Ch8 Hard Pt2
I was stalling.
Even though I had the apartment and could move in anytime as well as the job I would start in a few days I had not confronted Sin.
Maybe it was the part of me that didn’t want to admit that whatever we had shared was over. It would be accepting that the man who I loved didn’t love me. It would be the end of us.
Each time I considered confronting I felt physically sick. It didn’t help that I was experiencing morning sickness pretty much all of the time and I found it difficult to keep food down.
I had yet to see a doctor but I had gotten myself some prenatal vitamins which I hid from Sin. I hadn’t even considered the possibility of telling him. The most important thing was confronting him over his deceit.
I kept trying to find the right time to confront him and one afternoon it did. Sin got back from a meeting and Jeff, who had been watching me left.
“How was your meeting?” I asked, not bothering to look up from the book I was reading on the sofa.
“It went well.”
Jealously burned inside of me like a hot sear to my insides. Had he really been in a meeting or had he met up with the other woman? There was no way to know for sure. I had tracked him to some business but I couldn’t be sure that it hadn’t been to meet with the woman or he had really been to a business meeting.
I hated how each time he left the house, I wondered where he was and what he was doing. It was slowly tearing me apart and I couldn’t do it any long.
“Who was the meeting with?” I asked. This wasn’t usually something I asked so I didn’t miss the lingering look from Sin.
“Some start up company,” he replied. Was he being vague so it was easier to lie about?
It was then I decided I couldn’t pretend for another day. I was done.
It was time to confront him. There was a part of me, the one who still believed in him, that hoped for an explanation that would explain it all innocently. I wanted to be the over dramatic fiancé who had seen more into an innocent meeting than there was. That was what I secretly hoped for even when I knew it wasn’t likely.
It was the naive part of me that couldn’t accept he didn’t want me anymore. Or maybe it was because he was so good at showing he cared even when he didn’t. There was no really way to tell.
I closed the book I had been reading and set it down on the sofa before crossing my arms.
Sin shrugged out of his jacket and folded it over the back of a chair.
It was now or never. I would finally confront him and find out the truth.
“Why have you been lying to me?” I asked the question, knowing I wasn’t ready for our relationship to end but knowing it would slowly destroy me if I didn’t confront him with what I had discovered.
He stilled. “What are you talking about?”
I studied him, trying to read what wasn’t plainly evident but there was nothing.
“You’ve been lying to me and I want to know why.” I made the statement without allowing the hurt and anger to drip from my voice.
I was trying to keep this as calm as possible, knowing getting upset wouldn’t be good for the baby.
“I have no idea what you’re talking about Taylor.”
I stood, watching him closely to read him as I revealed what I had discovered.
“I never suspected a thing you know. I was so trusting because I loved you. But was I stupid, naive.”
He moved to close the gap between us but I held my hand up to him to stop. I couldn’t let him touch me.
I gave a hollowed laugh. “I was so naive to believe that love meant something, you know.” I sounded so bitter.
“I do love you,” he made the heartfelt declaration but I was shaking my head at him.
“If you loved me you wouldn’t have lied about having a meeting with Slater when he wasn’t there.”
Sin pressed his lips tightly closed as his gaze held mine.
“That’s what made me suspicious and that’s why I decided to follow you the next time you went to a meeting.”
There was no emotion in his features.
“I saw you with the woman at the motel Sin.”
His features remained stone like still, revealing nothing.
I was hoping and praying he would give an explanation, an innocent one that would free me from the personal hell I had lived in for the past few days.
“Who is she?” I asked, directly when he remained quiet.
With each second of his silence the weight of my suspicion pressed on my chest. If he wasn’t denying it, or trying to explain it that meant it was true.
“Oh my God,” I murmured, when his lack of response confirmed what I had suspected.
My mind spun. I had to steady myself with a hand to the back of the chair to not waver. My perfect life was unravelling and there was nothing I could do stop it.
“Why?” I whispered, on the verge of tears but trying my best not to cry.
His dark stare held mine but he never said a word. He didn’t try and explain it away or confirm, or offer any information. Simply, he stood before me and did nothing.
This was not how I had expected it to go.
“I at least deserve some sort of explanation, don’t I?” I walked up too, to look him straight in the eye.
But he did nothing. Nothing.
My heart cracked open and tears gathered in my eyes. “Why?”
Had it been me?
“Was I not…enough?” My voice broke slightly as I touched my chest.
I held his gaze, hoping for some sort of response but I got nothing, only cold silence.
“Answer me?” I yelled, my emotions in full force.
I put my hands on his chest to push him to give me some sort of answer but instead my hands curled into his shirt, holding on tight. Subconsciously I didn’t want to let him go.
The truth was I still loved him, so much I still couldn’t envision a life that didn’t include him. I wanted this to be some sort of bad dream that I would wake up from and be relieved that it hadn’t been real.
But there was no waking up.
“Say something,” I whispered hoarsely. Tears began to stream down my face.
Sin bowed his head slightly. “I’m sorry.”
Two simple words confirmed every accusation I had hurled at him.
The anger that had kept me going seemed to evaporate and all I was left with was heartache and hurt.
I released his shirt and he lifted his eyes to meet mine. I backed up a step. There was pain in the depths of his beautiful eyes which only made things worse. I took another step back, putting more space between us.
I crossed my arms and held onto any sense of dignity I still possessed.
“I want you to leave.”
He seemed to hesitate before he reached for his jacket.
I watched as he shrugged it on and went to the door. But he stopped to look back at me over his shoulder.
I hated how I still loved him so much when he had cheated on me. Was I so stupid to still want someone who didn’t want me?
He gave me a long look, it was filled with longing, despair and pain. Then he opened the door and left.
I don’t know how long I stood there staring at the closed door.
All the hope that I’d unknowingly held onto evaporated and I was left with the hard reality that the man I loved didn’t love me. And he had cheated on me.
I collapsed into nearby sofa and felt my body begin to shake. The tears came as well as the sobbing. I cried for the future we wouldn’t have.
A tiny little life would still link us but I couldn’t think about that right now without feeling my heart split into two. Somehow I had to keep myself together so I could do what I had to.
With slumped shoulders I went into the bedroom. I didn’t know how much time I had before Sin returned but I had to get out there was quickly as possible. I couldn’t face him again.