I was torn between what I wanted and aftermath of hurt I had to deal with. Sex with Silas was mind blowing but every night after he left I would feel dejected and used. It was a reminder that he had no emotional connection to me, for him it was just a physical act to produce a child.

I kept telling myself that I should resist him but it wasn’t the fear of what would happen to my family that kept me compliant. It was the fact that I wanted him.

On top of the emotional guilt which I was sure was made worse by the fertility drugs, I couldn’t figure out how I was supposed to find out if I was pregnant or not.

Since I had become a Sire I had not had a period. Would a conventional pregnancy test do the trick? I had no idea. I knew from a colleague I had worked with at the library there were certain changes to your body that were noticeable but I didn’t feel different at all.

A new fear emerged from my current situation. I was feeling things I knew I shouldn’t but I couldn’t help the emotion Silas provoked from me. But what if I couldn’t get pregnant?

I wanted to stay with Silas and the thought of going back to the training and losing the intimacy I had with him scared me. But I wasn’t sure I would ever be ready to have a child in the situation I was in.

I had mixed feelings with having a child with Silas, not because I hadn’t already thought of what a child of ours would look like but the lack of rights I would have. In a world where I had no say over anything, and I couldn’t control anything, was I prepared to bring an innocent child into the equation?

And what would happen after the baby was born? Would I be allowed to stay or would I be given to another vampire? When my worth was tied to what I could give them, how could I still hope to find some sort of contentment or dare I even think it, happiness?

Feeling claustrophobic inside the apartment I stared at the front door, debating if I was ready to go out into the world for the first after becoming a Sire. I had so many fears but I wanted to be able to walk and go where I wanted, even if it was for something trivial like buying groceries. Something I no longer needed.

Freedom, in any capacity, scared me. I took a step to the door. There was no one to stop me, no lock to keep me confined. I took a deep breath and released it before I moved to open the door. I would just have to remember my way back.

Was I ready for this? I peered out of the door. It was empty. There stood the lift, waiting for me.

This might be the only time I would have the opportunity to be free, even if it was conditional. Was it a chance I was willing to pass up because I was scared?

I made it out the door and closed it behind me. I took another steady breath before I pushed the button for the lift. It immediately opened.

Before I could even talk myself out of it, I entered the lift and pressed the ground floor. Feeling apprehensive the doors closed.

How could a simple ride in the lift send me spiraling? Was this how prisoners felt after they were released? The difference was I wasn’t completely free to do what I pleased. I was only free to do as I wanted as long as I came back and did what was expected of me.

A baby. A child. Part Sire and vampire.

When the lift doors opened I had a moment of panic but I pushed through it and walked into the reception.

I had no bag, no cards, no money.

The streets were noisy with lunchtime traffic. The wind blew softly between the buildings, for a moment I wanted to close my eyes and feel as free as a bird. Crowds of people strode in their purposeful direction as I watched fascinated to the side.

I inhaled it all, trying to take it all in. Anyone paying attention to me would I have thought I was crazy.

I scanned the immediate area, intent on staying close to the building to ensure I didn’t get lost.

Across the street was a grocery store. I didn’t eat but I had the urge to walk the aisles and looking back on the life where I would have stocked up weekly on my favorite foods. Foods I had forgotten.

A car honked and I got jumped at the sudden sound. My heart raced. But it wasn’t going to stop me.

A world I had grown up in, felt alien. Everything seemed louder, more clear. I wondered if that was a trait of being a Sire or was I more aware because I had been a prisoner for what had felt like forever.

The accomplishment I felt when I entered the grocery shop, lifted my heart. It made me feel like I could complete anything I put my mind to and that made me feel more confident.

My senses were taking in everything at a speed that felt different. The rows and rows of products in all arrays of colors was fascinating. I found myself walking inside down the aisles, taking in everything. It was only when I picked up a cereal box and looked up to see a woman push her shopping cart passed me. I stopped, unable to look away.

The woman looked me straight in my eyes and there was no mistaking the telltale glimmer that she was a vampire.

She never said a word as she disappeared around the corner.

I stood. Trying to process what I had just seen. Vampires, living amongst humans, unnoticed.

Then I remembered what Silas had told me about the Veil that hid vampire traits from humans. They had no idea, like I had never known when I had been human.

From that moment on I made sure to check every person to see how many were vampires. I was taken aback by how many I counted as I walked the aisles. My fascination had move from the items to the shoppers. I was seeing the world differently, seeing it as it was, not how vampires ensured humans did.

I was standing the fresh produce section, looking at some oranges when someone bumped into me. A man with gold shimmering eyes held mine.

“I’m sorry,” he smiled. Friendly. Not cruel.

It was very different to what I was used. My treatment by the vampires had mostly been cruel. Images of Silas and I intertwined in the throes of passion, reminded me there was one who had treated me differently.

“It’s fine.” I managed to say.

He pressed something into my hand before he walked off. I stared after him.

What had just happened?

I scanned the immediate area to see if anyone else had witnessed it but everyone was going about their business.

My hand opened to a paper note.

I can help you. Meet me in the alley next to the store. Was scribbled on it in black pen on the note.

My heart raced as I looked up to find the man but there was no sign of him.

How could he help me? My curiosity was peaked but my fear that somehow I was doing something I wasn’t supposed to made me hesitate.

But could I pass up the chance that somehow the stranger could help me. Help me do what? I wasn’t sure. But there was only one way to find out.

Cautiously, I made my way out of the grocery store and I stood on the sidewalk, mentally going through a list a of pros and cons. The pros won hands down so I found myself walking into the alley beside the store.

It was dark but I could see the stranger.

This time there was no smile. His eyes shimmered the same as Silas.

“Who are you?” I asked softly.

He made a point of looking behind me before he reached out to pull me behind the large trash container.

“We have to be careful,” he murmured.

“I don’t understand,” I whispered, unsure if this had been a good idea after all. I made a move to step back but he shook his head.

“I can help you,” he said. His eyes on me.

“I don’t even know who you are.” I pulled out of his grip and he released me.

I was still debating whether to leave before he could say anything.

“My name is Jason. And I can help you. Avery.”