It was the panic that clawed inside of me. I was helpless, flailing. It darkness surrounded me as I held my breath, my lungs about to burst. But I was stuck. I tugged at the seatbelt but it held me prisoner. My heart raced. The darkness suffocating.

This was how I was going to die. This was the end.

Just before I let the breath from my lungs and sucked in the water I woke up.

I shot up in the bed gasping for breath as my lungs burned.

“Another nightmare?” Damien’s lazy voice asked across the darkness of my room.

I was still reeling from the nightmare and trying to catch my breath. Inhaling sharply I leaned over trying to ease the ache in my lungs.

“The same dream every night.” His voice closer.

I lifted my head to see him approach my bed as I steadied a hand to my chest. My free hand curled into a fist, while my mind tried to concentrate on the present and assure me that my nightmare was over.

But the sight of him with his fierce eyes set on me, was a stark reminder that I had awoken from one nightmare to be faced with another one.

“I can stop all of this Tessa.” His voice just above a whisper. “You won’t have to experience another moment of that fateful night, here or in your dreams.”

It was these moments, right after the nightmares where I was most vulnerable to his persuasion. His eyes flared and I swear I saw fire in their depths as he approached. I was still breathing hard but I was hypnotized by him. The way he drew me in with his words, his voice wrapping around me with a warmth that kept the cold reality at bay pulling me closer.

He stopped by the side of the bed, then he moved closer. His face just above mine, I couldn’t look away, even though I knew I was venturing down a dangerous avenue that could have life changing consequences. My strength waned, and in that moment I felt weak. I didn’t have the energy to fight him.

If I gave in I would not be tormented by the grief of loss. I had to fight the urge to give in and let it all go. I had fought for so long and I didn’t feel like I had could do it anymore. What was I fighting for? My life was filled with pain from the moment I awoke, even my dreams didn’t hold any peace for me. I was constantly reminded of what I had lost. The pain never weakened.

I inhaled. His eyes dropped to my lips, momentarily. The air between us was electric.

“Did you see them?” he asked, softly. I swear he was so close I could feel his presence.

He knew the answer to that question. It was a memory of what happened, just a snippet of what I could remember. But even in those brief memories I could see my family. They haunted me.

Emotion made it impossible to answer. I nodded. I couldn’t explain why I even answered his question. It was like he had a control over me I couldn’t explain in that moment.

“You miss them Tessa. I can see it in your eyes everyday, the pain of being separated from them is too much to bear some days.” His hand reached for me face but he didn’t touch me.

I held my breath as the emotion I had suppressed fought its way to freedom. My eyes burned and it took everything I possessed not to cry.

“I can see your pain, it’s in every breath you take. It’s there in every beat of your heart,” he said. “You think you hide it but it radiates from you like the sun, touching everyone around you.”

I swallowed hard.

“I know how difficult it is for you Tessa. Out of everyone in this world I get it. I see it in you every day.”

His eyes held mine. I wanted to give in, and let him take control, consequences be damned.

“I can show you them. I can give you that.”

Even though I knew better than to trust him, I wanted it more than anything. “Show me.” My voice barely a whisper.

“Close your eyes,” he murmured the command.

I closed my eyes, even knowing I was putting myself into a vulnerable position. I needed this.

The darkness swirled and I held my breath as light pierced it and expanded. In the light I could see three figures. As they neared there I recognized their features and my heart filled with both love and pain.

I wanted to reach out to touch them but they were just out of reach. No matter how much I tried I couldn’t get near them.

“Damien,” I said, frustrated that he was keeping them from me.

“Just say the word Tessa, and you can be with them.”

I knew he was lying. As much as I wanted to believe him, I didn’t.

My mother was smiling, her brown eyes sparkled with life. Her dark hair fell to her shoulders. She looked exactly the same as the day I had lost her but my last image of her was very different to what I was seeing now. I reached out to touch her but I couldn’t get close, it was frustrating. If I could just touch her, even for just a second. It would right everything in my world. Just a few feet away, could have been a vast canyon.

My little sister stood beside her, her small arm around my mom’s legs. She looked truly angelic with a bright blond hair in pigtails. Like my mother, she looked full of live. Her big blue eyes laughing.

It was the third figure in the background of my father that stopped me. There wasn’t the same brightness in him that I saw in my mother and sister.

His presence brought everything back and I inhaled sharply. The love and laughter from my mother and sister forgotten as our eyes held.

There was despair and a sadness that made it difficult to breathe. It spread through me smothering everything else.

He hung his head and it tore at me. His shoulders burdened with the responsibility he had brought on himself. It was difficult to feel sorry for him, it was hard not to feel anger.

“Remember them.” Damien’s voice broke through to me, pulling my attention from the lonely figure of my father to my sister and mother.

I wanted to be with them, more than anything in the world.

“You don’t have to be apart from them,” Damien’s voice continued.

I was feeling overwhelmed the pain of having lived without them for the last seven years. Every second, minute, day, year bundled into one long agonizing pain that sat in the middle of my chest making it difficult to take a breath.

“Let me take your pain away Tessa. Let me do that for you.”

Then Damien appeared, my family still in the background.

He stood dark in contrast to the surrounding light. He looked strikingly beautiful, his features perfect. At times it took my breath away.

His darkness began to creep toward me, shutting out the light as he reached out a hand to mine. I studied it. His palm open to me. All I had to do was put my hand in his and he would end all of this.

There was a part of me that wanted to believe him so badly but I stood unable to reach for him. Deep down I knew this was only a ploy to get what he wanted. He couldn’t give me any of this.

If I did give him, the pain I was experiencing probably wouldn’t be anywhere near the pain I would be subjected to where he wanted to take me.

“Tessa.” My name on his lips made me stare into his dark eyes.

I could feel his power envelope me, making it more difficult to see my family or the light. It was just the two of us in the darkness. It was warm and comforting but I knew better.

“You can’t have me Damien,” I whispered, trying to convince myself that I had the strength to stop him from completing his task.

“You can’t have my soul,” I added. His features changed from understanding to fury. His eyes glowed with fire.

“I will have you,” he swore. “You will be mine.”

His darkness smothered the air around me and it became more difficult to breathe but I refused to show him any fear.