It felt like my heart fell right out of my chest and splattered against the hard floor into a million pieces. My breath short was I stared at the two of them together. It was something I had to face, there was no ignoring it. The hope that I had secretly harbored that Sin and I had a chance at getting back together disappeared. There was no way back for us. This was the end of us.
Even with the proof evident in front of me it was still difficult to believe. I loved him, still.
It happened in slow motion. Everything seemed to slow down as I watched as he leaned closer to whisper something into her ear. It reminded me of every close moment we shared and before what had made me feel love was replaced by something that felt like anger and hurt. It ripped to shreds all the memories where I had felt love for him.
My breath caught in my lungs.
I couldn’t move. I was transfixed to watch as I felt all the happiness I had ever experienced with him drain away leaving a vast nothingness, making it more difficult to breathe. Even though I was staring at the end of my relationship with Sin, it was still difficult to process. Maybe it was because I couldn’t pin point what I had done wrong or specifically when things had changed. Had I been so wrapped up that I hadn’t seen it?
Would it be easier to accept if I had done something wrong? God, it hurt to see him with her. Only a short time ago he had been mine and now…he wasn’t mine anymore.
Why did it have to hurt so much? I had always been determined to be strong. And after everything I had been through I knew I could survive a lot. But this. This felt too much to handle.
Did it make me weak because I couldn’t just move on and accept Sin didn’t want me anymore? There was the complication of the pregnancy but I wasn’t the first girlfriend to discovery a surprise pregnancy after the relationship had ended and I wouldn’t be the last.
The right thing would have been to leave, to walk away before my own self respect but I couldn’t. I was fixed to the spot, staring at them, unable to look away. Unable to leave.
My throat burned, my eyes stung. I swallowed the rising emotion. Being pregnant only amplified the emotions, making the whole situation more than heartbreak. It felt like my life, all my hopes and dreams were falling to pieces, leaving me with nothing.
I gulped another breath, trying to calm the heartbreak inside.
I wanted to be able to turn around and walk away but I couldn’t. Something imaginary still held me in place as I continued to stare at Sin, even when every passing second caused more hurt than I ever thought imaginable.
It was honestly a a nightmare that I felt like I couldn’t wake up. There was no escape.
One step brought me closer and then another. I had no idea what I was doing, all I knew was that I couldn’t just leave. Another steady breath brought me closer as I worked my way through the dance floor. With each step bringing me heartbreaking closer to Sin. Was that what I needed? The pain so bad it felt like something inside me was dying?
Even when there were only a few people between us I still didn’t hesitate or allow the reality of my actions to stop me. It wasn’t logic or reasoning that drove me, it was emotion. This was something I felt I had to do. I needed to confront the both of them. I don’t know what answer would set me free in the way I desperately hoped. I had to at least try.
The moment I caught Sin’s gaze, the air locked in my lungs. Everyone else faded into the background. I hesitated for a second. The flicker of surprise lasted a second before his gaze shuttered. His jaw tightened. He was not happy to see me.
That should have made me turn around and leave but I didn’t. I moved closer intent on confronting the two of them out in the open. Maybe if I had thought this through properly I wouldn’t have done it but the amplified emotions made me recklessly emotional. I wanted to lash out and nothing less would suffice.
I wasn’t a timid heartbroken doormat that would allow him to treat me the way he had. He had to know there were repercussions for such careless actions. I wanted him to answer the burning question of why. It was something I believed I deserved an answer to.
In my mind I had a picture of how things would have gone but I had not taken into account that Sin would intervene and stop me before I had chance to have my say in front of everyone, including the dark haired beauty who had stolen him from me.
As I stepped past the last person on the dance floor Sin appeared in front of me. I didn’t have a chance to make the scene I had anticipated when he grabbed my hand and pulled me away. I hurried to keep up with him. My heart raced at the nearness of him, his hold on me tight and I tried to pull away.
He stopped only to whisper harshly. “Don’t.”
There was something in the tone of his voice that me stop. Against every instinct to have it out with him, I followed him out of the club and to the dark alleyway beside it. Away from the crowds of people I had hoped would witness my confrontation with him.
When Sin finally released me, my wrist burned from his touch. I held it to my chest as I glared at him.
He put his hands on his hips as he faced me, a few feet away. There was anger but I didn’t care. I was the one who had a right to be angry, not him. My chest rose and feel with each deep filled emotional breath. I felt so much that I couldn’t keep a lid of any of those feelings anymore.
He looked so fierce, it made my heart ache. I wanted to hate him, so badly.
“Are you crazy?” he hissed at me, raking a hand through his hair.
The word vibrated through me. Crazy. Reminding me of a time when I shut down after my parents’ murder. I fought so hard to get a point where I could view myself of a normal woman and not a girl who had been screwed up by the untimely death of both of her parents.
The hot irrational emotion that had driven before seemed to vanish and I was left feeling a void that sucked the air out of my lungs. The one person who had truly seen me before when I hadn’t even seen it in myself was now looking at me like I had completely taken leave of my senses. I never believed for a second he would look at me that way. It took everything out of me and I took a step back. Horrified.
I took another step back and my back pressed up against the wall. I felt vulnerable, delicate and totally out of depth. Hurriedly, I inhaled a sharp breath, trying to fill my aching lungs with air.
Thinking back to my actions only reinforced what he had said. He was right. What I had been abut to do in a club full of people was crazy.
I was crazy. I had always been this way, it was just coming out into the open.
Is this all it had taken to put me right back where I had started?
Never had been more scared of slipping back into the mental state where I couldn’t handle reality any longer.
So far I had been able to hold it all in, but my bottom lip trembled and I knew I was going to cry. There would be no stopping it.
“Fuck,” he swore under his breath. He closed the distance between us and then I was in his arms.
I was too stunned to break away. My eyes meshed with his.
I was held in the moment by the look in his eyes.