Ch2 Close Cont
My heart raced as I looked around frantically. I couldn’t find him. The realization hit me like a hammer to the chest. He was gone. Gone.
I couldn’t breathe. The fear gripped my inside like a vice and I fell to my knees.
“Sin,” I gasped, still trying to call for him, even when I knew it was pointless.
He was gone. My world was broken and I sobbed.
I shot up in the bed. Had I screamed? My chest fell and rose with each hurried breath. It was dark.
I couldn’t answer, I was still trying to catch my breath and sort through what had been a dream and what was real.
He sat up.
“You were dreaming,” he said as he put an arm around me and pulled me close. Kissing my forehead.
I held onto him like I would lose him if I let go. It wasn’t logical.
He sat quietly, rubbing my back gently as my breathing settled into a normal rhythm.
“You want to talk about it,” he asked softly.
The fear I had just experienced felt so real even thought I logically knew it wasn’t real. There was no shaking it off as as a nightmare. It was one of my greatest fears.
When you found the type of love we shared, the fear that you would lose it took hold in the back of your mind. And you never fully accepted that it was irrational. Not after everything I had experienced. I knew people died before their time all the time. I had suffered a great loss and knew that anything could happen. Including, losing the only man I had ever loved.
“Tay.” He wasn’t letting this go and I didn’t want to voice the fears that I had.
“It was just some stupid nightmare,” I said, brushing it off.
“You were terrified,” he murmured. His hand stilled on my back.
“I don’t want to talk about it.” I released a shaky breath, knowing I wasn’t in any way ready to tell him the details of my dream.
“You can’t bottle it up inside.”
He was probably right, but I wasn’t thinking rationally. The cobwebs of my night mare still clouded my judgment.
“I can’t.” My voice husky.
“I love you Tay. I won’t let anything happen to you.”
His words inflated my heart with warmth but logically I knew he couldn’t protect me from everything. Especially the fear and trauma from my past.
I lay my head on his shoulder and closed my eyes. I just wanted to hold onto his touch and forget about the fear of losing him. There was no rational reason why I feared the loss of him.
Even later when I was up making coffee and he entered the kitchen, had I managed to shake off the remnants of my nightmare.
He stood by the counter. “You get some sleep?”
The truth was I hadn’t been able to fall asleep after the bad dream. I had lay in his arms, listening to the steady beat of his heart, wide awake. I was exhausted.
“A little,” I murmured with a one armed shrug.
“Maybe you need to look at getting something to help you manage.”
I bristled at the suggestion. “I’m fine.”
He moved closer to take my hand in his. “You’re not. And you know it.”
I bit my lip, refusing to say anything.
“I know you see it as a weakness to take something but it might help.”
I held his gaze, resentfully.
“I’m not crazy,” I stated, angrily.
“I didn’t say that. Don’t put words in my mouth,” he said, frowning.
I was being defensive. There was a certain connotation to taking medicine for mental issues and the reminder of what I had dealt with before when my parents had been murdered stuck with me. No matter what I wouldn’t allow myself to feel like that again. Like I had no control, when I had completely shut down. It had taken a while to bring myself back and it had taken a lot of therapy.
I would not go down that route again. No matter what. Even when I had no clear plan on how to tackle what I was experiencing.
“I feel like there is more going on than you’re telling me Tay. And I can’t help you, if you’re not going to be honest with me. I can’t lose you. Do you understand that?” He moved closer, my hand held tight in his. “And I feel like if I don’t get you help you’re going to spiral. And there will be nothing I can do.”
For the first time I was getting to see how my issues affected him. It reminded he was in this with me. I didn’t have to fight it alone. But I still found it difficult to admit that some days I was still struggling to cope.
“I’ll think about it.” I had no intention of doing it but I only told him that to appease him momentarily.
“Good.” He smiled.
His phone began to ring and he answered it. Letting go of my hand. He murmured as he listened. I saw his features tighten. It wasn’t good.
“I’ll be there as soon as I can,” he murmured before he ended the call.
“What’s wrong?” I asked.
“It’s my mom.” He didn’t have to explain.
His mom had been very sick and it was only a matter of time before she succumbed to her illness. But even when we knew it was inevitable, it didn’t erase the pain I saw in his eyes.
She had taken a bad turn during the night and had been rushed to hospital.
We quickly dressed and left to see his mom.
I hated hospitals. It was a reminder of the aftermath of my kidnapping and I suppressed the emotion as I tried my best to be there for Sin. I messaged Jordan to tell her so she could relay the message to Slater.
His mom was on ventilator when we entered the hospital room. There was no hope. It was only a matter of time.
I saw the strain in Sin’s features, in his tense shoulders and I hated how I could do nothing to lighten the burden.
In that time we spent at his mother’s beside, all my issues shoved in the background. The only thing that mattered was Sin and getting him through this.
Slater and Jordan arrived a little later to show their support.
I was outside getting some coffee when I saw spotted them as they got out of the lift.
“How is he?” Slater asked after he hugged me briefly.
“I don’t know.” I shrugged. “He isn’t talking.”
The only time he spoke was when he was getting updates from the doctors and nurses. The rest of the time he sat in a heavy silence in a chair beside his mom, holding her hand.
They hadn’t had the best of relationships but it had improved in the later years. No matter what happened, she was still his mom and he would still feel her loss. And I hated that I couldn’t do anything to stop or change what was going to unfold. She had suffered for a long time and this would finally give her peace. But even that wouldn’t soften the blow.
Jordan hugged me as Slater went to check on his friend.
It was in times like this that I was glad for Slater’s presence. He knew his friend in a way I didn’t. I didn’t mind taking a step back so he could step in to take over.
“You okay?” Jordan asked, searching my features.
I shrugged. I didn’t want to talk about it.
“Taylor,” she said.
“I hate hospitals.”
It reminded me of the injuries I had sustained from my kidnapping and it felt like death filled the hallways.
Jordan put her arm around me and hugged me.
“We are here to help. In any way we can.”
We got some coffee and waited outside the room. Only two visitors were allowed at any given time.
I drank the coffee, needing the caffeine to keep awake. We had gotten a hotel room nearby so we could shower and catch a little sleep between visits.
Sin hadn’t slept much and I was worried. He didn’t want to lose a single moment of his mom, even though she wasn’t awake.
I couldn’t imagine what he was going through but I would do whatever he needed to get him through this. He would do the same for me in heartbeat.