It was when Azael’s mouth spread into a whisper of a smile while his eyes stayed intently on me did I really fear what I had offered myself up for.

He turned his back on my father to move closer to me as if to inspect something with curiosity.

“You are quite the brave one Tessa,” he murmured softly.

I didn’t feel brave at all but I couldn’t allow my father to sacrifice himself. He may not have been the ideal father but he was the only one I’d ever had. For so long I had hated him for what he done to my family, instead of seeing the man who had been too broken for a harsh world. It made me see him in a different light and I couldn’t stand back and allow him to suffer, even if that entailed the same for me.

“Do you know what real pain feels like?”

I trembled but held firm. I would not break, I would not allow this dark soul to destroy me no matter what.

He neared and I did not move as his eyes slid down my face and he inhaled sharply, startling me. My heart raced and I held my breath.

“Perhaps you should experience it first before you so nobly sacrifice yourself for him.”

His long blacked finger reached out to touch my skin. The moment it made contact, the pain seared through me like a thousand knives. I dropped to my knees. “Uggh.”

“Stop,” my father yelled as he stood to his feet but did not approach.

Azael’s gaze swung but to my father, silencing any further protest.

Stitches appeared across my father’s mouth making it impossible for him to speak. I watched in horror and not being able to stop him.

“That should keep you quiet.”

My arm throbbed. There was a burn mark where he had touched me.

“You still want to take his place?” Azael asked and I wanted to say no.

The pain had been the worst I had ever felt in my short life time and even the thought of experiencing anything like that ever again made me want to be a coward. To admit I wasn’t strong enough.

It was the face of my father, agonized in my suffering that kept me from giving in. I held firm. I was not going to take the easy way out. That’s what had landed me up in this predicament. Being unable to fight for my life and giving up when I realized I was the only one who was going to survive. Before I had made the easier choice. It dawned on me that if I was ever going to stop the cycle it would have to be now.

Nothing in the last seven years had been easy and it was an example of what would happen now if I took the painless option. The weight of that choice would weigh on me longer, inflicting more pain. All be it not physical, but the emotional toll would devastate me.

I lifted my eyes to his. He seemed more powerful, bigger, stronger. It was like he fed off the pain and suffering, like it made him come alive. His eyes burned with ecstasy.

I nodded slowly, fearing my response would be inaudible.

“Perhaps that was not sufficient demonstration,” he said.

I bit my lip to stop myself from making a sound. I wanted to run and get away but I fought to keep still. Azael would only revel in my weakness if I didn’t go through this. It would haunt me, like Damien had for the last seven years.

I would not be weak, no matter how much it hurt.

The sound of my father trying to move brought my attention back to him. He couldn’t move.

There would be no one to step into to save me. There would be no guardian angel to swoop in to stop this. I had to save myself and to do that I had to do the right thing. I had to take responsibility for my actions. The blame for that no longer fell on the shoulders of my father. It was mine to own.

Despite knowing the pain I was going to be subjected to, the revelation I had just experienced was exhilarating. Somehow I just knew it was the right choice and with that came a synthetic calmness which did not fit in with the chaos of the scene.

“I warned you,” Azael said.

I bowed my head so I would not see the panicked despair in the eyes of my father as he fought to get free. My breath shaky as it burned my lungs. The surround heat was unbearable but I tried to shut it out so I could withstand what was to come.

It hit me all at the same time. The pain was so intense, the small taste he had given me before was a drop in the ocean compared to this.

I gasped as I collapsed to the floor, writhing in pain and screaming. But it did not stop.

I had made my choice, there was no changing it now. I couldn’t even think to cry out for help. The pain so horrific, it felt like my every inch of skin was melting away. There was no part of me free from the assault.

There was no enduring it. That would have meant some sort of control. I had none. I cried and screamed as the pain intensified that I prayed I would pass out and it would stop. But that didn’t happen.

Through my blurred vision as I saw Azael watching me with a fascination.

It felt like forever before the pain subsided as quickly as it had started.

I couldn’t move, my body felt like it was on fire. My skin looked perfect, despite the pain I had just experienced. There was no physical residue of it. Even trying to lift my head took too much energy. I lay exhausted, every part of me in still in the tight grasp of the memory of the pain.

“How was that?” Azael’s eyes gleamed with a deadly playfulness.

I couldn’t talk. My throat raw from screaming. Even swallowing was agonizing. Briefly I closed my eyes trying to take in what had experienced to rebuild the courage to go stick to my choice. If I gave up now, I would be staying in the cycle of not taking responsibility.

Even if it meant a forever of pain, I had to own it.

“Tell me to stop Tessa,” Azael whispered as he stood over me. Tall, and overpowering. His presence sucking all the surround air, making it more difficult to draw an agonized breath. “Just say the word and I will end this and you will not experience another moment of that pain.”

It was much more difficult now that I had experienced a taste of what lay before me if I went through with this. Maybe I was mad or maybe it was courage that drove me to remain silent. I would not tell him stop. I had made my choice and I would not allow him to break me.

This went far deeper than simply saving my father.

“You are willing to experience this type of pain to save him?” Azael seemed to be confused as to why I would do such a thing.

I nodded slowly, the pain still ached in every part of me and I was in no way ready for another assault of pain.

“You have made your choice.” Azael’s mouth curved into a a smile while he watched the pain return.

This time it didn’t hit me all at once. This time it was worse as it crept slowly from my lower limbs, spreading achingly slow inch by inch. I gritted my teeth but began to scream as the indescribable pain worsened as it moved within me.

Even if I changed my mind now there was no way to stop it. I couldn’t think, I couldn’t speak.

It was then the screaming started.

But this time it was worse, much worse. In the tight bind of pain I could feel the physical morphing of my body into something from the underworld.

I watched in horror as my skin began to draw closer to my bone, like my flesh was being drawn from my body. I screamed louder but there would be no reprieve. I had made my choice.