I was hit with so many emotions it was difficult to process them. I felt jealous, hurt and possessiveness over my children that I hadn’t even met yet. It was another reminder of how undervalued I felt.

“Expected?” I questioned, unsure of what this meant.

“Vampires males with children born from Sires are expected to marry so the female vampire so they can care for the children. It’s all about unifying the vampire family unit.”

It sounded horrible and another way of undermining my role. As a Sire I had no rights to the children I had born and they would be raised by another woman.

“You guys really know how to teach us our place,” I muttered under my breath, I was filled with resentment.

“It is our way. It’s to ensure the survival of our ways Avery. It’s been like this for years. If we allowed Sire mothers to raise these children, they would learn your ways and not ours.”

To me it didn’t matter. It was no excuse for how they treated Sires. Slaves who did their bidding, and saved them from extinction.

I didn’t want to hear any of this. I had survived so much, and for what? To be a second class citizen in a world I didn’t even want to be a part of. My feelings for Silas were complicated but he was the one who had given me a hope in a world that had held none for me.

And now it felt like my heart had been ripped out and stomped on.

“Where is Silas?” I asked, even though he had hurt me with his actions. While I had been fighting for my life he had been playing happy families with another woman. It tainted everything we had shared, everything I had believed had been special.

I hated how I still wanted to see him, even after all he had done to me. Including breaking my heart.

Jude seemed to pause for longer than I expected.

“Is he okay?” I asked, feeling nervous.

He shook his head.

“This whole situation has become far complicated Avery.”

I frowned. What on earth did that mean?

“I don’t understand Jude,” I told him, needing answers he seemed reluctant to give me.

“What do you think is going to happen when this whole thing gets out?” he asked, scrutinizing my expression.

“I don’t know Jude.” Maybe it was because I was too weak but I couldn’t think outside of seeing my twins and wanting to see Silas even though he seemed to have moved on fine without me.

Had he even mourned me? Had there even been any time for that before he had slipped a ring on another woman’s finger? I shook my head slightly to shake the thoughts from dominating all else.

“If this gets out you’ll be brought before the council again Avery. And remember what Rowen said would happen the next time you appear in front of them?” He waited for the reality of what he was saying to sink in. “They will look at this like another law that has been broken Avery and there is nothing we can do to stop him.”

I swallowed. How on earth could I be punished for the actions of others? It wasn’t fair.

“You can’t go back Avery. If you do you’ll be executed.”

His words were harsh but true. There was no fairness in this world and I was reminded of that every time I was used as a pawn in their games.

“Does Silas know I’m here?” I asked.

Jude shook his head slowly. “It’s best not to tell him.”

“Surely he should be told I’m still alive even if I’m not able to return.”

“I’m concerned that Silas will not let you go Avery.”

I hated how his words warmed my heart.

“Maybe he can figure out a way to stop the council from punishing me.” I didn’t want to say the word execute. After everything I had endured by the hands of Thane and his sister, it brought back too many memories where I had believed I was going to die.

I didn’t want to be reminded of the time I had spent believing that there was no escape and Thane would get his way.

“There is no way. Trust me Avery, if there was a way I would know it.”

I bit my lip. This wasn’t going the way I had hoped when he had rescued me.

“I can’t leave my children Jude.” But I didn’t want to admit that I didn’t want to leave Silas despite his recent engagement.

“To keep them safe you will have to.” His words were direct and harsh.

It was another thing the vampires were taking from me. My children and any hope that I would be able to see them grow up. My shoulders slumped. Maybe death was the only way out of this, the only way to stop the physical and emotional pain.

“I’m so tired of this Jude. I hate how I don’t have any rights and I’m held responsible for the actions of a couple of lunatics that your people won’t punish.” Even though I was weak I got to my feet and walked over to the window. I couldn’t even look at Jude I was filled with so much animosity at his kind.

“Life isn’t fair Avery. None of this should be happening but it doesn’t change that it is and there is nothing we can do to change it.” I know he was trying to soothe my feelings but there was nothing he could say that could make walking away from my children easy.

I had never met them, never held them but I loved them. It was something I couldn’t explain. I’d made a connection with them when they had lived within me. Every moment of agonizing pain I had endured had been for them and their survival.

And now they were simply being taken away from me.

If Talon hadn’t been hell bent on revenge Silas would have allowed me to stay with my children. I hated how he had never mentioned the vampire mother thing but there was no point in holding onto that now. For my children I would have endured seeing him with another even if it broken my heart each time. I would have do it for them. My love for them outweighed everything and everyone else.

But I had far bigger problems to think about now.

Outside the darkness reminded me of the dark hearts of the vampires whose rules had taken everything I had, leaving an empty shell of the person I had once been.

My human life so far away, it didn’t feel like mine anymore. Even my life as a sire trainee felt like a life time ago.

“I can hide you Avery,” Jude said.

I didn’t even acknowledge what he said. What if I was tired of this whole thing? What was there to live for? I wouldn’t be able to be with my kids. And anything I had believed I had with Silas had only been one sided.

“What’s the point Jude?” I sighed. Was there any point in a life without everything that could make me happy?

Did I really want to live every day yearning for what couldn’t be mine? My children and Silas.

“Why not let the Vampire council take care of me once and for all?” I asked, feeling recklessly fed up.

I turned to face him.

He had a grave expression. “Do you really believe Silas would not do everything to stop that from happening? You are his.”

Like a possession.

My heart inflated. Did I want Silas to fight for me? Would it prove that I meant something to him or was it the fact that I could possibly bear more children?

“Would they really execute a Sire who has born twins? In a time when your kind are fighting against extinction wouldn’t that seem like a very stupid decision? Who knows how many more children I will be able to bear?”

The only man’s children I wanted were Silas’.

“There is something you should know.” His tone made me apprehensive. Whatever he was going to tell me wasn’t good news?

“Tell me,” I told him. After everything I had been through I felt I could handle anything.

“Sire pregnancies are always high risk and there are always complications. Yours was no different, even though you successfully bore twins.”

I frowned as I listened.

“You will not be able to bear another child Avery.”

His revelation shook me.

“But why did Thane believe I could bear his?”

“I don’t believe Talon knew that when she took you. The tests are clear. You will never be able to conceive again Avery.”