My knees shook and I inhaled sharply.
I was pregnant.
I had to sit down as I stared at the result that would change my future. Not just mine, Sin’s as well.
It was then the thought of a baby became more than something foreign. It morphed into an image similar to my nephew, Chase. Chubby little arms and an innocent smile.
A baby. A part of me and a part of Sin together. It was mind blowing, overwhelming.
I had no idea what I was going to do. I was too stunned to be able to figure out what to do next. Time forgotten as I tried to take in what this would mean for me, and for us.
And then I thought about how Sin would take the news. I was dreading it.
We had never talked about the future and kids. We had been happy to stay in the moment. Most people considered kids in their mid twenties not at our age.
Suddenly, the room was too small and I got up. I took the pregnancy test and wrapped it in tissue before shoving it in my underwear drawer. I argued that I just need a little time to wrap my mind around the discovery that I was going to be a mother.
That thought made me falter and I sat down on the bed. It reminded me of the mother who would not be there to help me through this monumental milestone in my life and it also reminded me of the evil in the world. The people who would harm others.
And that scared me. I put my hand to my stomach. How could I keep my baby safe in a world where I knew the monsters were real? They could strike at anytime without warning.
My thoughts gave way to a new fear that I would bring an innocent child into a world I couldn’t protect them fully. My parents had been murdered in their home. The only reason I had survived had been the quick thinking of my mother. Connor had been forced to step in and fill the roles of my parents.
I had no idea what Connor would say but I was pretty sure it would start with a lecture of how difficult it was to have a baby so young and then proceed to how irresponsible I was to put myself in this situation. I closed my eyes briefly, feeling so alone with the weight of the world on my shoulders.
Exhaling, I tried to get a hold on my spiraling emotions. It didn’t help that I was feeling over emotional.
I had made my bed and now I had to lie in it. It conflicted me that Sin would be made to pay for the mistake I had made. Spending more time on how I could and should have avoided this was a waste. I was pregnant. No amount of wishing could take me back in time to do things differently.
I had to figure out what I was going to do now.
Sin. My heart felt like it was splitting open.
He would be home soon and I would have to tell him what I had done.
I had been putting it off for the last couple of weeks and it was time to be honest, even if I was scared of the outcome.
I took a shaky breath trying to build myself up, checking my watch I realized Sin would be home soon. He had told me he had an early morning meeting and that he would be back as soon as it was done.
Since the whole car following thing, he had been hesitant to leave me at all. Even if Jeff was in the living room, and I wasn’t technically alone.
My hands were still shaking when Sin arrived home and Jeff left.
“How was your meeting?” I asked, as I approached him.
There was tension in his shoulders and the twitch of his jaw. He was angry.
“It was fine.” His answer tight and cold.
He wasn’t being truthful and I didn’t know why. Why he trying not to burden me for fear I was under too much stress following his mother’s death and funeral?
This wasn’t a side I was used to seeing in him and it only increased my fear that he would not take the news of his impending fatherhood well.
It would be so easy to put off telling him about the baby, arguing that I needed to confirm it with a doctor before it could be real but I was only stalling. I had to do the right thing and that was to be truthful with him even if I was so scared that this would derail what we had fought so hard to have.
“We need to talk-”
He raked a hand through his hair. The strain visible in his handsome features. “Can we not right now?”
He looked so tired and it made my heart ache. I was trying to do the right thing but I had a feeling it was not the right time. Besides, wouldn’t it be better to approach him when he was in a better mood. How could I tell him such mind blowing news when he was already under so much stress?
Before I could say another word he disappeared down the hall and into his study. There was something else going on but I had no idea what.
I had tried to tell him and that gave me some sort of reprieve. I would try again when he was more approachable.
My thoughts moved from the pregnancy to Sin. Had I been so selfish that I had only concentrated on what I was going through and not been sensitive to what he was struggling with?
This felt like more than grief, more than losing a parent. There was a visible strain in him that I hadn’t seen before. Was it work?
There was only one way to find out so I called Jordan. Slater would have told her and I would be able to find out why Sin was in such a fowl mood.
“Hi,” she greeted cheerily. “How are you?”
I tired to match her easy going voice but it was more difficult when I had so much going on.
“I’m good.” I still stood by my decision not to reveal to anyone the pregnancy until I told Sin so I was currently keeping it under wraps.
“You feeling better?” she asked.
“Yes, I am. Sin was in a mood this morning,” I said, conversationally. I picked at the stitching of the hem of the shirt I wore, trying to find something to keep my hands busy with.
I felt like I was all over the place, and it was difficult to keep my emotions in check. It made me wonder if it was part of the pregnancy or the stress I had been under.
“Do you think it has something to do with his mom? Maybe he is struggling with the grief.”
“I’m not sure. How was Slater when he got back?” I asked.
There was a pause.
“Back from where?”
I frowned. “The meeting this morning.”
“Uh…Slater has been home all morning.”
But that wasn’t possible. If the meeting Sin had attended this morning had anything to do with the business he shared with Slater, Slater would have been there.
The fact that he hadn’t been made me wonder who Sin had met with and why that meeting had affected him so negatively.
“I just assumed it was a work meeting.” My voice trailed off as I tried to think of who he would have met up with.
Surely if the meeting hadn’t been about work, Sin would have said something.
He was usually open about where he went and what he did. I didn’t like the feeling that unfurled in my stomach, that something more was going on.
It made me feel like unsettled.
For a while after my phone call with Jordan I had mixed feelings. Sin remained in his study for the rest of the day, tersely declining any offer for food.
There was something up and I had no idea what. The current situation with Sin only added to my fear of how he would take my pregnancy.
I made an appointment with my doctor to confirm my pregnancy and ensure I stuck to what I needed to do for my baby. But no amount of distraction could stop me from wondering what was going on with Sin.