Lacey


The next morning I lay in bed staring at the wall in front of me. It was strange how different I looked at things differently since I’d discovered I was sick. Small things that I’d taken for granted before weren’t anymore.

I took a deep breath and released it, trying to keep a handle on the emotions swirling around inside.

The fear I wouldn’t survive hit like a brick wall, and I struggled to breathe as the panic took over.

Overwhelmed as I sat up, I tried to gasp air in and out. I tried to push all thoughts of my sickness from my mind, but I couldn’t stop thinking of what little time I might still have left if this brain tumor was cancerous or they couldn’t remove it.

I was just starting out in life; I had so much more to do and I wasn’t ready to die yet. There hadn’t even been time for be to be with someone. My love for Adonis had made it impossible to even consider someone else.

I took a deep breath and released it as my panic eased. Marriage was something I’d always wanted and children. Another deep breath and I released it. It had never, ever crossed my mind that I would not live long enough to do all the things I wanted to.

With a shake of my head, I tried to stop thinking about all the things I could miss; I needed to hold to the hope that I would make it through. The only way to handle this was to think positive. If I just gave in, then I was as good as dead.

I got out of bed and had a shower. Trying not to think about the tumor and my appointment with the specialist was impossible.

The top specialist might do something that the other specialist hadn’t had the experience to do. Maybe, just maybe, it wouldn’t be as bad as the initial specialist had diagnosed. I felt more hopeful as I dried off and got changed. I had to keep optimistic.

The house was quiet. It was late morning and everyone would usually be up by now, but they’d been up late trying to deal with my diagnosis. Alone in the kitchen, I made some coffee and leaned against the counter as I took my first sip.

It was silence, but something made me look to the kitchen doorway where Adonis stood watching me pensively. I felt my heart tug at the sight of him. Maybe it was because I might not have a lot of time left I allowed myself to feel the love that I’d been trying to suppress for so long.

Now keeping him at bay or playing games seemed such a waste of time. I gave him a tentative smile, trying to mask the chaos going on inside of me. I still loved him. The way he’d been around me last night had helped me tell my parents.

“How are you feeling?” He stepped into the kitchen, walking to me. He looked like he hadn’t slept all night and I felt guilty knowing I was the reason. His hand raked through his bed messed hair.

“Okay, I guess,” I said. I couldn’t be fine because I wasn’t. “Do you want coffee?”

He nodded his head as he stopped beside me. I made him his drink while a heavy and somber silence enclosed us.

Once I’d made the hot drink, I gave it to him and leaned against the counter, intent on finishing my coffee.

“Thank you.” I end the silence. I put my cup down on the counter.

“For what?” He studied me.

“For getting me the appointment with the specialist,” I said, holding his gaze. I knew it hadn’t been easy.

“You’re welcome.” He set his cup down. He took a step closer and took my hand in both of his. Being so close and having him touch me made me feel all giddy inside. He held my hands in his gently, like he might break me as his eyes fixed on our connected hands.

“Will you come with me somewhere?” he asked, “I want talk to you alone.”

There was a flutter of awareness in my stomach at the thought of being alone with him. I swallowed, trying to hide my nervousness as I nodded my head.

There were no questions from me about what he wanted to talk to me about. He found a writing pad and a pen and wrote a brief message for my family, which he stuck to the fridge with a magnet.

Feeling curious and nervous, I followed him out of my house and to his car. We got in and he started it up. He was quiet and seemed lost in his thoughts as we drove. It wasn’t long before he pulled up by the lake.

I smiled at all the childhood memories the lake held for me. We’d spent a lot of our childhood here swimming here. Pulling myself from some of our history, I turned to face him as he switched off the car.

There was a few moment’s silence before he turned to face me. I know finding out I was sick and I might die had hit him and my family hard.

“Harp.” His eyes held mine. The sound of his voice sent a shiver of nervousness run through me.

“What...do you want to talk about?” I asked, trying to keep my heart from racing.

Suddenly, in the confined space of his car with his deep gaze, I felt vulnerable. I tucked a stray piece of hair behind my ear and tried to stop myself from fidgeting.

“Where is the necklace I gave you?” he asked, and my fingers went to my neck that was bare. How could I tell him the truth? I’d taken it off and hidden it away because it was a reminder of him and what I couldn’t have. It tempted me to tell him I’d lost it, but something stopped me.

“It’s in my jewelry box,” I admitted.

“Don’t you like it?” he asked, staring at me with his baby blue eyes that made me go weak inside.

“I do, I’m just scared I’ll lose it.” I let the little white lie roll off my tongue.

“Please wear it.” His one hand reach for mine and I felt the warmth of his hand enclose around mine.

I nodded my head, unable to talk without stuttering like an idiot.

“Do you know why I brought you here?” he asked as his eyes left mine to look in the lake’s direction. It was beautiful with a beautiful shimmer as the sun shone off the surface of the water. It was peaceful, and it felt like we were the only people there, although I could see a couple of other cars around.

“No.”

I dropped my gaze to his hand that still held mine. It was such a slight gesture that meant so much more to me.

This had always been my problem with him. I’d taken all his slight gestures and put them together, which had made me believe he felt more for me. I shook my mind, trying to make myself stop daydreaming about things that would never happen.

I pulled my hand out of his as his gaze came back to me. He frowned.

“You remember the one summer we all came down to swim and Tommy and his friends were teasing you,” he said, studying me closely.

I nodded my head.

“Do you remember when I hit Tommy for teasing you?” he asked as he watched me.

I nodded again. Tommy had been horrible. He’d been teasing me about something and his friends had egged him on.

“You remember what I did to him?” he asked, and I nodded my head.

