I had to sit down after that revelation. Silas wouldn’t need me any longer and that was a hard blow to deal with.

“I’m sorry Avery,” Jude murmured, a little closer than where he had stood before.

I shrugged. “It’s probably for the best. I probably wouldn’t have survived another pregnancy anyway.”

I couldn’t imagine having to be forced to submit to Thane and it wouldn’t have worked. He probably would have killed me.

“Why would Silas fight the council on my behalf if I can’t bear anymore children?” I found myself asking. My mind still trying to process the fact that I would never have more children.

The only upside was no one could use me for that again. I had outlived my usefulness in that department.

Jude frowned at me. “You are his Sire Avery. There are reasons we have laws that prohibit a vampire from taking a possession from another. The two of you brought about the first set of vampire twins. It’s quite remarkable. I believe he cares for you.” He said it like he didn’t understand it at all.

I swallowed the emotion I felt. “I’m sure he will be happy with his wife.” The word wife was difficult say.

“You don’t get it. This is years of tradition we are dealing with. Tradition he is expected to uphold. He is too high up to simply do whatever he wants.”

It hadn’t occurred to me before.

“There are simply too many eyes on him for him to discard traditions that have been put in place to ensure the survival of our kind and our culture.”

“So what I would have been expected to stay in the background and just be happy I would have access to my children?” I shot back resentfully.

I hated all of this. The Vampires had taken whatever they wanted from me and anything they had left me with was tainted by them.

“Many male vampires keep their sires as mistresses.”

The pain I felt wasn’t just physical. It felt like someone had hit me in the chest, like my heart was splitting into two.

Could I do that? Could I share him with his wife? It would kill me slowly, each day, eating away at me until there was nothing left.

“Aren’t I lucky then?” I scoffed.

“It doesn’t matter Avery because Silas can never know that you are alive. Do you understand that?”

His eyes held mine.

“If no one cares about me why should I care about them?” I hated how I was the one who had to make all the sacrifices. When was it someone else’s turn?

“He cares for you, far too much to be able to make the best decision. If he finds out you are alive he will not stop until he finds you. And when he does he won’t let you go and he will bring you back, Vampire council or not. And then what do you think is going to happen?”

“I don’t know.” I shrugged.

“He has already made plenty of enemies with the whole Thane debacle. If you come back he will not allow the council to enforce our laws. It will shake the whole foundation of our civilization. He will have more enemies than allies. It will put him in a very difficult position.”

I hated the scenario he was painting.

“And that’s not to say that he might not be successful but there is no guarantee. Would you be willing to gamble knowing that you would be risking his life?”

My shoulders slumped. “No.”

But he already knew that.

“How will you be able to hide me?” I asked.

There was no point in entertaining a scenario that I wouldn’t dare allow so it was best to figure out what my next step would be.

Then I thought about the only factor that had kept me in line that the vampires had held over my head from the start. “What about my parents?”

I wouldn’t do anything that would endanger them either.

“There is no need to do anything with your parents as long as everyone continues to believe you are dead.”

Why did it feel too easy? I had been wishing for a way out and now that I had it in my reach I was reluctant to take it? It stemmed from my feelings for Silas, emotions he didn’t share.

“The only thing that could potentially put a spanner in the works is Thane and Talon but believe he would not dare endanger your life while he believes you can bear his children.”

Thane had been a problem for me from the beginning. He was the reason I had put before the council before. If he had not been so fixated on me then he could have gracefully accepted that Silas had wanted me for himself.

“Where would I go?” I asked.

I couldn’t just simply slip back into my human life. I still required blood and had no idea how to live outside of their world.

“There are Vampire networks that take in Sires who flee.”

It reminded me of the guy who had approached me. He had given me his contact details but I had left them behind at Silas’ house.

“This is not going to be easy Avery. And it won’t be successful if you do not play your part.”

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“Once you leave this place you must never return. Can you promise me that Avery?”

He was asking a lot but in return I would be ensuring the safety of my children and Silas. Thane was obsessive, who knows what he would do to to win. Besides I couldn’t spend day in and day out watching Silas with someone else. And I feared what would happen if I had to go in front of the Vampire council.

And that was enough for me to make the difficult choice.

“I promise Jude. I won’t ever contact Silas or the twins. But I need one thing before I leave.”

“What?” he asked.

“I want to see them Jude. Just once before I let them go.”

He frowned. “That might not be possible.”

“I’m willing to give them up, is it too much to ask that I just get to see them and hold them just once.” I swallowed the emotion in my throat. I didn’t know what they looked like, did they have their father’s dark hair. Would they have any of my features?

“I can get you a photo of the twins.”

I shook my head. “I know you’re going to a lot of trouble to do this for Silas and I don’t want to jeopardize it but I can’t leave without at least once being able to be with them Jude. You have to understand what it’s been like. One second I was pregnant and about to have them and the next I woke up being tortured by Talon.”

I paused, overwhelmed by the emotions I had shut down to survive.

“Just once Jude. I need at least that if I’m going to walk away.”

He studied me for a long while and I wasn’t even sure if he would agree to my request.

“I don’t know if I can arrange it Avery. Silas is very protective over them, as he should be but that means trying to find a way for you to be able to see them might me more difficult than you think.”

“You are a very clever man Jude. I know you’ll figure out a way for it to happen. Besides Silas trusts you. You will have access to them.”

He nodded. “I’ll need time to figure out a way. This whole thing could blow up in our faces if he discovers you are still alive.”

I understood the risks but to me it was worth it to be able to at least meet my children.

“I feel I need to prepare you for the fact that your children have grown a lot faster than human children do.”

I nodded. I understood that.

“I have to go but I’ll be back. Please do not do anything that would jeopardize what I’m trying to pull off. We only have this chance because of what happened to you. If we blow this, there won’t be a second chance.” He was being direct and honest.

It was one thing I appreciated with him. He didn’t beat around the bush or sugar coat things. He told you exactly how it was, whether it hurt or not.

“I won’t Jude. I have as much at stake as you do.” I wanted to ensure the safety of Silas and my children. That was more important than my happiness.