I took it easy and drank the blood that was brought to me. I couldn’t wait to feel better. Since I had fallen pregnant it had been a rollercoaster with my health and the the torture I had endured with Talon had weakened me to the point I was still trying to recover from.

I couldn’t allow myself even to hope that Jude would be able to set up a meeting for me to meet the twins. Would it be harder to walk away from them if I did meet them? Up to this point they had no faces, no smell and no touch. I had no memories of them. Would it be impossible to leave if I experienced the things I was missing?

There was no way to know for sure but I couldn’t let it go. I had to at least see them. I needed at least that, even if it made it harder in the long run.

I was conflicted over my feelings for Silas. To hear from Jude that he cared was enough to make me question everything. Maybe it hadn’t all been about the twins, maybe his actions were because I meant something to him.

But the thought of him sharing his life with someone else was impossible to accept, especially when I loved him so much. Probably too much for my own good.

That was the thing. We didn’t get to choose who we fell in love with, we didn’t get to choose the circumstances that it happened. All of that had not been within my control. Nothing in my life had been in my control from the time I had woken up in the cell with no memory of what had happened, scared and afraid.

I had been right to be scared. Look at what I had been through. Perhaps it was their cruelty that allowed them to use and discard others for their own gain. It was maybe the reason they were such a formidable force.

That and their strength.

Even as I sire, I was no match.

I was curious about the new life I would have and what that entailed. I hope that at least there would be no more cruelty at the hands of the vampires.

My thoughts invariably led me back to Silas. I closed my eyes to try and remember every feature, the way his lips moved against mine. I wanted to hold onto that and let everything else go. Including the fact that he would marry and I would be forgotten.

My heart felt so heavy but I was doing the right thing. There was no doubt about it. It would keep Silas and the twins safe, and that was the only thing that mattered to me.

My happiness came second to that. I would do what Jude told me, I would walk away from this life to embrace another. I would ensure I never did anything to blow it.

I tried not to dwell on the existence of the wife who would take the place I had wanted. There was no point in thinking about something that would never happen.

Even if he wasn’t engaged to another vampire, I knew it would never be something that would happen for me. Even if things had been different. Even if my life wasn’t hanging in the balance because of Thane’s actions.

Vampires simply didn’t marry or fall in love with Sires. It wasn’t allowed.

I would never be good enough, no matter what I did.

So did it really matter if Silas had cared for me because of me or because of the children I had carried for him? The answer was, it didn’t.

There was no point in wasting time on something that would never happen. I let out a heavy sigh, trying to make myself stop thinking about him but no logic could stop his image from appearing in my thoughts all the time.

There was a knock at the door and Jude entered.

I felt a flutter of anxiousness at his presence and I tried to gauge his expression to figure out what he was going to tell me.

“I’ve figured out a way for you to meet the twins. It will have to quick. Do you understand?”

I nodded. I would do anything he asked to be able to see them. Anything.

“Later today Silas has to go into the compound. The children will be left with the nanny. I’ve organized to bring you in while one of my men distracts the nanny. No one outside of myself and my two guards can see you. Do you understand?”

His eyes were fierce, and I was left with no doubt of how important this was.

“I understand Jude. I will do exactly what you say.” For some reason I felt jittery with excitement. I couldn’t quite believe I was getting the chance to see my babies. It stirred a whirlwind of emotion in me that was hard to keep confined but I feared June would backtrack if he believed my emotions would get the better of me and make me do something stupid.

Then I noticed he had a cloak in his one hand and he handed it to me. “You need to wear this. You need to hide your face as much as possible. We can’t risk someone seeing you.”

I took the garment and put it on.

“We will stay in the car outside the property until I have confirmation that Silas has left. You have to do everything I say when I say it.”

I nodded. “I understand Jude. I know how important this is.”

“I know this is going to be emotional for you but I need you to keep the bigger picture in mind. If anything goes wrong today we are back to square one. There will never be another chance like this.”

I swallowed my fear and apprehension. “I know.”

The nervousness I felt made my hands shake as I followed Jude to the car. There was one of his men seated in the front with the driver and I tried my best to breathe to keep my emotions in check.

I couldn’t quite believe it was actually going to happen.

“Thank you,” I murmured to Jude.

“We haven’t pulled off yet. Thank me when we have successfully completed this task.” His voice was abrupt.

I knew it was because he was trying to weigh up the whole scenario and handle every risk.

The fact that he was making it happen was all I needed. It was something I would never forget. In a world where everyone was out for themselves, this meant so much more than even I could comprehend.

The drive was made in silence and at times I had to remind myself to breathe. I was so nervous but I dared not show it. I feared that if I gave Jude any reason to be concerned then he would call it off and I couldn’t let that happen. No matter what.

So I shut my emotions down and tried my best to keep myself as calm as I could.

It was only when we slowed down and the car stopped I felt a flutter of excitement.

“Now we wait,” Jude said beside me as he checked his watch. “He should be leaving soon.”

I felt another flutter of something at the thought of Silas but I forced myself to think about the twins and not focus on the fact that there would be no last meeting with Silas. The only memories I would have of him were the ones in our past.

Seven minutes later I could see the gates in the distance start to open. A car passed through them and it turned down the road.

“That’s him,” Jude whispered beside me, like somehow someone could hear us if he spoke in a normal tone.

We waited another three minutes before Jude signaled the driver and the car pulled back into the street and drove to the gates.

I felt shaky and there was no hiding it. The excitement and fear, bundled together was too much to hide.

I took a shaky breath as we passed through the gates. I held the cloak over my face as we passed some guards patrolling the grounds.

We pulled up in front of the front doors.

“Make sure you keep your face hidden,” Jude instructed before he opened the door and got out. He held his hand out for mine.

I held the cloak to hide my face as I allowed him to help me out of the car.