Lacey

It wasn’t long before Adonis walked into the kitchen. The sight of him usually made me smile, but after deciding what I was going to do, it made me hurt, especially when he gave me a dimpled smile. I made my best attempt to hide my inner turmoil.

“Hey.” He dropped into the empty chair beside me. My father and brother had left, so it was only us and my mom.

I averted my eyes from him. I didn’t want him to see that there was something wrong. His hand covered mine.

“You okay?” he asked. I nodded my head as I lifted my eyes to his. The plastered smile fixed on my face, I was trying my best not to let him see the sadness I was fighting inside.

His eyes searched mine before he wrapped an arm around me and pulled me closer. I felt a funny feeling in my arm and I looked down at my hand. It felt like a numbness feeling that spread up my arm from my hand. I flexed it and shook my hand, hoping for it to go away.

“What’s wrong?” Adonis was watching me.

“It’s my arm. It feels a little numb,” I said. I saw the fear in his eyes before he swept it under a mask. He took my arm into his hands. He rubbed it, hoping to increase the blood flow.

I could feel my time slipping through my fingers. The side effects were happening more often, which meant the tumor was still growing.

After a few minutes, my arm returned to normal. The doorbell rang. I hadn’t been expecting anyone, and I looked to my mom.

“I’m not expecting anyone.” She was busy doing the dishes.

I got up to answer the front door. It was Link. He looked every inch a rocker who could have any girl he wanted. He was tall, dressed in a black shirt with jeans. 

“Lacey,” he said, and I smiled. He looked preoccupied and agitated, which I wasn’t used to.

“Hi.” I stepped back so he could enter.

“Is he here?” he asked, and I nodded my head. I shut the front door and led the way to the kitchen.

At the sight of Link, Adonis’ jaw tightened. He wasn’t happy to see his bandmate.

“Hi,” Link greeted my mom before turning his attention to Adonis, who had risen. The atmosphere turned tense, I couldn’t decipher what passed between the two of them.

“What are you doing here?” Adonis barely kept his anger at bay.

“We need to talk.” Link rubbed his brow, but he had a determined glint in his eye.

“We can talk in the living room,” Adonis told him, and they left the kitchen.

I was witnessing the repercussions of my tumor on his life. This was only the first time, but what about the next time or the time after that?

“What’s that about?” my mom asked, and I shrugged like I didn’t know. I didn’t want to admit to my mom that I’d eavesdropped on their conversation, so it was easier to pretend I didn’t know.

Link was here to talk some sense into him, and I hoped he succeeded. I sat down at the kitchen table for a few minutes sipping some tea. Sounds of heated voices pulled my attention to my mom, who was looking to the doorway with concern.

“I’ll go,” I told my mom. This was about me and I’d hoped that they would have sorted it without me having to interfere, but clearly that wasn’t happening. The closer I got, the louder the voices were.

“I don’t have to explain anything!” I’d never heard Adonis so angry before, I hesitated and then pushed forward.

“How can you say that?” Link sounded exasperated. “Of course you do.”

“I wouldn’t do this if I had an alternative. Trust me on this.” Adonis was cryptic, giving nothing away. Did he not want to tell Link about me? Was it his way of protecting me?

“I don’t get it. Why are you bailing on us?” Link asked, shaking his head.

I hesitated by the doorway, debating if it was a good idea to interfere, but I couldn’t allow Adonis to do this to protect me.

When I entered the room, their attention moved to me.

“What’s going on?” I asked, not wanting to reveal I already knew. Adonis glanced at the carpet. He wasn’t happy for me to know. I looked to Link for an answer when I realized I would not get one from Adonis.

“He won’t do an appearance tonight,” he said, and shot Adonis a resentful look.

“Why?” This time I directed my question at Adonis, who looked up to meet my gaze head on.

He didn’t answer straight away. It was like he was trying to figure out what to say. Just when I thought he was going to answer he pressed his lips together refusing to answer.

“Does it have something to do with this?” Link shoved a magazine into Adonis’ hands. The shock on his face made me move beside him to take a closer to see the cover on the magazine.

Is Adonis Grayson sick? The headline read. The picture that accompanied it was of Adonis walking out of the specialist’s office. It shocked me. I’d been there, and I’d never seen a photographer taking pictures. All I remember was the crowd of girls who had gathered to get autographs.

Adonis’ eyes were on me as he handed the shoved the magazine back at Link. “It’s just someone trying to make headlines.”

His bandmate glanced between Adonis and I.

