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WTHC-Chapter14

Lacey

My next stop after visiting with Reece was the restaurant to quit my job. When I told David that I was quitting and why, he was very understanding about everything. When Jax caught me on the way out, I wasn’t comfortable telling him about my diagnosis, so I told him I had quit to go to college full time. It was a white lie, but at least I wouldn’t have to endure anymore sympathy or awkward moments where people didn’t know what to say. He gave me a quick embrace and wished me the best.

I was at home with Adonis when Aiden came by. I’d called him earlier to invite him over after he completed his classes for the day. My meet up with Reece had been emotional, and I wasn’t looking forward to breaking the news to Aiden.

Aiden smiled at me when I opened the door, and he hugged me. I felt the touch of a hand on my back and pulled away to notice Adonis standing just behind me. His attention was on Aiden, who looked a little surprised to see him.

Adonis nodded to him and wrapped a possessive arm around my waist. It was like he was staking his claim on me. I couldn’t believe he needed to do that when he knew how I felt about him. Besides, he knew there was nothing going on between Aiden and I. He was just a good friend, nothing more.

I pulled away from Adonis. “I need to talk to him alone.”

He didn’t look happy with my request, but after a few moments he gave Aiden a look before he kissed me on the lips.

“I’ll be in the kitchen.” He left me alone with my friend, who was looking a little confused.

“I’m surprised he didn’t pee on you,” Aiden remarked dryly as I led the way into the living room. I stifled a giggle because Adonis was trying to send a message to him: I was his.

“How did you guys finally get together?” he asked when I sat down on the sofa and sat down beside him.

First, I would have to tell him about my tumor before I could tell him how that had finally pushed Adonis to reveal how he really felt about me.

“Remember, I went to see your doctor,” I tried not to fidget. I hated having to tell anyone about my illness, but he deserved to know. He frowned as he nodded his head, I could already see the gears in his mind turning.

“He referred me to a specialist.” I twisted my hands in my lap.

“I thought it was just a checkup.” He frowned. “Why did he refer you to a specialist?”

I let out a deep breath. It was time for the truth.

“I lied,” I said, feeling bad for deceiving him. “The migraines were getting worse, and I’d experienced other symptoms I needed to get checked out.”

“Why didn’t you just go to your own doctor?” he asked. I still wasn’t making sense.

“I didn’t want to worry anyone until I knew if there was anything to worry about.”

“Did you see the specialist?” His expression changed from confusion to concern.

“Yes,” I said. “He ran some tests, and he found what has been causing my headaches and the other side effects.”

I paused for a moment.

“He found a brain tumor,” I said. His eyes wide with his mouth open slightly like I’d punched in him in the gut.

“A brain tumor,” he repeated, not sure if he’d heard me correctly. I nodded.

He stood up and paced up and down. He raked his fingers through his hair. I watched him process my news.

Then he stopped to face me. “How serious is it?”

“Pretty serious,” I said. He sank down beside me. He looked like I’d pulled the rug from underneath his feet.

“Can they take it out?” He reached for my one of my hands and taking it in his.

“Yes, but it has risks.” My head was throbbing, which I knew it was going to develop into a migraine.

He asked me more questions, and I answered them as best I could with what little information I’d received from the doctor. After telling him my odds for surviving, he pulled me into a big bear hug. I was feeling emotional, but I didn’t cry, maybe because I’d cried so much already that I had no more tears left.

“It’s scary, but it’ll all be okay,” he said as he released me.

I just nodded. He was saying it not because he believed it. He was saying it so he could convince himself that I was going to survive it.

“So how did you and Gray happen?”

“He found out about my tumor and he told me how he felt about me. Nothing like knocking on death’s door to speed things up,” I shrugged my shoulders. I couldn’t shake the doubt in the back of my mind that if I hadn’t been sick, I wouldn’t be with him now.

“I’m glad it’s allow worked out for you,” he said, seeming to be genuinely happy that things had worked out with Adonis.

“Me too,” I said. I didn’t know how I would have coped without him.

“So how are you handling everything?”

I shrugged. How did I admit I wasn’t handling it well at all? “Okay, I guess.”

“I wished you’d been able to be honest with me,” he said, and I felt a little guilty for not being honest with him.

“I’m sorry.” There was no going back.

“When will you be seeing the specialist again?” he asked.

“Tomorrow,” I said.

