Parker appeared in the room, detracting me from the intense moment I was having with Damien. He had the worst timing ever. Damien pulled his hand from mine, distancing himself in more than a physical way. I had a feeling he was putting up an emotional wall between us.

I felt annoyed that something I had no control over seemed to putting a wedge between us.

Parker’s face was filled with trepidation and excitement. “How did it go?”

He was referring to my meeting with Joey.

“It went well,” I assured him.

He sighed with relief. “I was honestly afraid it wouldn’t go well.”

“It did.”

“I want details,” he said, reappearing on my bed.

I glanced at Damien. His face was stiff and unsmiling. I wanted to reach out and touch him, connect with him some way to show that the knowledge of who Joey was didn’t change how I felt for him. Whatever I felt for Joey didn’t weaken what I felt for the guardian angel who had saved me, even when it had been forbidden.

Damien’s eyes held mine as he vanished. I was left staring at the wall. Parker’s excited chatter in the background. He had been too excited about Joey to notice the strain between Damien and I.

“Come on Tessa.” He patted the space on my bed beside him.

I pulled myself back to the moment and to Parker, walking over to the bed to sit beside him.

“He took it well. Better than the last time.”

“Did he read my note?”

I shook my head. “I gave it to him. I’m not sure he is ready to read it just yet.”

Parker nodded, his eyes downcast.

“He misses you.” The emotion Joey had been struggling with had been visible to see.

Parker gave me a side glance. “I miss him too.”

They shared such a close friendship, I had never experience anything like that with anyone. The only person who had been there all the time had been Damien. And for the most part he had made my life horrible.

I didn’t like to think back to how it had been before between us. What mattered was what we shared now. I wouldn’t allow what Joey meant to me to jeopardize what I felt for Damien. Thinking back to how much time we had spent in hatred for each other, when it could have been like the way it was now held too much regret to think about.

“I shared some of the stories you told me with him.”

“So he knows this is legit?”

I nodded. “He does.”

“You know what I’ve learned through this.”

“What?”

I bet death was a steep learning curve. Nothing in my life had been easy since I had beat it seven years ago.

“I took things for granted when I was…you know…alive.” He sighed. “If I could go back.” He gulped down the emotion and I wanted to touch him but I couldn’t. “I would hold onto every moment like it was my last…you know.”

I nodded slowly.

“I was always wishing life away, counting down to something. And now I wished I had just stayed in the moment and appreciated what I had.”

Even though I wasn’t in the same position he was, I knew what it was like to long for what was gone and out of reach. After I had lost my family, I had yearned for every moment that they had lived. When they were gone, I held onto the only thing that remained. The memories of them.

It was true that you usually only truly appreciate something when it was gone. The air between us was heavy. There were no words to ease what he was dealing with.

“I’ve never had a friend like Joey,” I started to say, pulling him out of his deep reflection. “I saw the loss he was struggling with today. You might feel like you weren’t around long enough to leave a mark but trust me Joey will feel your loss for the rest of his life.”

I exhaled deeply. “Other than my family, I don’t think anyone would miss me.”

It made me feel sad.

“I do.”

His words hit me in my chest.

“We might not have had the years that I had with Joey but I feel a deep connection to you Tessa. Maybe it’s because of the things we have been through in the short time I’ve known you.”

My eyes softened. “I’m going to miss you. You’re like my only friend.” I gave a hollowed laugh.

But it hurt that in the short time I had not experienced a lot of close friendships like some kids would have by my age.

“Don’t be so hard on yourself. You will have more time. This isn’t the end,” he declared. But he couldn’t know that for sure. None of us did.

“I hope you’re right.” I released a deep breath, averting my gaze. The fear that we were battling the inevitable instead of making peace with it was what I struggled with.

Was I wasting what little I still had? Instead of spending the time with my grandmother I was fighting a losing battle.

“I wanted to believe that there is a chance but so far we only have to possible way around it.”

“What’s that?”

I exhaled. “Damien seems to think that if he can kill me and then bring me back it might remove the mark. Technically I would have died.”

He stared at me thoughtfully. “Do you trust him Tessa?”

I nodded. “With my life,” I expelled the words with complete trust in him.

He nodded. “Then why are we wasting time. We should try it straight away.”

Maybe it was the skeptical side of me, or the one that wanted to enjoy whatever last moments I had before the reaper reappeared but I had been putting it off. Or perhaps I had been hoping that Damien would figure out a less risky way for us to fix the mess I was in.

What if Damien couldn’t bring me back? What if it didn’t work?

Feeling agitated I stood and began to pace.

Parker’s gaze followed me in my restless state.

Then I stopped. “What was the one thing you would have done if you knew you were going to die?”

The plan wasn’t without risks and I needed to cover every scenario.

“I wish I had told the people I loved that I loved them one last time.” The column of his throat bobbed.

I swallowed the emotion his words evoked in me. “Thank you Parker.”

He frowned. “For what?”

“For being here with me. When you couldn’t have gone onto a better place you stayed and that means more to me than you’ll ever know.”

He gave me a smile. “You’re worth it Tessa. Don’t forget that.”

His words filled me with emotion. Slowly, he began to flutter before he disappeared entirely and I was left alone in my room filled with the need to prepare for the worst case scenario if Damien failed in bringing me back or if the reaper reached me before we had a chance to try and beat him.

Suddenly, I felt the pressing need to tell my grandmother how much I loved her but I couldn’t tell her without her asking questions I couldn’t answer. So I did the next best thing.

Alone, in my room and grabbed some paper and a pen. With my heart filled with love and sadness I wrote a letter to my grandmother.

I poured out my heart on paper, leaving her with no doubt to what she meant to me and how I wouldn’t have gotten through any of my hardships without her.

When I was done I folded the paper and found an envelope in the drawer of my desk. One the letter was safely tucked into the envelope I wrote my grandmother’s name of the outside of the envelope and placed it in the drawer. I was sure that if anything happened me she would eventually find it amongst my things.

I closed the drawer, my heart heavy. My outlook for my future bleak.

But at least I wouldn’t regret not telling my grandmother how much she meant to me. I didn’t want to think of the pain my death would cause her. I hung onto the words I had placed on the letter and hoped it would give her deal with my death if we failed.