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Ch13 Scared

I only had a second to take in the look he gave me before he released me and I sank back against the wall, trying to catch my breath and make sense of what had just happened.

Sin turned his back on me. “Stay away from me,” he warned, before he stormed away.

I felt like I had been caught up in a tornado. Things had happened so fast my mind was still trying to race to explain what had happened.

By the time I began to piece together the look he had given me, it was too late to question him. He was long gone and I was alone.

It didn’t make any sense. None of his actions made any sense. If he was truly over me then why had he held me close. The look in his beautiful green eyes had been of love. The love we had shared. The love I had believed he no longer felt for me.

But why would he be with someone else if he still felt that way for me. For a little while I stayed I the alley way trying to put reason in a situation I couldn’t explain.

It was the darkness that made me finally walk to find the driver my brother had sent to ensure I got home safe.

I slid into the back of the car, distracted.

Stay away from me. Sin’s words echoed in my mind.

I had hoped that seeing him would help me come to terms with the breakup and I would be able to move on. But that hadn’t happened.

I could still feel his arms around me. Feeling overwhelmed, I released a breath. Trying to make sense of what happened.

Was it possible he still had feelings for me? But the reality is, that if he did he wouldn’t have cheated.

I had to let go. I had to find a way to move on. Doing this. Playing games, was going to drive me crazy.

I had to accept that he wanted someone else. No more stalking him or trying to figure out why it had happened.

The reason didn’t really matter, did it? He didn’t want me anymore and as difficult as that was to accept I had to. And I needed to make sure I was no longer weak when it came to him before I could tell him about the baby.

I didn’t know how I was going to be strong enough to hold my own when it came to him.

Instead of pushing him away, I had reveled when he had taken me into his arms. Like I was back where I belonged.

Connor was waiting for me when I got back to the hotel.

I closed the door softly behind me as my brother stood watching.

“And?” he asked, studying me.

I shrugged. “I saw him.”

Connor was still watching me closely as I slipped one high heel and then the other.

“Did you tell him about the baby?”

The question hung in the air between us.

“I know you mean well Connor but I’m not in the mood for your questioning,” I replied, not wanting to get wade into the emotional aspect of what I was feeling. All I wanted was a hot shower and a comfortable bed. And in the morning I would figure out my next step.

“Did you tell him?” he questioned, ignoring my statement.

I sighed. “No.”

“Why didn’t you tell him?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.” I dismissed any further conversation on my part.

“You have to tell him.”

My brother’s statement stopped me. “This is my life Connor. I will make the decisions I think are best for me and the baby. You don’t get a say in this.”

Connor frowned. “He deserves to know.”

The aching heart in my chest wanted to disagree with the statement.

“You can’t keep this from him,” he said. Voicing what my conscience was constantly reminding me.

“I will tell him Connor. I just haven’t figured out when.”

Connor moved to stand in front of me. “Why delay the inevitable?”

“Stop Connor. I will tell him but I will decide when that happens. No one else is going to force me to do something I’m not ready to do.”

“You’re delaying the inevitable. The quicker you get it done the better for everyone.”

I frowned at my brother. “And when did you become an expert on this?”

I was tired and annoyed. The evening had not gone to plan and I didn’t know what I was going to do next. All this uncertainty wasn’t good for me or my anxiety.

“I couldn’t imagine missing out on a moment of Chase.”

He was talking about his son.

“I don’t even know if Sin will want this baby.” Was that what really scared me? That I would tell him and he would want nothing to do with it?

Not wanting me was one thing but rejecting our baby was something I wasn’t sure I could handle right now.

“Sin has made some questionable decisions lately but I still believe he will want this baby Taylor.” He said it with such a surety that I wanted to hold onto it and believe it as well.

But I couldn’t. After everything he had put me through, I couldn’t trust any instinct when it came to him. I was too in love with him to be able to use logical reasoning when it came to anything to do with him.

Even tonight, instead of hold my own against him, I had fallen right into his arms like nothing had happened. It made me feel ashamed that I hadn’t been stronger and resisted him.

“I thought I knew him but the man I love wouldn’t have cheated on me.”

It was the reality of my life and no amount of wishing was going to change that.

Stay away from me. His words echoed in me. He didn’t want me anymore and no matter how much it hurt I had to accept it. Baby or not.

“I know you mean well but I need you to back off.” I let out a heavy breath.

Standing up to my brother didn’t come naturally especially when I owed him so much. I didn’t know where I would have ended up without him. But I had to learn to stand on my own. Especially with a baby on the way. I had to learn to do things on my own.

To build a life for myself and my baby. I didn’t want to think about Sin or where he would fit in. I had to accept that there was good possibility that he would want nothing to do with the life we had made.

“Promise me, you will tell him.” Connor added.

I sighed. “I will. I’m just not ready right now.”

Connor gave a brief nod.

“I’m tired.” I moved to kiss my brother on the cheek. He remained where he was as I headed into my room and closed the door.

I sighed as I leaned against the door.

I wanted to hope that things would work out, somehow. But after everything that had happened I knew that bad things happened all the time and that made it more difficult to see the positive in situations or hope for a positive outcome.

The man I still loved had broken my heart. Clearly I hadn’t known him well. The man I had planned my future with, wasn’t the same man who had cheated on me and left me heartbroken.

Maybe the man I had fallen in love with didn’t exist.

That was a heartbreaking thought. It tore through all memories I had of him, making me question everything.

As tired as I was, I had a shower and got ready for bed.

Once I lay there in the dark I reached for my phone. I hated how I still wanted to know where he was. Checking his location wasn’t healthy but I couldn’t stop myself.

It hit me straight in the heart when I realized I no longer had access to his location. He had removed my access to it.

I exhaled a shaky breath, feeling the renewed ache in my heart.

There felt like a finality in his latest move. Stay away from me. He was making sure I wasn’t able to track him down, he was putting more distance between us.

I had to accept that I had no place in his life anymore. And that was difficult to accept.

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