Adonis as she left my room.

“What is it?” he asked in a whisper, his voice concerned.

“A migraine,” my mom answered in a whisper. I groaned as I turned onto my side, hugging my pillow close for comfort in the darkness.

“Will she be okay?” he asked softly.

“She’ll be good by the morning.”

No, I wouldn’t be good in the morning. I would have to face him after I’d puked in front of him. There was no way I was ever going to live it down. The tablets helped ease the pain, and I fell asleep.

The next morning I slept in. I roused once when my mom checked up on me when I’d didn’t get up at my usual time.

“How are you feeling?” My mom asked me gently.

“Tired.” I yawned, still tired enough not to want to get up.

“Sleep.”

I turned over and drifted off to sleep again. The next time I woke up again, it was afternoon already. Having wasted most of the day already, I got up and had a shower. The only thing that replayed in my mind repeatedly was throwing up in front of Adonis.

I felt so embarrassed. I leaned my head against the tiles as I tried to deal with the fact that he’d seen me at my worst. Letting out a sigh, I decided there was no point in letting it dominate my thoughts.

I pulled on some comfy clothes. It was a Sunday, and I didn’t have any plans other than watching some TV. The house was quiet. I was alone. I found a note from my mom saying that they went out for lunch and they would bring me food home. My tummy grumbled at the thought. I just sat down on the sofa and started watching TV when there was a knock at the door. I got up and went to open the front door.

“Hey,” Adonis said. At the sight of him made my stomach flip and my embarrassment at what happened the previous day crept into my cheeks.

“Hi.” I let him in and he followed me into the living room.

“How are you feeling?” He studied me as I plopped down onto the sofa.

“Fine,” I told him. “I’m sorry about last night.”

The TV was still on, so the noise filled the awkward silence that followed. He stood beside the sofa and studied me for a moment.

“You have nothing to be sorry for. I was glad I could help.”

“Thanks,” I said. I just wanted to forget it had ever happened. He sat down beside me in the empty seat beside me.

“Does that happen often?” he asked, curiously.

“Sometimes.” I didn’t want to reveal they were getting worse. It was something I hadn’t told anyone.

“I never knew you suffered from migraines.”

I clasped my hands together nervously, not really wanting to talk about it.

“I got my first one about a year ago,” I said with a shrug, not wanting to make a big deal out of it. Many people suffered from migraines. Initially, I’d only got them once a month, but as time had passed, I’d started getting them more regularly. The reason he’d never seen me have one is because he was hardly ever around.

“What did the doctor say?” he asked, and I was a little surprised by his interest.

“He said stress could cause them.” I focused my eyes on the TV instead of him.

“Why are you stressed?” I felt the warmth of his gaze on me.

I pressed my lips together for a moment before I turned to face him. Our eyes met, and I felt a shiver of excitement.

“You know the usual stuff... high school and trying to figure out what I’m going to do with the rest of my life.” I tried to explain.

He nodded his head like he understood, but he already had his life on track. He was doing exactly what he’d always wanted to, and I couldn’t imagine him doing anything else. I didn’t have that type of passion for anything and it scared me I might never.

“I hope I didn’t ruin your night,” I said. Some part of me wanted to know what he’d been doing when Reece had called.

“We were at a party,” He gave a dismissive shrug and focused his eyes on the TV. It wasn’t a surprise. Even though he couldn’t go to clubs like most guys their age, they went to a lot of parties in the neighborhood where there seemed to be one every weekend.

“Why didn’t Alex come and fetch me?” That same part of me needed to know why he’d come instead of my brother. I felt that little hope that his concern for me had been the reason he fetched me.

“He was drunk,” he said, shaking his head with a smile. “He’d been doing shots with some girl and she drank him right under the table.”

At the mention of a girl, I felt the usual feeling of jealousy. I shoved it down, trying to remind myself that he could do whatever he wanted with any girl he wanted. It was another reminder that I needed to move on.

