Lacey

Deliriously happy was a correct description of how I felt as we drove back to my house. Thoughts of being sick and what that meant no longer played in my mind on repeat. I was a nervous about telling my family about us, but Adonis wasn’t.

“Don’t be afraid. I’m pretty certain they’ll be happy for us.” He covered my hands with his.

I did not know how my family was going to react. My family adored him, but I wasn’t confident how they would feel about the two of us together. I glanced to Adonis, and he smiled at me. My stomach flipped, which made me return his infectious smile.

“I like to see you happy,” he said. His eyes studied me for a moment before he looked back to the road.

“You make me happy,” I said. Just being with around him lightened my heart.

“Good.” He squeezed my hands under his.

It just seemed too good to be true, but no matter how many times I pinched myself I didn’t wake up, this was real. It was late morning by the time he parked in the driveway of my house. He switched off the car and faced me.

“Come on.” He opened his door.

I wanted to spend more time just the two of us, but after hearing my diagnosis, my family would need me.

I opened the door and got out. Adonis waited beside me. He reached his hand out for mine in a possessive clasp that did weird things to my insides.

The gloomy thoughts crept back in as we got to the front door. There was no hiding from it. I was sick, very sick. There was no forgetting it. I shook my head while squeezing his hand tightly, feeling uneasy. He stopped and looked down at me.

“We don’t have to do this if you don’t want to,” he whispered. “I don’t want to rush you into something you’re not ready to do.”

“I’m ready,” I said, trying to disguise my nervousness.

“Are you sure?” His eyes held mine.

I nodded my head, and he smiled. The flash of his dimples was enough for my knees to weaken.

I’d never really thought of what my family’s reaction would be if we’d ever got together, perhaps it was because I never believed it would happen.

He opened the door and led me inside. Voices were coming from the kitchen. I followed him into the kitchen.

“Hi baby,” my mom said. I smiled at her. She was trying so hard to be her normal self, but I could see the emotion blended with the fear in her eyes. I wanted to hug her and tell her everything would be all right, even if I didn’t know it for a fact.

“Hi.” The knots in my stomach tightened.

My mom was the first to see our connected hands. She gave us a questioning glance, and I smiled sheepishly before meeting Adonis’ intense gaze that left our audience with no doubt how he felt about me. When I looked back to my mother for her reaction, she beamed at us. My father smiled as well.

“It’s about time.” My brother stood and came over to shake his friend’s hand. He even leaned over and gave me a brief hug. About time? Had he known how his friend had felt? “But as the brother, I still have to give you the ‘Break her heart and I’ll break your legs’ warning.” He winked.

“I expected nothing less.” Adonis nodded.

I gave Adonis a questioning look.

“Yeah, he knew.” I felt like I’d been nervous for nothing.

“This is amazing!” My mom hugged both of us. To them he was the nice and trustworthy boy that had been a part of our family for years, not the bad boy rocker the rest of the world saw.

Even my dad shook his hand before he hugged me. “I’m pleased for you. You deserve to be happy.”

“Thanks.” I couldn’t help thinking about the tumor and how much time I still had.

As if sensing my abrupt change in my mood, Adonis squeezed my hand, and I looked to him. There was no mistaking what I was thinking about.

“It’ll be okay,” he said, and I nodded my head. I wanted to believe his words, but the reality was no one knew what was going to happen.

My mom made us breakfast, and we sat down beside my brother. The pleasant atmosphere couldn’t get rid of the underlying worry that we were all busy trying to hide.

“When is do we see the specialist?” my mom asked.

“At two,” he said.

I looked down at my watch. I had two-and-a-half hours still to go. A knot of nervousness settled into my stomach and when my mom offered me some scrambled eggs, I shook my head.

The next two hours dragged, but it was time to get in the car and drive to the specialist.

Bringing my entire family to the appointment seemed much. Adonis said he would take me, and it was a given that the other person to go with would be my mom. It was strange that I was eighteen years old and enough to make my decision, but at that moment I wanted nothing more than to have my mom with me.

Adonis drove us while I sat in the passenger side. My mom sat in the backseat. Some traffic made us a few minutes late for the appointment, and it only added to the stress that had been steadily building.