A sound in the doorway pulled my gaze to see Adonis. It surprised me he’d left me alone with Aiden for as long as he had. A smile touched my lips as I stood up and walked over to him. Just the sight of me was enough to warm me inside.

“I couldn’t stand it anymore,” he whispered, but I didn’t mind. Even though there was no reason for him to feel jealous, I liked he felt jealous over me spending time with Aiden.

My fingers touched my forehead gently.

His concerned gaze took in the small action. “You’re getting a headache.” He brushed my cheek with his thumb. I nodded.

“I need to get going anyway,” Aiden said, and I turned to face him.

“Thank you for coming over,” I said.

“You’re welcome.” He ignoring my boyfriend who stood behind me. He hugged me and pressed a gentle kiss to my cheek.

“Just keep me updated and if you need anything, let me know.” And then he left.

I closed the door and leaned against it, feeling tired. Adonis came up to me and led me to the kitchen. “Where is your migraine medication?”

I pointed to the cupboard. He got out the bottle.

“How many do you need to take?”

“Two,” I answered.

He gave me the tablets with half a glass of water and I swallowed them down.

“Come on,” he said as he took me by the hand and led me up to my room. I lay down on my bed while he closed the curtains, darkening my room.

“Do you want me to go?” he asked as he stopped beside my bed.

I shook my head. He kicked his shoes off and lay beside me on the bed.

“I’m might not be the best company,” I said. The medication would help me sleep through my migraine.

“I don’t mind. As long as I get to be with you, I don’t care.”

His words made my heart inflate. We lay facing each other, and I leaned forward to kiss him. He kissed me back gently. I smiled at him as took my hands in his.

“You’re going to stop getting jealous over my friendship with Aiden. He’s an important person in my life and I don’t want things to be uncomfortable when he is around.”

“I’m sorry. It’s just I can’t help it.” I had led him to believe that Aiden had meant more than he did. In part, I was responsible for this.

“You don’t have to be jealous. I only want you, no one else.” I declared to him, meaning every single word.

“You’re all I ever wanted,” he whispered. My heart swelled at his words and I felt so content in that moment.

For so long I had yearned for him, and here he was with mine. He was mine now.

Any doubts and reservations I harbored, I pushed away, not wanting to spoil the moment. I didn’t want to think about the fact that it had taken me to be in a life and death situation for him to come clean about his feelings. 

Ignoring the little voice in my mind, I held his hands as I drifted off to sleep.

**********

It was dark when I opened my eyes. My head still hurt a little. I was alone. The space beside me was empty. I sat up and scanned around the room. My bedroom door was slightly ajar where the light from the passageway streamed through. I could hear Adonis talking to someone. “I just can’t.”

Slowly, I moved off the bed and crept closer. I hated the idea of eavesdropping on him, but the curiosity won and I leaned closer. Through the door, I peered. His back was to me and he was speaking into his phone.

“Reschedule it.” It wasn’t very often I heard him used that determined tone. Whoever he was talking to didn’t seem to realize that he would not back down.

“I can’t. I’ve got personal stuff going on,” he said, and I leaned closer. Was I his personal stuff? I held my breath as I continued to listen.

He let out a sigh and ran an agitated hand through his hair. It was the first glimpse I got of the toll my illness was taking on him. I was all I’d been thinking about. It had all been about how I was handling it and what I needed. My eyes stayed on Adonis. Not once did I consider what this was doing to him.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” he snapped and then he sighed again. There was visible tension in his shoulders.

“Look, I need time off. I have stuff going on and it’s going to take longer than a few days.”

Was he canceling gig with the band because he didn’t want to leave me? He’d worked hard to get where he was, and this was what he’d been born to do. I couldn’t imagine him doing anything else.

“Don’t push me,” he said to the caller, and I stepped back from my door as I’d heard enough.

I went back to my bed and sat down. I didn’t want him to give up what he lived to do because he didn’t want to leave my side. It wasn’t like I couldn’t cope with him beside me for a few hours. Did he not want to leave my side because it scared him this would be all the time we would have together?

What would happen if he blew off more appearances? I wouldn’t allow him to jeopardize his career for me.

I lay back down in my bed, not wanting him to know I had overheard him. After a few more minutes, Adonis returned quietly, so he didn’t wake me. I kept my eyes closed as he lay on my bed beside me. The soft touch of his fingers against my forehead soothed me, and I felt the gentle touch of his lips against my forehead.