There was never a shortage of girls around him, and it was only a matter of time before he picked one to get serious about. I had to make sure I got over him before that because watching that was going to be pure torture if I still loved him the way I did.

While he was watching TV, I let my eyes sneak a side-glance at his profile, and I savored it for a moment. Frustrated with myself, I pulled my eyes away from him and fixed them on the TV. For my sanity, I had to figure out how to move on.

“It looks nice on you,” he said, bringing me out of my thoughts. I looked at him, confused at what he was talking about.

“The necklace.” His fingers reached out and touched the small harp pendant. My breath caught.

The small brush of his fingers against my skin was enough to make my heart beat with anticipation. I looked up to him and swallowed hard. His eyes fixed on the pendant while I watched him.

The noise from the TV disappeared as he became all I could concentrate on. I felt a rush of excitement when his eyes lifted to mine. As our gazes held, I ran the tip of my tongue across my bottom lip and his eyes flickered to the action.

His eyes held mine, and I held my breath as he leaned closer. I couldn’t quite believe what was happening. The moment the thought entered my mind that he was going to kiss me with his lips nearly touching mine, noise from the hallway interrupted us.

He pulled away first, and it left me reeling at the fact that Adonis, my brother’s best friend who I’d loved from the tender age of thirteen, had nearly kissed me. But there was no time to process what had almost happened because my mom breezed into the living room.

“Hi,” she greeted us with a cheerful smile. I plastered a smile that I didn’t feel to my lips when I looked up to my mom. “I brought you guys some food.”

I was still trying to calm my rapidly beating heart when I nodded. Adonis looked up to my mom and gave her his signature dimpled smile.

“Thanks.” He stood up and followed my mom out of the living room.

I sat alone, trying to figure out if what had just happened had been a part of my imaginations because Adonis had been so together and I was coming apart at the seams. I took a deep breath and released it. I was so confused.

Had it been real or had my feelings for him made me imagine it? For a few minutes I remained sitting on the sofa trying to calm myself down, and I took a deep breath before I released it. My heart was still beating with excitement as I tried to pull myself together.

Once my heartbeat slowed down, I ventured into the kitchen to get my lunch. The smell of my favorite lasagna hit me as I stepped in to the kitchen. Alex and my parents had gone to our favorite Italian restaurant. My mom had brought food for Adonis as well. It was probably lasagna. We both loved it.

Alex and Adonis sat at the kitchen table. They were talking about the party that they’d been to last night.

Adonis took a bite out of his food, listening to my brother’s story intently. My eyes went to him. I don’t know what I was looking for but he didn’t have a sticker on his head that read ‘Tried to kiss Harp’.

I got my food and sat down at the table, feeling like a third wheel in their company.

“How are you feeling?” Alex frowned. I moved my attention from Adonis to my brother, who was looking at me with genuine concern.

“I’m fine.” I took a bite of my food and tried to settle the flutter of nerves when Adonis looked to me. Our eyes met for a second. I hoped to see something there that proved the near kiss hadn’t been a part of my wild imagination.

But there was nothing. He looked at me the way he always did, except this time there was no teasing smile.

The disappointment I felt I tried to hide by dropping my gaze to my plate and shoving a mouthful of my favorite lasagna in my mouth. It was tasteless as I chewed it. My mind was running wild through my thoughts, trying to replay every moment of the near kiss to figure out what had happened.

My appetite waned, and I pushed the rest of my food aside. I’d lost my appetite. Alex and Adonis went back to their conversation about the night before. I picked up my plate and took it to the sink as my mom entered the kitchen.

“Are you okay, baby?” my mom asked when she saw how little I’d eaten

“I’m fine,” I said. My mom gave me a skeptical look. She studied me for a moment with a frown. Then it occurred to me to make up an excuse so I could go back to my room and hide.

“I’m a little tired,” I said.

“Maybe you should go lie down,” my mom said. “I’ll check on you a little later.”

I nodded before I left to find sanctuary in my bedroom.