“If you hadn’t been acting so weird, I might have agreed with you.” Link wasn’t buying it.

I couldn’t let Adonis take any more flack from Link.

“It’s me,” I admitted softly.

“You don’t need to-.” Adonis tried to stop me, but I cut him off.

“I do.” I shot him a determined look. Link frowned.

“I’m the one who had to see the specialist.” I still hated to admit my body was letting me down. Adonis wrapped his arm me and held me close. “I’ve got a brain tumor.”

There was a stunned silence.

“I’m sorry, Lacey…” The fierce annoyance that he had exhibited only moments before had faded away and he looked shocked. He moved to embrace me and Adonis dropped his arm from my shoulders. He hugged me hard, and I gave a shuddering breath.

“I’m sorry, man,” Link said to Adonis when he let me go.

“It wasn’t my secret to tell.” He shrugged before taking my hand into his, a sign he was going to shoulder whatever happened with me. It made me more emotional than I wanted to admit.

“How bad is it?” Link asked, and the look Adonis shot him warned him not to go there.

“I have to have surgery to remove it.” To say it out aloud made it more real and a lot
scarier.

Now that everything was out in the open, Adonis gave him a brief rundown of what the specialist had said. His friend’s eyes shot to mine, and I could see the realization hit him that my chances for survival were slim. Then there was understanding in his features.

“That is hectic,” he whispered. “If you need anything, you let me know.”

I swallowed my emotions that wanted to break free at his sweet words. I nodded slowly, trying to keep myself from allowing my emotions to take hold. Adonis embraced me and pressed a kiss to my forehead.

“You take whatever time you need,” Link said to Adonis. “We can handle it.”

“Thanks.”

Link left, leaving Adonis and I alone in the living room.

“You okay?” he asked, tilting my face up to his so he could directly into my eyes.

I took a shaky breath and nodded. I wasn’t okay, but I would not admit that to him. With the appointment with the specialist and deciding to cut Adonis free weighed on me, but I gave him a weak smile to reassure him.

We went back to the kitchen so he could eat breakfast. Afterward he left to home to change. Preoccupied with my thoughts, I went upstairs to have a shower and get cleaned up.

I was in the shower rinsing the soap from my body when I felt a wave of dizziness, so I leaned against the tiles until my world stopped spinning. My temple throbbed slightly, and I slid down to sit in the shower. Feeling a little frightened, I tried to stand up again, but I didn’t feel steady on my feet. It was like I was drunk.

Carefully, I got out of the shower and wrapped a towel around my body. I made it to my bed before I sat down. Feeling fearful, I took an emotional breath and exhaled. I stood up and this time I felt steadier, so I got dressed without further incident.

There was a sharp knock at my door, and I opened it. Adonis wore a hoodie and jeans. It was a good way of going undetected. I let him into my room, taking I the full effect he had on me. He moved closer, resting his hand lightly on my hips as he pressed his lips to mine. I held the sides of his face, pulling him closer.

In the back of my mind, I was preparing to let him go, but my heart wanted him now. His arms slid around my waist and he pulled me closer, deepening the kiss.

I knew I had to let him go but my hands gripped his shirt refusing to do it. It was wrong, but it felt so right. He broke the kiss and leaned his forehead against mine. He was breathing hard. I felt the softness of his warm breath on my face.

“If I get that type of greeting, I’ll leave more often.” He joked with a teasing smile that made my knees go weak.

I could smile back and pretend everything was okay when it wasn’t so instead I did something I hadn’t planned to. I leaned forward and kissed him hard. He didn’t hesitate. He gripped the sides of my face as his tongue swept into my mouth, twirling with mine.

This time when he stopped kissing me and pulled away gently, I frowned. 

“I need a moment,” he said. He let out a haggard breath.

“Why?” I asked, taking a step back and crossing my arms.

“Because I’m a guy and I have only so much self-control.” His big expressive eyes held mine.

I didn’t want him to control how he felt when he was with me. He wanted me and I wanted him. That spun my insides.

My mom had gone out for a couple of hours, so we were alone in the house with time on our hands.

I didn’t want to die without knowing what it felt like to be with a guy, and there was only one guy I wanted and he was standing in front of me now. He had my heart, and now I wanted him in a way a woman wanted a man.

The nagging voice in the back of my mind reminded me about my decision to let him go, but I reasoned with myself. I only wanted this one last thing from him, and then I promised myself I do what was best for him even if it hurt.

