Ch20 Fear
Tension knotted my shoulders. The stress of the situation was getting to me. I inhaled sharply and held the breath before releasing it slowly. My hand shook and I flexed my hand.
I didn’t know how much I could take. The constant fear that lived in every second of every day was too much to bear.
We hadn’t heard anything from Mack for two days. Forty eight hours. It felt like a lifetime.
Even when I wasn’t consciously going through every possible scenario of how this would end I found myself tossing and turning at night, unable to sleep. Or pacing steadily, unable to relax.
Even mustering up any sort of appetite had been difficult:
It wasn’t good for me or the baby. But I couldn’t not walk away and allow Sin to face what was coming alone. Besides I didn’t believe for a second Mack would allow it.
Connor had also been uncharacteristically quiet. I knew he was respecting Sin’s request.
There were moments I just wanted something to happen so it would end. But the fear of how this could unfold kept me praying that there would be more time.
But the more time we stayed in limbo the worse the fear got.
I was scared for all of us. After what I’d seen through my life I didn’t believe for a moment that we would get out of this unscathed like Sin was hoping.
Maybe he couldn’t voice it for fear it would give it the power to u fold.
I felt his hands on my shoulders and I closed my eyes allowing him to knead the stress from my body.
“Mmm…feels so good,” I sighed myself to just stop thinking long enough to feel his touch.
It reminded me I wasn’t in this alone, and neither was he.
I turned to face him. “I love you.”
There was more power in those words now than there had ever been before.
“I love you too.”
I let his declaration wash over me like a blanketed warmth, giving me hope that this wouldn’t end in tragedy.
His eyes gave all the emotion he couldn’t voice. I put my arms around his waist and laid my head again his chest as he folded me into a hug.
We had to feign normality but when your nerves were as frayed as ours it felt impossible.
The sudden and unexpected knock at the door jolted me. Sin pressed a kiss to my forehead before he went to open the door.
It was Slater.
“You blew off another meeting.” He was frowning, he was annoyed.
He had no idea what was going on.
Sin didn’t invite him in. “I’ve had some stuff I need to handle.”
“What could be that important?”
Sin’s finger touched the tattoo they both had inked into their skin. The one I remember him telling me was the one they got when they first joined the gang.
Slater’s eyes shot to Sin. Almost questioning.
Then Sin lifted his finger to the ceiling before placing his finger over his mouth.
Slater frowned.
Sin nodded. “I need you to take care of things. Keep everyone off my back for the next week.”
Slater finally saw me. His expression torn.
I had no idea what was going through his mind. His expression went from a moment of horror to unreadable.
“Sure. No problem.” His voice easy going with none of the annoyance he had begun with.
“A week should be enough but I’ll be in touch when I’m done.”
Or we were dead. I rubbed my forehead, trying not to the allow the worst case scenario to be my foremost thought.
Slater nodded solemnly before Sin shut the door.
My legs were shaking to bad I sank down in the closest chair trying not to freak out. We had come to
Sin turned and stood watching me. His phones beeped with a message and he took it out his pocket.
I hated the uncertainty of the whole situation and I hated that we had gotten involved even if it was to help Serena, another innocent.
But Sin wouldn’t be the guy who owned my heart if had turned his back on someone he cared for in their direst time. It wasn’t who he was.
He might have dealt drugs and gotten on with the wrong crowd to survive but fundamentally he was a good guy.
The same one who had looked over a girl he didn’t know because someone had been spiked her drink.
That was the guy I refused to walk away from. He was the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. He was the one I wanted to father my children.
“Mack wants us to come over for dinner.”
I stood, still feeling a little unsteady. The urge to run and try and get as far away was a survival instinct I had to fight.
We wouldn’t be hanging in limbo but the fear that gripped me made it hard to breath.
“Okay, what time?” I croaked nervously, failing miserably at keeping my composure.
Sin’s gaze lifted to mine. “Eight.”
It was in two hours.
“I … um.. should get ready.”
The heat of his gaze followed me as I hurried from the room. In the bedroom I flung the closet doors open to try and find something to wear.
Unable to concentrate on what I needed to do I web to other bathroom and turned the shower on.
I stripped naked and got in. The water poured over me and I leaned my head against the cool tiles giving into the quiet tears that mingled with the water.
The sound of the door didn’t stop me. It was only when Sin got in with me fully clothed and turned me to hug me fiercely.
I hated how weak I felt and how strong he had to be for the both of us. It wasn’t fair.
I cried without sound as he held me close. He kissed the top of my head.
When my emotional outburst subsided I moved to look up at him.
“Trust me.” He whispered as the water sprayed over us.
I nodded.
He placed his hands on my face, bringing it closer to his. “I will protect both of you.”
The baby and I.
He kissed me and I held onto him. He was my strength in a world where I feared for our lives.
How could things be going so horribly wrong when I finally had everything to live for?
My parent’s lives had been cut short. I more than anyone understood that nothing was guaranteed. But I trusted Sin.
I kissed him back desperately, not wanting it to be our last. He angled my mouth to deepened the kiss.
I clung to him.
“We can’t be late,” he murmured when the kiss ended. “He is sending a driver.”
I nodded. No we couldn’t keep Mack waiting. He was dangerous and unstable. Who knew what could set him off.
We still had no idea what this dinner was for and I wasn’t looking forward to it. I don’t like Mack at all and the feeling was mutual.
After we shared a shower Sin helped me find something to wear. A simple black dress while he dressed in smart slacks and a pristine white button up shirt.
I would have been much more content to stay home and feign being sick but I feared that would make Mack more suspicious. And the last thing I wanted was for him to find out I was pregnant.
Especially when I had the feeling that he wanted me out of the picture so he could slot his sister into my place.
Who did that? Arrange people’s lives like chess board pieces. This guy had a serious issue if he believed he could do that without resistance.
But he was a very powerful man who used fear to succeed.
The same fear I felt as Sin put his hand to the small of my back as we headed out the house to the car where the driver held the passenger door open.
The closer we got to our final destination the more nervous I got. Sin reached out and covered my hand with his. He gave it a reassuring squeeze and I took a deep breath. I had to calm otherwise I was going to go into a full blown panic.
The car arrived at Mack’s house. The car stopped.
It took all my strength to plaster a smile to my mouth before the driver opened the door and helped me out.
It was time to find out what was behind this dinner invitation.