“He’ll wait.” Adonis parked the car outside the building. I tried to calm my nerves as I got out the car and looked up the glass building in front of me.

I can do this, I kept repeating in my head. Even when I had to fight the urge to put my head in the sand. And pretend it wasn’t happening.

Adonis opened the back door and helped my mom out as I clasped my hands together. I’d already gotten terrible news, so I wasn’t sure why I was stressing so much. It couldn’t get worse, could it?

This time he didn’t take my hand into his as he led us into the building. No one other than our family knew we were dating, so we could keep it a secret. I had so much going on; I didn’t want the press to find out about us yet.

A short lift ride and we were on the fourth floor.

I sat down with my mom in reception while Adonis spoke to the receptionist. The girl was our age. One smile from Adonis and she was star struck. It still surprised me to see girls act that way around him. Even knowing how he felt about me, I couldn’t help feeling a little annoyed when she seemed to hang onto every word he said. She even leaned forward to display her cleavage, and I tightened my hands into fists so I didn’t go over to her and tell her he was mine.

The receptionist ushered us into our appointment with the specialist.

“Mr. Grayson.” The specialist he extended a hand to Adonis, and he shook it.

“Mr. Clark.” Adonis introduced him to me. “This is Lacey Harper.”

“Hi Miss Harper.” Dr Clark shook my hand. Adonis introduced my mom, and I took a moment to look the doctor over. He was much older than the specialist I’d seen before. Did that make him more experienced? I hoped so.

Once the introductions were over, we sat, and the specialist took a seat behind an enormous oak desk. He opened a few files and saw him shift through some pages. It was probably my files from the other specialist, so he wouldn’t have to repeat the same test.

I watched the doctor’s face for any sign of bad news, but this guy had the best poker face. I had no clue what he was thinking as he went through my file.

When his eyes lifted to mine, it was bad. Adonis must have seen the same thing because he reached out and held my hand as we waited for the specialist to give us his verdict.

His eyes met with Adonis before they rested back on me.

“From what I can determine, it doesn’t seem to be malignant.”

He looked down at my file and studied a sheet of paper. I felt a moment of relief. He didn’t think it was cancerous. Adonis squeezed my hand as I glanced in his direction, and he gave me an encouraging smile.

“But,” he said as my eyes moved back to him.

And there it was, the ‘but’. I held my breath. My heart raced.

“There is no way to treat it. We must remove it with surgery,” he said, and I just kept staring at him as his words sunk in. Surgery. That meant they would have to cut my head open.

My free hand touched my forehead. It wasn’t like this scenario had never crossed my mind; it had. I just didn’t think that it would happen. I’d expected them to put me on some medication to shrink it.

Adonis gripped my hand firmly, and I peered at him, but he wasn’t looking at me. His eyes fixed on the doctor.

“Shouldn’t surgery be the last resort?”

“It is.” Dr. Clark turned his attention to me. “The tumor is growing at a rate that it will keep putting pressure on your brain, the symptoms you’ve been experiencing will get worse. Your only option is to remove it.”

Only option. Echoed in my mind. I didn’t have a choice. If I wanted to live, I would have to go through with the surgery.

“The surgery will be risky,” he added. My eyes widened in alarm.

“What is the success rate?” Adonis sounded nervous for the first time, which only intensified my worry. I wasn’t sure I wanted to know what the odds were. Dr. Clark hesitated for a moment before he answered.

“Thirty percent,” he said.

Only thirty percent I wanted to yell, but I kept silent. I had lower odds than a toss of a coin.

“What are the risks?” My mom spoke for the first time.

“With any surgery, this is always a risk. The second biggest risk for this surgery is brain damage.”

My mind fixed on his words. Brain damage.

I stopped listening after that. All I could think about was what he’d just said. I could survive the risky surgery and I still wouldn’t be the same. I might wake up and not be able to function as a person. At that moment I wasn’t sure which risk scared me more, death or living but being unable to do anything for myself. Possibly being a prisoner in my body.

It was too much to process all at once. My mom and Adonis’ voices surrounded me, but I couldn’t focus on what they were saying. I needed to get out. In the middle of the conversation, I stood. I couldn’t cope with anymore and it scared me that there would be more that I didn’t want to hear.

