I woke up with a start, my breathing heavy. It was light, the sun streamed into my room through the slightly open curtains. I touched my hand to my chest to calm my racing heart.

I didn’t know why I felt so out of sorts. I slipped out of my bed, taking in the familiar surroundings of my bedroom.

I felt bewildered, unsteady and I didn’t know why. Maybe it was a bad dream, or a nightmare. All I knew was that I was relieved…glad to be awake.

But the sense of trepidation that unfurled in my stomach I couldn’t explain. I listened intently for any sound to indicate I was not alone but there was nothing.

For some reason, one I couldn’t explain, I inhaled deeply before my hand turned my door handle and I peered out into the passageway.

The sound of activity from the kitchen increased my anxiety. I steadied my breath as I slowly made my way downstairs, taking each step slowly, listening intently to try and figure out who was busy in the kitchen.

By the time I made it to the kitchen doorway I still had no idea who I would discover.

I entered the room slowly. The sight of my grandmother sent relief through me and I sighed.

“Tessa.” My grandmother smiled.

I rushed to hug her. I couldn’t explain the need to hold onto her, unable to even consider letting her go.

My grandmother hugged me back, as if sensing my need for the action.

“You okay?” She asked softly.

I nodded, not certain I could respond without my emotions turning into tears. I swallowed hard and breathed her in. The familiar sent of flowers and spices calmed me.

I wasn’t alone. I had my grandmother. I had someone.

There was no way to explain my weird thoughts. Despite my relief I still felt anxious. What was wrong with me?

My grandmother patted my back gently. “Did you have a nightmare?”

I nodded as I pulled away. Maybe that was why u felt so out of place, and fearful when there was no obvious reason to feel that way.

She touched my cheek gently. “It was just a dream. Whatever you were dreaming about can’t harm you here.”

She made sense but I still couldn’t shake the emotions that kept me on edge. I released a shaky breath.

“You going to be okay to go to school?” she enquired as she studied me closely.

School. Of course.

“Yes.” I was breathless with a mixture of excitement and nervousness.

My emotions were all over the place and I couldn’t explain why I felt so at odds with myself. The idea of staying at home held little appeal.

I felt the need to get out the house and hopefully figure out a way to feel normal. I felt like anything but that.

“Then you better get ready. Joey will be here soon.”

Joey. For a moment I felt panicked. Then I remembered who he was.

“Remember he is giving you a ride to school because the insurance is still sorting out the paperwork to replace it. It might be another couple of weeks before we get the new car.”

It was then I remembered the accident.

I dared not ask any of my thoughts for fear my grandmother would think I was going crazy. I argued it was just the after effects of the nightmare that still remained like cobwebs in my mind, making it difficult to think or remember things.

“Go on,” my grandmother encouraged.

I nodded before going upstairs. It took me forever to find something to wear. Nothing felt right. I felt disjointed and unsure of myself. I was really starting to believe there was something truly wrong with me but no matter how much I tried to pin point why, I couldn’t.

It wasn’t just my mind set that didn’t feel right, the clothes I changed into felt just as uncomfortable.

I was a bundle of nerves when there was a knock at the door and I grabbed my school bag. Just before I opened the door I took a steady breath and released it.

“Hi,” I said when I swung the door open.

Joey stood smiling. It felt reassuring, like the warmth of the sun in a cold storm.

I smiled.

Our eyes held. I felt it in the middle of my chest, a strange feeling.

He was handsome, like I was seeing him for the first time. His eyes with the longest eyelashes I had ever seen. The line of his jaw to the long column of his throat. Wide broad shoulders. I swallowed. But what kept my attention was his mouth, his full lips.

I was suddenly having images of putting my mouth against his and kissing him. It took me by surprise. What was wrong with me?

It was obvious. I had it bad for him. This wasn’t a simple attraction, I wanted him.

“Morning Tessa.” His voice swept over me. I couldn’t look away even if I tried. I was transfixed on him.

He reached to take my bag and let him. He hitched it over a shoulder and headed to his car. I followed more nervous than before.

There was definitely something between us, it went beyond chemistry.

I stared at his broad shoulders as he opened the passenger door and set my bag inside before turning to me.

I hurried, feeling like I had got caught doing something I didn’t want him to know. Yet.

Avoiding his gaze I got into the car and busied myself with the seatbelt as he closed the door and jogged around the front of the car.

I clipped the seatbelt in when he got in the car and started it.

It was silent as he pulled into the street and started the drive to school.

I looked at his side profile and debated whether he could be someone I could open up about the strangeness I was feeling but I smothered that idea when he glanced at me and smiled.

The smile dipped my stomach and I was left trying to catch my breath. Damn. He was lethal. The assured look in his eyes confirmed he knew it.

I still wasn’t sure what we were to each other. All I knew was that he tied me up in knots when I was with him. It made me feel more alive. The feeling was scary and addictive. I wanted more.

All I could remember was he had broken up with his girlfriend and had offered to give me a lift to school and back because my grandmother’s car was still being fixed. I could have taken the bus but he had insisted.

When we got to school he walked me to my locker before heading off it his own. The entire day at school I felt like I was missing something. Something I couldn’t explain. It was the strangest thing and it made me feel more unsettled.

At lunchtime Joey sat with me. Conversation was awkward but we managed. It was like we were talking about everything but what was going on between us. But I wasn’t brave enough to say that, so I went along with it.

I felt too unsteady to take charge of anything. But I argued that if it was something Joey really wanted he would make the move.

I was still trying to piece together why I felt like I was missing something later that afternoon when Joey was driving me back home but even by the time he pulled up outside my house I was still no closer.

He sat quietly as I looked to my house. I should have thanked him for the lift and gone inside but I liked being in his company. He made me feel safe despite the chemistry between us that made me want things I had never wanted before.

“Thanks for the lift,” I murmured, having nothing else I was willing to say. I fiddled with my hands trying to keep my nervousness at bay.

He confused my thoughts and it was difficult to think straight when all I could do was feel so intensively. I wanted to kiss him and I imagined him kissing me back. My stomach dipped at the thought. I blushed and he smiled.

He reached up and touched my heated cheek. “A penny for your thoughts Tessa.”

I swallowed, our eyes held.