I paced the living room. Sin had left an hour ago for his meeting. Being alone was when I was my most vulnerable. When he was around he kept the dark at bay, but without his presence the memories took hold.
The four walls felt like they were closing in on me and I knew I had to get out. Even for a short time to stop myself from going into a full blown panic. I had fought hard to get this far and I couldn’t allow myself to slip back.
I grabbed a jacket and pulled it on as I opened the door. In my hurry to get out I forgot my phone. I stopped, contemplating if I should head back in the house to get it. Feeling jittery and anxious, I decided not to as I began to walk down the street. I tried to focus on the sounds of the cars driving past, the sound of the the couple walking past me. On anything other than the memories trying to hold their place in my present.
I breathed in sharply tucking my hands into the jacket and pulling it close. The sky was clear. The sun shone brightly. I slowed down to close my eyes briefly, to feel the warmth of the rats on my face. It made me feel lighter, breaking free of the darkness that lurked inside.
I wasn’t sure how long I walked for but when I returned I saw Sin’s car in the driveway.
My smile waned after I entered the house and saw the thunderous expression on Sin’s face as he stood in the living room with my phone in his hand.
“I’m sorry,” I mumbled.
He moved to gather me in his arms and hold me tight.
“You can’t do this to me.” He breathed into my hair.
I swallowed hard. It was a reminder of how my kidnapping still affected him so deeply.
“I’m sorry,” I breathed anchoring my arms around him to hug him.
It had been a thoughtless mistake, nothing more. But I felt awful.
He held me for a while before he pulled back. “We’ve talked about this Tay. You can’t just leave without your phone. I had no way of knowing where you were…”
“I didn’t mean to.” It sounded so feeble but I decided not to tell him how panicked, that I had needed to escape for a little while. Even when I feared surroundings I had little control over.
He put my phone on the table before he cradled my face, staring deep into my eyes.
“You scared me.” He swallowed.
I covered his hands with mine. “I just needed some air and I was thoughtless. I’m sorry.”
He studied me. “You sure there isn’t something going on that you’re not sharing.”
“I’m fine. Everything is fine.” I didn’t want to spoil the moment. I didn’t want to voice the strain I was feeling.
He pressed his lips to mine softly and my hands curl into his shirt holding him close. This was exactly where I wanted to be.
He lifted his lips from mine but I never released my hold on him. I pressed my body up against his, leaving him with no doubt about what I wanted.
With him there was no thinking, there was only feeling. Feeling his hands on my body, his lips on mine.
“You sure?” he asked softly.
“Yes. I want you.”
He lifted me off my feet and hoisted me up. I locked my legs around his waist as his mouth claimed mine, thrusting his tongue between my parted lips. I threaded my hands through is hair as he delved deeper. His tongue slid against mine.
I was addicted to him and the way he made me feel.
He carried me to the room and released me to stand. He shoved the jacket off my shoulders and I dropped my arms to shake it free. I lifted his shirt and he pulled his shirt off. Our eyes meshed together, the air between us felt electric.
I lay my hand against his bare chest as I stared up to him. He was breathtaking and my heart raced.
“You are beautiful,” he whispered as he pressed a kiss to my cheek and then lowered a kiss to my jaw. I sighed. It felt so good.
I lifted my hands to hold onto his shoulders, my knees feeling shaky as the sensations from his touch vibrated through me. Lifting the darkness that I had been struggling with earlier. All I needed was him, nothing else.
I ached for him, digging my fingers into his skin as he kissed me just below the ear and then down the side of my neck. I arched, closing my eyes, riding the sensation. Never wanting it to end.
Impatiently, I reached for his jeans and undid them. He shoved them down and stepped out of them as I removed kicked my shoes off and removed mine.
He moved to unhook my bra and moved one strap off my shoulder and then the other. It dropped to the floor.
Time seemed to still as I moved to kiss him, pressing my sensitive nipples against his chest. His mouth found mine and kissed me deeply. My world was spinning around him.
Our breaths hot and shallow. He lifted me to lay me on the bed. He knelt to pull my panties down slowly. The wait was killing me. I wanted him as desperately as I needed the air in my lungs.
He lay down beside me and kissed me. Long and deep. He gently touched my face savoring the moment between us before he moved above me. His moved trailed light feathered kisses down to my breast before suckling the tip. The ache between my legs intensified and I gasped. He repeated the action with the other one before he separated my legs with his knee. I held my breath as he entered me, slowly.
His mouth covered mine as I groaned and he thrust completely into me. I arched into him, needing more. I wrapped my arms around him as he began to withdraw. Each stroke harder and faster as I held on. Our mouths fused together, sweat beading his forehead.
My heart felt like it was going to burst from emotion.
“Sin,” I groaned as I felt him lift me higher. I was so close, I strained against him.
“Say my name again,” he whispered softly.
“Sin,” I repeated, this time I said it staring into his eyes. My emotions mirrored in his.
“You’re mine,” he whispered as he thrust hard tipping me over the edge. I held onto him as the orgasm shuddered through me and I cried out.
“Always,” I whispered in his ear as he went rocked into me faster and harder. I felt his muscle bunched under my hands. He kissed me, thrusting his tongue against mine as his body tightened and he groaned as he came.
I held him close as he dropped his head to nestle in my neck. His breath hot and rapid against my sensitive skin.
I loved him so much, it felt like it would consume me totally and I had never felt so lucky.
For all the wrong I had endured, he made it all right. The fear, doubt and angst would come later but for that moment I felt complete with the man I loved still deep inside of me, connected with me in a way no one else had.
“I love you,” I whispered. I needed him to know how much he meant to me.
He lifted his head. His eyes met mine. “I love you too.”
Slowly, he kissed me gently and I hugged him close. The weight of his body heavy on me, but I didn’t care. It was a reminder of what we had just shared between us. To be as close as possible. I touched his cheek as he lifted his lips from mine.
He moved to the side and pulled my back to his front. I closed my eyes, giving myself over to the security he provided with his presence. He moved to cover us as he held mine.
There was no past when he held me, there was only us in the moment.
His arm tightened around my waist and revealed in the possessive action.
I was so damn lucky. But now that I had something so valuable, I feared the loss of it. I tried to concentrate on his steady breathing to keep my thoughts from running with that heavy thought.