The conversation ceased, and Adonis rose. He looked at me with concern. But I just shook my head at him, unable to explain the panic that held me tight in its grip.

“I can’t,” I mumbled before I turned and fled from the office. I didn’t care that I’d left my appointment halfway through it, all that mattered at that point was getting away. The receptionist watched as I dashed through the waiting room.

It made no logical sense. Running away solved nothing. The tumor was still inside my head and I would still need the surgery. I couldn’t stop myself. I made it into the empty lift, stabbing the buttons to get away as fast as possible. Adonis stepped into the lift just before the doors closed.

“Harp,” he said, and I swallowed the emotion that threatened to overwhelm me.

I shook my head.

“It’s okay,” He moved closer, trying to comfort me, but I just shook my head again and backed away. No. No, it wasn’t okay.

I needed to get away. No words were going to calm the tidal wave of emotion building up inside of me. I couldn’t think about the only option that I had.

What if I didn’t survive the surgery? I couldn’t think about what impact that would have on the people I loved.

I couldn’t think about the fact that even if I survived did, I wouldn’t be able to function and I would need someone to care for me. It scared me.

Adonis lifted my chin with his finger so my eyes looked into his.

“You’ll be fine,” he said. He sounded so sure that I wanted to believe him, but the reality was he couldn’t know that. No one could, not even the specialist.

The lift opened pulled our attention back to the present. I hurried out and stepped out the building to find a few excited girls who noticed Adonis exit the building behind me. They rushed to him asking for autographs, and I sidestepped them and continued to the car. I yanked open the passenger door and got in to watch Adonis work his way through the growing crowd.

“I’m just going to get your mom,” he said. He waited for a response, and all I could muster was a slight nod. I felt bad for storming out of the office.

The growing crowd gathered around the car, but I turned my head away from the window. Adonis smiled at them as he made his way back into the building to get my mom. The crowd grew as more fans waited to glimpse Adonis.

Inside the car with darkened windows, I felt so alone. I didn’t want to break down, but I couldn’t stop the few tears that slid down my face and I brushed them away. I needed to pull myself together.

Ten minutes later my tears dried up, and I was trying not to let my emotions smother me. The crowd squealed as Adonis exited with my mom.

It felt so strange watching this side of him. He stopped and signed some autographs as he made his way through the crowd. I didn’t know how he could handle it all so well. He didn’t look annoyed, and he interacted with his fans, even standing and allowing some of them to take their pictures with him. This was his life.

After a few more minutes of interacting with his fans, he opened the backdoor of his car for my mom and I turned to face her. Her sympathetic gaze tore me apart, and it took all I had not to bawl like a baby. Being that emotional would only make things worse. I didn’t want her to see me fall apart because it would only upset her more and I didn’t want that.

“It’ll be okay,” my mom whispered hoarsely as she reached for my hand and gave it a squeeze. I nodded at her, unable to speak without allowing my fear to overwhelm me.

Moments later Adonis was in the driver’s seat, navigating his way out of the parking space through the crowd of fans.

The car ride back to my house was quiet. Everyone seemed to be subdued with their own thoughts. Halfway through the drive, Adonis reached over and intertwined his fingers with mine. I looked down to our joined hands; I didn’t feel so alone anymore and I let out a soft sigh, trying to cope with my whirlwind of emotions trying to break free from me.

When I was alone and when I didn’t need to be strong, I would allow myself to deal with the emotions I was barely keeping at bay. I bit down on my nail as I looked out of the window, trying to sort through my thoughts but the only thing that kept repeating through my mind.

Surgery. Brain damage. Death.

When we pulled into my driveway, I felt anxious. I didn’t want to get out and Adonis seemed to understand that because he made no move to get out of the car.

“I’ll be inside,” my mom said softly, and she got out of the door. She let herself into the house.

She could tell my dad and Alex, and I wouldn’t have to watch their reaction or relive my fear again. I didn’t want to hear the words out aloud again. Looking at Adonis, I felt a lump in my throat and he reached for me and put his arms around me, hugging me close as my tears spilled over.