My life was wrecked. I struggled to let go of all the hopes and dreams about the future that I had shared with Sin. His infidelity had trashed everything and I had no idea how to pick up the pieces to try to start over.
For the first couple of days after Connor had showed up I had stayed in bed, struggling to even make it out of bed. Staring into the distance, not really seeing anything I couldn’t stop think about Sin and what he had done. The memory of him with the woman from the motel played in my mind over and over again. I knew it wasn’t healthy but I didn’t know how to pull myself together. To stop trying to hold onto something that was already lost.
No matter what Connor tried I just couldn’t find the energy to care about anything else other the heartbreak of what Sin had done to me. I knew I had to find a way for the baby but I felt so down I couldn’t see a future without the boy I had fallen hopelessly in love with.
I stared in the mirror trying to figure out what the other woman had possessed that I hadn’t. I was driving myself crazy. None of it mattered. The why didn’t matter, the only thing that did was that it had happened and there was no going back.
Initially I was just sad, really sad. The tears were constant. Then a few days later I started to feel something else. Anger. Anger at Sin for how he had treated me and anger at the woman who had taken him from me. There was nothing logical about the hot emotion that burned in the middle of my chest.
I had sworn my brother to secrecy. Other than Shannon, he was not to reveal what happened with Sin to anyone until I was able to deal with it.
Jordan phoned, I didn’t pick up. What did I say? What was there to say?
I had no idea what she knew or what Sin had told her. All I knew was that I couldn’t talk about it. It still hurt too much.
My morning sickness was out of control. It was difficult to keep much down and my depressive state only added to the burden.
“You can’t keep going like this Taylor,” Connor had warned from my door way. “It’s not good for the baby or you.” His disapproval was clear in his expression.
“I just need a few days.” I wanted to stave off the reality of my life for a just a little while longer. In no way, was I ready to face it.
I didn’t believe my words. A few days wouldn’t fix what had been broken but I had to get my brother off my case. It wasn’t helping.
The third time Jordan called I finally relented and answered. I wasn’t sure if it was because I was ready to talk or the curiosity of what Sin had told her that had made me finally take her call.
“Taylor.” The tone of her voice made me fight back the tears that threatened.
“Hi.” My voice hoarse.
“I’m so sorry Tay.”
The emotion broke free from me and I began to tear up at the sympathy in her voice. It reopened the hurt all over again.
She remained quiet as I sniffled.
“What happened?” she finally asked when I quietened down.
“What did Sin say?” I asked.
“He isn’t saying anything. All he said was that you guys split.”
I swallowed as I got out of the bed and started to pace.
I exhaled slowly. “He um…cheated on me.”
It hurt all over again. Talking about it reopened the wound, like a knife to skin. It throbbed and burned in my chest.
“What?” Jordan exclaimed.
I held the phone tighter but didn’t answer.
“He cheated on you?” She was struggling to believe me.
“Yeah,” I sighed.
“Are you sure?” my friend asked. “This is Sin we’re talking about. I know he was a man whore before he met you but I just can’t believe that he would do that to you…he loves you. Anyone can see that he is head over heels in love with you.”
“I saw it Jordan. If I hadn’t seen it myself I wouldn’t have been able to believe it either.” I took a shaky breath.
If I hadn’t followed him I would still have no idea what he was doing. There were moments I had been weak enough to wish I had never discovered the truth but then the thought of being with him, sleeping beside him, loving him more and more each day while he was playing around with someone else made me physically sick.
“How did you find out?”
I told her the story. She was silent when I finished.
“Are you sure? Did you see them kiss?”
I sighed. “No. But when I questioned him after he got home he lied about it.”
“Maybe he might have an explanation for it?”
She was thinking, the same way I had.
“I confronted him.” I breathed deep. “He didn’t deny it Jordan. He wouldn’t have done that if it wasn’t true.”
“It doesn’t make any sense…”
She sounded as mystified as I felt when I first found out.
“Where are you?”
“Where?” She asked. “I want to see you.”
I wasn’t sure I wanted company but I gave her the name of the hotel.
“I’ll be over soon. Okay?”
I ended the call before I went into the adjoining bathroom and stared at my reflection. My hands threaded through my hair. I was a mess and I couldn’t let Jordan see me like this.
I knew I didn’t have long so I had a quick shower and washed my hair. It took all my strength to pull some clean clothes on and towel dry my hair.
There was a brief knock on my bedroom door.
It was my brother.
“Yeah,” I called out.
“Jordan is here.”
I took a steady breath before I opened the door and walked into the living room.
At the sight of my friend my lip trembled. She rushed over to hug me as I began to tear up.
“I’m so sorry,” she murmured.
I held her tighter.
After a long while I pulled away from her and brushed away my tears. I hate how weak I felt.
“I still can’t believe any of this is happening,” Jordan said as we both sat down on the sofa.
We were alone.
“I don’t know why he didn’t just break it off with me. To go behind my back like that…” I couldn’t even finished my sentence.
To think I had been sleeping with him at the same time he had been screwing around on me was too devastating to face.
I didn’t even know how I was going to face him to tell him about the pregnancy.
Jordan squeezed my hand. “It will be all right.”
That’s what friends told each other. There was no way she could know that. And besides it wasn’t true.
I was pregnant. No matter what had happened between Sin and I, our lives were joined together by the baby we would share.
Every time I thought about seeing him, my heart broke a little more.
Gone was the boy who I had fallen in love with. Now he was the man who had betrayed me and broken my heart. I could never forgive for forget what he had done.
There were some women who could forgive but I couldn’t. Every time I looked into his eyes I saw him with that other woman. I would never be able to trust him again and that meant I was on my own.
The only option was to raise the baby on my own. I wasn’t even sure if he would want to be involved.
“What did Slater say?” I found myself asking.
He knew him better than anyone else.
“He is having a hard time believing it. This isn’t Sin. There has to be another explanation.”
“If there was any other explanation he would have given it to me when I confronted him. I have to accept it no matter how difficult it is.” I sighed. “I have to move on and pick up the pieces.”
Jordan nodded. “You didn’t deserve this.”
I shrugged. No woman deserved it but what was done was done.