Adonis had hit him. From that day onwards, Tommy never even looked in my direction again. My crush had been in full force by then, and that had just made me secretly love him more.

“That was the moment I realized you meant more to me. You weren’t just my best friend’s little sister anymore.”

It took a moment for his words to sink in, and my eyes searched his, seeking confirmation for what he was saying. He smiled as his eyes softened.

“I didn’t like it when other guys were interested in you,” he revealed. It seemed so ludicrous to think that he’d felt the same way I did.

“You like me?” I asked breathlessly, still not quite believing what he was trying to say.

He nodded, and a smirk tugged at his lips. “I do.”

That blew my mind. The moment I realized what he was saying, I felt my heart thump in my chest as he watched me for a reaction.

“Say something,” he prompted, and I shook my head to bring myself back down to earth.

He looked at me nervously, which was so unlike him. If he liked me, why had he never told me before? Why had he kissed some other girl and taken another girl’s number? It made no sense. He’d kissed me, and then he had regretted it.

“I don’t understand,” I said, finding my words.

“What don’t you understand.”

“Why did you never tell me?” I asked, my eyes searching his features for the answer. Once the questions started coming, I couldn’t stop. “You kissed another girl. Why would you do that if you liked me?”

“Being a part of my life puts you in the spotlight with the entire world watching,” he explained. “It was the reason I never took things further with you. If the public find about you, the press are going to hound you. Wherever you go they’ll follow, you will end up in every gossip magazine. Your privacy will non-existent. You won’t be able to go to the shop without being recognized.”

It had never been something I’d ever thought about. Maybe it had never crossed my mind because when he was home the press left him alone but he was right, if news came out he was dating someone they would be all over it.

For the first time, I understood his reasoning.

“I wanted you to have a normal life,” he said. “With me, your life would never be normal. I tried to move on and to find someone else but no one compared to you.”

I swallowed.

“Then why did you kiss me?” I asked, remembering the beautiful moment between us before he’d pulled away.

“Sometimes I’m strong enough to resist you, but sometimes I’m not.” He shrugged. “Seeing you with Aiden just made it worse.”

I nodded. “As hard as it was to see you with other girls.”

For the first time, I admitted to him how difficult it had been to watch girls throw themselves at him. It had broken my heart.

“I’m sorry. I never meant to hurt you.” He stared at me with his expressive eyes that made me feel like I was the most important person.

“What changed your mind?”

He took my hands in his. He dropped his eyes to our connect hands and held my hand tighter in his.

“However this plays out, you’re going to need the people who care about you to help you through it. I care about you too much to stand back and watch from the sidelines. Before my reasons for staying away from you were more important. Now they aren’t,” he admitted softly. He lifted his eyes to mine. “The selfish part of me wants you irrespective of every consequence.”

I swallowed as I took in his beautiful words. It scared him to lose me because I was sick.

“If I hadn’t been sick, then you would still push me away,” I said. It wasn’t a question, it was a statement. I’m not sure how I felt about that.

“Finding out that you’re sick has just given me the push that I needed to tell you how I feel,” he admitted. “Even if this hadn’t happened, it was just a matter of time before I gave into my feelings for you.”

I held his gaze. For the first time, I could see how he felt about me. It was in his eyes, like Reece had kept telling me.

“It has been torture watching you with Aiden. I wanted to do what was best for you, but I don’t think I could have watched you get serious with someone else. Why do you think I’ve had no real girlfriends?”

I shrugged. I’d always thought it was because he was too busy playing the field to settle down with one girl.

“I couldn’t get serious with anyone who wasn’t you.”

It was so much to take in all at once, but I knew what I wanted even if it changed my life forever. He was worth it. Even though I felt deliriously happy, I couldn’t ignore the little voice inside my head that said he was only doing all of this because I could die.

“So what do you want from me?” I needed him to reveal to me what all of this meant to him. I wasn’t sure I could do casual.

“I want everything.” He leaned closer, but then he stopped. “What do you want?” he asked. He looked nervous and unsure of himself as his eyes searched mine for the answer. I liked I could affect him like that because he always seemed to have it together.

“I want you,” I admitted. Instead of feeling nervous, I felt empowered. I knew what I wanted, and it was him.

A smile spread across his face, and he leaned closer.

“So you’re willing to let your life change to be with me?” he said.

We gazed at each other.

I nodded my head, unable to talk in such proximity to him. His lips were almost touching mine. I wanted him to kiss me.

He leaned closer and his lips touched mine. My hands gripped his shirt and pulled him closer, needing more from him. There would be no more pulling away and no more obstacles. There would just be us. It was still so unreal to even think that. Us.

I felt like I was dreaming. When he’d asked to talk to me, I did not know it would have led us here. He lifted his lips from mine and put his arms around me to hug me close to him. I leaned my head against his chest and inhaled him, feeling calmness settle over me. I was exactly where I wanted to be.

“So what happens now?” I tilted my head up to look straight into his beautiful eyes as they held mine.

“We keep it quiet for as long as we can because when the press finds out there is no going back,” he said and I nodded. He pressed a soft kiss to my forehead, and I hugged him tighter. “We can’t keep it from your family.”

I nodded my head. This wasn’t something I wanted to hide from them.

He seemed to have it all figured out. I pushed the thoughts of my illness being splattered across the world in the media because for the moment I wanted to pretend we were two normal young adults who cared about each other.

His lips touched my forehead in a kiss, and I felt like the luckiest girl in the world.

My illness or what lay ahead didn’t matter in that moment. All that mattered was what we felt for each other. I didn’t want to spoil our moment thinking about what could happen in the next few months; I ignored everything but what was happening in that moment.