I was numb. I had been up all night tossing and turning. All the facts I had learned had been playing on my mind. None of them good.

Eventually I had dragged myself out of bed to shower. I had no idea what time Silas wanted to take me for a blood test at the compound today so I wanted to ensure I was ready.

After I was ready I sat on the edge of the bed trying to pull myself together so I could hold things together before I saw Silas. Honestly, I didn’t want to rehash what we had talked about the night before. All I want to do at this point was find out if I was pregnant or not.

Then I would try to figure out what I was going to do.

But I wouldn’t mention meeting Jason or anything of the things he had warned me about. Silas had confirmed all the information Jason had told me, he had been telling the truth. Right now I wanted to keep him as an option. His card with his contact details, I had hidden in my drawer beside the bed. I didn’t have a phone to call him but I could figure that out at a later stage.

I sat in my room for a while before I left in search of Silas. He was in his study on the phone. I dared not listen in so I went back to the living room and sat down to wait for him to finish.

My heart raced when I heard a door open and the close. Footsteps drew closer, and I had to remind myself to breathe.

“Avery,” Silas said.

I stood. “Silas.”

We felt like strangers, not lovers.

And no matter what I had learned about him, good or bad, didn’t stop my heart from fluttering at the sight of him. That was the only constant thing in my life, was how I felt about him.

“How are you feeling today?” he asked.

It was something he rarely asked me.

“I um…fine,” I mumbled.

He studied me, keeping his distance. “You were very emotional yesterday.”

He believed it was the fertility drugs but it went deeper than that. He just didn’t get it.

“I wasn’t expecting to hear that I would probably die if I got pregnant.” I shot back. Surely he could understand, or was he incapable of empathy. “Nothing like having death hovering around to put me in the best mood.”

Didn’t he get it?

“Does death scare you?” he asked, taking me by surprise.

“It does. I know it shouldn’t. Why would I want live, right?” I held his reserved gaze. “Why would I want to live a life dictated to me, where I have no rights and absolutely no chance of ever being happy. What would be the point, right?”

His eyes narrowed. “You are special Avery. You have the gene that will allow the continuation of my kind.”

I scoffed. “That’s all I’m good for right?” I threw my hands in the air. My emotions so intense I felt like I was suffocating under the fear and frustration.

“I’ll get them to lower your fertility drugs. Your emotions are getting the best of you.” His eyes were cold even with the shimmering warmth of the gold. “This isn’t like you.”

I had never been one for violence but in that moment I was tempted to do some bodily harm to him. To get a hold of myself I turned my back to him and fisted my hands, trying to ride out my anger at his total lack of understanding.

He moved closer but I refused to turn to face him. He was so close I could feel his presence behind me. Closing my eyes, I felt the emotional pain sweep through me. He didn’t care for me the way I cared for him.

His hand touched my shoulder and turned me to face him. I found myself lifting my gaze to meet his, I was still so angry.

“I think it might be best if you don’t say anything more. I don’t think I could take another one of your careless comments Silas.” I was brutally honest. Maybe the fertility drugs were playing havoc with my emotions but was it so unreasonable to want him to care that getting pregnant would put my life in jeopardy.

“This is not a process we take lightly Avery. There is a lot of research, time and money that goes into perfecting this. The fertility drugs you were given have additional ingredients to make the pregnancy safer. With each pregnancy we learn more. It isn’t an exact science and there will always be a risk.”

I searched his eyes for something. Something to tell me there was something to hope for, I just needed a glimmer. We had been the closest two people could be, there had to be something.

“Even human pregnancies have risks.”

I didn’t want to argue with him anymore. He would just throw around statistics and I wasn’t thinking logically. The only thing that mattered was the fear and hurt I was experiencing.

He studied me. “You could already be pregnant.”

It was something that should bring joy, not fear.

“The most important thing is for you to keep calm. Allowing yourself to get upset will only cause you unnecessary stress.”

I frowned. Was he honestly lecturing me? The gal of the man was just too much to handle.

“When are we going for the blood test?” I just wanted to get it done with so I could plan my next move.

“We’re going now.”

I nodded.

He led me out the apartment, down the lift to the parking where he settled me in the passenger side before he got into the car.

I tried to concentrate on anything other than the man beside me or the looming pregnancy.

There was no undoing what had already unfolded, the only control I had was on my future.

I thought about Jason. I wouldn’t be able to escape if I was pregnant but if the test came back negative this might be my only chance to get out.

I found myself studying Silas. If things were different. If I knew there was a possibility he could care for me I would hold on so tight, wild horses couldn’t drag me away. It was the difference between being love and not.

His hands on the steering wheel made me remember what it felt like to have his hands on my body while I writhed in ecstasy. What I had shared with him had been mind blowing, I was changed by it. There was no going back, no forgetting no matter how much I wanted to.

Being back at the compound was like going back in time. It had been hard, but simpler than what I was dealing with now. All I had been required to do was survive and learn to fight.

Now I was trying to navigate a situation where my heart wanted one thing and my mind wanted another.

Silas walked me to medical room where they took blood while he watched. I sat on the bed in a small room while Silas and the doctor spoke outside the room.

I was ready to find out the results and get out of there as quickly as possible.

When Silas returned with the doctor, he announced I would need to stay a little longer for them to run some other tests.

“Why? Is there something wrong?”

“There is nothing wrong. We just want to ensure your blood work is good. It’s simply to check that you are at your optimum health.”

I nodded, feeling nervous. I was young and health, it wasn’t like I was expecting them to come back with anything serious.

“Okay. How long do I have to stay?”

“A couple of hours.”

It was the last thing I wanted but I couldn’t argue. I had no choice really.

“I’ll be back to fetch you when they’re done,” Silas said.

I nodded. I was glad to have some space from him.

Once Silas left, it was only the doctor and I.

“How long does it take to get the blood results for the pregnancy?” My nervousness made my voice shake and I tried to smile to cover it up.

“Your results are already in.”

“Really?” I asked. Then I took a breath.

“You are not pregnant.”

I was relieved for just a moment before it was replaced with disappointment. What was wrong with me?