I was exhausted when I looked around the small apartment. I had moved all the stuff I could pack and carry myself. The rest of the stuff I had left, I would make a plan later to get the stuff.
My phone started to ring. It was Sin. I backed away from the phone and let it ring. We had nothing to say to each other. We were done.
Why was this so hard? And he was making it harder by trying to contact me.
He had found someone else and I had to pick the pieces of my life up and try to make sense of things again all the while dealing with a secret pregnancy no one knew about yet.
How on earth did I explain that I was pregnant with the child of a man who didn’t want me anymore?
And right in that moment I was too angry with Sin to think straight. I was too mad to think about this situation with respect to what he was entitled to know. I wasn’t ready to share my secret with anyone yet, including Sin.
And I wasn’t sure I would ever want to tell him. I know I had to, it was the right thing to do. But why was I concerned about doing the right thing when he hadn’t been? If he wanted someone else why hadn’t he broken up with me first. Why had he strung me along while seeing another woman?
I still couldn’t link his actions with the man I thought I knew and loved.
Maybe I had wanted him to deny it but he hadn’t.
Not long after that my phone began to ring again. This time it was my brother but I wasn’t ready to talk to anyone. Sin had probably called my brother, it was the only explanation.
I was feeling too raw and vulnerable to talk about what happened. Maybe in part because I was still trying to understand it myself.
My heart was broken, my confidence shattered.
Connor called three more times but I let the phone ring. I wished he would just stop. I knew he would be worried about me but I just needed some time by myself before I could face the outside world.
I sat down on the only piece of furniture I had in the living room which was a plastic chair. There hadn’t been time to get anything else. I had a blow up bed and one mug.
For a while I lost track of time as I stared at my suitcases by the door. Never in a million years had I expected to be where I was. My stomach grumbled. The last thing I felt like doing was eating but I had to. I had the baby to think of.
I felt like I was dying inside. All my emotions wilting down to nothing. I felt numb.
I pulled out some crackers from my bag and nibbled on them trying to pull myself out the heartbroken slump that felt impossible to leave.
Releasing a deep emotional breath I stood. I had to get some basic groceries. I wasn’t hungry but I had to eat properly for the baby.
I grabbed my bag and opened the apartment door. It was the person standing outside my door that made me halt.
It was Jeff. I was taken aback
“Jeff,” I said breathlessly trying to figure out what he was doing outside my apartment.
“Taylor.” He greeted in his usual manner.
“Why…what are you doing here?”
“Sin instructed me to stay with you.”
That annoyed me. He had no right. He obviously didn’t love me enough to stay faithful but he had ordered Jeff to stand guard outside my apartment. None of his actions made any sense. Maybe it was out of a sense of guilt that had made him do it.
“How did he know…where I was?” I asked, trying to figure out how Sin had known where I was.
Then it dawned on me, he would still be able to see my location via my phone. If I could track him, he could track me.
“I love you Jeff. You’ve done so much for me.” I tried my best to be respectful to the man I owed so much. But I couldn’t allow Sin to interfere in my life. We had to have a clean break. It was the only way, there could be no confusion for either of us. “But I need you to leave.”
He didn’t leave. Instead he studied me quietly.
“I don’t want to do this but I have to.” I was torn. “If I come back and you’re still here I will call the cops.” I held his gaze for a few moments.
There was no visible reaction from him and I hated how Sin had put me into a position where I had to do this to Jeff. It made me hate him more.
Without another word I left, feeling like I was more in control.
I wasn’t gone long. I popped in to the small shop around the corner and got a few items to tide me over for the next couple of days.
Cautiously, I held my breath when I returned hoping that Jeff had left as I didn’t want to have to follow through with my threat to call the cops on him.
When the hallway outside my apartment was empty I sighed with relief. I didn’t want to be forced to call the cops on Jeff but I would have. I didn’t for one second believe that Jeff had left completely. He would be watching over me from afar.
When the day darkened into night I blew up the mattress I had bought only the day before. It wasn’t much but it had to do until I could get a proper bed.
My phone began to ring again. This time it was Jordan. I stared at the phone as it rang knowing I didn’t have the strength to answer it. Suddenly I wanted to do was lay me head down and close my eyes.
I crawled onto the blow up bed and curled up on my side. It was not the most comfortable surface but I had to make do. Covering myself with a small blanket I had remembered to pack I stared at the wall. I released a shaky breath and began to cry again.
I woke up with a start. There was banging. I saw up and trying to get my bearings.
The banging grew louder. I stood, still trying to wake up completely as I stalked over to the door.
I yanked the door open annoyed that I had been so rudely awakened.
The sight of my angry brother made my mouth drop open.
“I called and when you didn’t answer I knew this was the only way I was going to find out what’s going on.”
He walked into my small apartment, dwarfing it with his size.
“You didn’t…” I closed the door to face him. “You didn’t need to come here.”
He pinned me with a raised eyebrow.
“Why did I have to find out from Sin that you guys broke up?”
“Why didn’t you call me Taylor? I’m your brother.”
I exhaled slowly, feeling the pressure on my chest again. I was still half asleep and I hadn’t eaten much. My stomach felt unsteady, a reminder of my pregnancy.
A pregnancy I wasn’t ready to tell anyone about, including my brother.
“I’m an adult Connor. I need to manage on my own.”
He frowned. “No you don’t. I’m here to help you.”
“You don’t help, you take over Connor.”
He looked around the small apartment, judging it. It wouldn’t measure up.
“What happened?” he asked.
“Do you want something to drink?” I asked, ignoring his question and making a beeline for the kitchen to pour myself from water.
“What happened between you and Sin?” He wasn’t letting up.
I drank half the mug of water before I turned to face him.
“Did Sin not tell you?” I asked.
Connor shook his head.
“What did he tell you?”
My brother shrugged. “Not much. Only that you had moved out.”
I didn’t know how it made me feel that Sin hadn’t explained why I had walked out on him.
My brother studied me with a deep stare, that rested on my stomach.
There was no way he could know, was there?
His eyes lifted to mine. “How far along are you?”
My hand went to my stomach. He knew.