“I love you,” he whispered as he took my hands in his.

My heart stuttered. He loved me. I knew he cared about me, but I didn’t think he would feel so deeply already. Hearing him say those three brief words made me feel like I had everything I had ever wanted, but for how long?

What if I didn’t survive the surgery and now was all we had? It wasn’t fair. I kept my eyes closed, and I felt the warmth of his hands enclose mine.

Sadness seeped into me moment by moment. He was my rock that had kept me going and pulled me through the difficult moments. I couldn’t comprehend trying to handle this without him. Did that make me selfish?

What impact would this have on him? He was already blowing off stuff for me. One or two appearances he would probably get away with, but what if he blew off too many? It would impact on his future.

I wanted to live. I wanted to survive the surgery. But I had to consider I might not. If I died in surgery or if I survived but could not be a fully functional person, what would that do to him?

I imagined how I would feel if I was in his shoes. How would I feel if he was the one who was sick and needed surgery? It would be hard and heartbreaking not to be able to do anything for him while I watched him suffer.

Being together had felt so right, but what if it wasn’t the right thing for him? He would grow closer to me, and it would be more devastating for him if I didn’t make it.

The heaviness in my chest reminded me that loving someone didn’t just entail happiness and smiles. It included sacrifice. It was about putting someone else’s well being above your own, even if it meant hurting them to do what was best for them.

Steady breathing beside me showed Adonis was sleeping, and I slowly opened my eyes. I swallowed the emotion as I took in his features. My eyes caressed every precious feature. A tear slid down my face as I gently pulled one of my hands free and softly brushed my fingertips against his cheek. I loved him. I’d felt this way for the last five years, and I would love him for every breathing moment I still had. And beyond.

It wasn’t fair what I was doing to him. My only consolation was if I stopped it now, it would somehow hurt him less. I didn’t even want to consider how much it was going to hurt to push him away, but I had to do the right thing.

The choice went against everything my heart craved, and I wept quietly. 

Tomorrow was the appointment with the specialist and I would need to tell them my decision. I still had so many questions I needed to ask the specialist.

Adonis would want to be there for the appointment. I couldn’t be cruel enough to stop him, so I would wait till after the appointment to set him free. It physically hurt to think of what I had to do. I questioned my choice repeatedly, but I hoped I was doing the right thing. I loved him and I didn’t want to hurt him.

That night I didn’t sleep well. I spent most of my time wide-awake watching Adonis sleep beside me. When light filtered through the curtains, I slid out of the bed as gently as I could and went downstairs.

There was activity in the kitchen. My family was having breakfast. My parents were sitting next to each other, their half eaten breakfast pushed to the side. They were just staring at each other. My brother was studying his cup of coffee. Before we got my diagnosis, our household was carefree and filled with laughter. Now it wasn’t.

My illness had sucked the joy out of my life and all that remained was an anxious sadness of what was to come. It didn’t just affect me; it affected everyone who loved me.

When my mom noticed me in the doorway, she gave me a warm smile, but I could see the worry etched in her features. My brother was sitting at the kitchen table.

“Hi baby.” She walked to me.

“Mom,” I said. She hugged me and I breathed her in, trying to take comfort in her arms. Moms make us feel better when we needed it. She noticed I’d held on a little tighter than usual. She pulled away from me slightly, looking at me with a frown.

“What’s wrong, baby?” she asked. I smiled to cover up the sadness inside..

“Nothing,” I answered, trying to hide my inner turmoil. My family couldn’t get the same reprieve I could give Adonis. I wouldn’t be able to lessen their burden.

“Are you hungry?” she asked. I wasn’t hungry, but I nodded.

I sat beside my brother and watched my mom making me some breakfast.

“Gray still sleeping?” my brother asked and nodded my head. “Link called me this morning. Gray is blowing off a big gig and they do not know why. All he told him was that he had personal stuff going on.”

So that’s who he’d been talking to last night.

“You okay for them to know about your tumor?” he asked.

“Sure,” I knew them well. It wasn’t like I was shouting my illness from the rooftops. Besides, once I pushed Adonis from my life, he would need his band members who were practically a second family to him.

My brother threw an arm around me and pulled me to him. It was so unlike him to be so affectionate, but I understood. “You’re going to be fine.” Then he released me. I was sure if he was talking. Was he saying those words for himself?

I bit my lip, trying to keep myself from getting emotional. I wanted to believe him, but I didn’t.

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