For the rest of the day, I hid out in my bedroom. For a while I lay on my bed, my hands linked under my head looking up to the ceiling replaying the near kiss. After the twentieth time I tried to distract myself with some reading, but I reread the same page ten times before I gave up and shut the book with a resigned sigh. Even the TV in my room couldn’t hold my attention, and I thought about Adonis again.

I’d run through the moment so many times I believed if my mom had not interrupted us, he would have kissed me. As happy and excited as I was at the thought, I also felt a little fear. I’d been hoping for this to happen for the last five years, and now that something had nearly happened, a new set of fears entered my mind.

He had never been serious about a girl before. On one hand, it made me feel maybe he was just waiting for the right girl to come along, like me. But I couldn’t stop the thought that maybe he looked at me like he did all the other girls, and I was just another casual thing. I took a deep breath and released it. I was probably blowing the whole thing out of proportion, but it was hard not to think about all the reasons behind the near kiss.

I’d been so ready to move on and find someone who could love me back, and this had put a stop to that plan. How could I even contemplate moving on if there was a possibility he felt the same way about me?

Rubbing my forehead, I could feel the start of a headache coming on. I needed to calm down, otherwise it would develop into a migraine.

My mom checked up on me. I felt a little guilty for making her worry. By the time I went downstairs for dinner, Adonis and my brother had left. I felt a little relieved that I didn’t have to hide out in my bedroom for the rest of the evening. I watched some TV with my parents and finished the lasagna I’d abandoned earlier.

Adonis monopolized my thoughts even though I was trying my best not to think of him. There was only one thing that helped me find some peace when everything got too much. I climbed out of my bedroom window and climbed to a part of the roof that was level. I lay down with my arms beside me, looking up at the night sky.

It was so beautiful. There wasn’t a cloud in the sky so there was nothing to hide the brilliant stars shining in the dark sky with a half moon’s light illuminating down on me. I let out a breath. It felt like I was a part of it and all my problems felt inconsequential.

Calmness washed over me. My hectic and agonizing thoughts disappeared. For just those few moments, I cleared my head of all thoughts and just enjoyed the simple task of enjoying the beautiful canvas laid out above me.

Voices from below pulled me out of daze, and I strained to hear what the voices were saying. My brother’s room was beside mine and I could hear the voices were coming from his window. I noticed it well after midnight already.

“I thought it was to be a small get together,” Adonis said.

“I didn’t know Jason was going to invite that many people,” my brother remarked. “At least there was some talent.”

The last part made me listen closer.

“So what did you think of the hot blonde?” my brother asked, and I held my breath.

“She was beautiful.”

“She was really into you,” my brother added and I held still as I continued eavesdrop on their conversation.

“I got her number.” Adonis sounded smug.

In that moment, what little hope I’d been holding onto vanished. I closed my eyes for a moment, feeling the sting of tears. Feeling hurt and betrayed, I struggled to deal with my feelings.

I was angry with myself. I’d promised myself that I was going to get over him, but every time I saw the smallest bit of a chance of something with him, everything else went out the window.

Disgusted with myself that I’d allowed him to hurt me again, I brushed the tears from my face as I sat up.

Adonis and Alex’s voices faded, and I took that opportunity to climb down and back into my room.

I lay on my bed hugging my pillow as more tears slid down my face as I wrestled with the ache in my chest.

For a little while, I cried and I let it all out. Once I wiped the last tear away, I took an unsteady breath and let it out.

That was it, I would not allow myself to embrace my feelings for him. There was no going back.

If he had cared for me, he wouldn’t have asked a girl for her number. I had to face reality that he would never feel the same way I did and I couldn’t waste anymore time hoping that he would. I’d spent most of the day agonizing over him, and he’d been hitting on some girl. Just thinking about it made my heart ache with renewed pain.

The necklace around my neck felt like a chain weighing me down. I took it off and held it in my hand for a moment. On top of my dressing table there was a small trinket box, and I put the necklace inside it.

It hurt too much to wear it. If anyone asked about it, I would tell them I’d lost it.