This moment I wanted for myself. Taking a step closer, he frowned.

“What’s wrong?” he asked. I lifted myself up onto my tiptoes and pressed my mouth to his.

My arms wrapped around his neck, pulling him closer.

He let me lead the kiss. His hands settled on my hips and pulled me closer. It felt so right. I caressed his tongue with mine and he groaned against my lips. But then he pulled away, but I refused to release my hold around his neck.

“I’m barely hanging on,” he whispered to me hoarsely. I loved the fact that I could reduce him to this.

“Then don’t. I want you,” I said. His eyes pierced mine. I wanted this with him so badly and he wanted it as well. What was the problem?

“We don’t have to rush this.” His words cut right through me. The reminder of my illness stole my moment of happiness and anticipation.

“I might not have time,” I said, with a realistic view on the chances I had for a future.

Hoping I would make it through didn’t turn it into reality. If I didn’t make it, I didn’t want to die without experiencing this something with him. It wouldn’t just be a physical act. The way we felt about each other made it so much more.

He studied me for a moment.

“I can’t believe that,” he said. People died every day, and I was no different.

“I want you to love me,” I said to him. 

I saw the battle going on inside of him. One part of him didn’t want to rush into it, believing there would be time. But the other part of him that did want to was looking at the whole situation with a realistic attitude. I’d fought that same battle.

“Please,” I whispered, searching his eyes.

“But your mom_”

“She’s out and she won’t be back for a couple of hours.”

There were no excuses.

I saw the indecision in his eyes again, so I gave him a nudge in the right direction. I lifted myself up onto my tiptoes and pressed my lips to his again.

That did it. The moment I felt his arms wind around me and pulled me up against him, I knew I’d won. His lips moved against mine with intent, and I loved the feel of him taking control.

His hands slid up my shirt and caressed my sides. I felt a flutter of excitement and anticipation. He broke the kiss and reached for the bottom of his shirt and pulled it over his head. My eyes feasted over his naked torso. I’d seen him half naked before when he’d been swimming or working out, but being up close and personal with him and being able to run my hands over his hard muscles was something else entirely.

Our eyes held each other as I reached for my shirt and discarded it on the floor. His eyes swept over me and I felt alive, wanting and needing more. The closeness of his skin against mine made my skin tingle as his hand held my hips and brought us close together.

This time when his lips touched mine, there was a hunger and a desperate need. His kiss was harder and more demanding as his tongue caressed mine. My stomach fluttered in excitement and burned with want. I wanted to have this with him, but I still felt a moment’s hesitation like any virgin would.

Sensing it, he lifted his lips.

“Are you sure?” he asked, and I nodded my head. I unzipped my jeans and removed them to show him I would not back out. Once my jeans were off, I reached for the button of his jeans. It took moments for him to remove them.

Down to our underwear he lay me down on my bed and I ran the tip of my tongue across my bottom lip as he surveyed me. His eyes sweeping over every inch of my body that made my skin tingle under his heated gaze.

He covered my body with his and kissed me. My legs wrapped around his body, feeling him against me. The weight of his body pressed mine into the mattress before he shifted to trail his lips made a path down my body with soft kisses. I groaned as I peered down to see him press another light kiss to my skin.

“If you’re not ready, we can wait.” For the second time, he was giving me an opportunity to put a stop to it, but there was no going back for me.

“I want you now.”

I didn’t question why he had a condom in his wallet. All that mattered was that he was going to be my first. With that thought in my mind, we removed the rest of our clothing. Breathing hard, we joined, and I felt a moment of pain. But it didn’t last long.

We were the closest two people could be, and I’d never felt more alive. He kissed me and I allowed him to show me how good it could feel.

I would never forget how he loved every inch of me, and when I finally came, I felt it was over me with an intensity I’d never experienced before. Afterward he kissed my forehead, and I gave him a lazy, sated smile.

“I didn’t think it was possible, but I think I love you more,” he said, and I felt the words tug at my heart.

I didn’t want him to love me more. That hadn’t been the plan. I felt a pang of guilt when he got up and disappeared into my bathroom for a few minutes. Looking up to the ceiling, I tried to remind myself I was doing the right thing, even if it hurt.

At the thought of him, he reappeared in my room and walked over to the bed. He was gorgeous and my eyes raked over him appreciatively before he got into the bed with me. He reached for me and I lay my head on his chest as he held.

For a little while, I pushed all thoughts from my mind and just enjoyed a peaceful moment with the boy I loved.