I wanted to stop time. I wanted to keep this moment forever. Leaning against the wall I studied the man who slept peacefully in my bed.
The man who owned my heart, who had shown me to view the world with different eyes when I had seen the worst. He had shown me what is was to live to look at each day with excitement and optimism instead of hesitation and anxiousness.
I released an emotional breath, trying to stave off the fear of what I could lose now. He was so important, so fundamental in my life I didn’t know if I could do it without him. It was an irrational fear with no basis but that didn’t lessen the intensity of it.
I had come a long way from the innocent girl who had been determined to live my life to the fullest. There was no way to know it would have led me to this man who ensured I knew how much he loved me every day, be it an affectionate kiss or setting me on fire at night with his body. It made me unable to remember a time he hadn’t been a part of my life.
I wanted to savor the moment where he slept peacefully and I studied him at my leisure. The sheet only cover him up to his waist. I swallowed. Surely, it wasn’t possible to want him so much still after all this time. The tattoo sleeves and pierced mouth made me shiver with anticipation. To have his arms against my pale skin, to have his mouth on mine. Exactly the way he had last night made, it made me want more. I wanted every night with him. I wanted them all, every night for a life time.
The engagement ring on my finger filled me with emotion. It reminded me of his commitment to me and to our future.
This was a man who hadn’t been able to tell me he loved me for months after we finally got together. He never rushed into things, instead he took his time but when he meant it, you knew he meant it without any doubts.
Despite my confidence in our future I still couldn’t shake the doubt that stemmed from past, perhaps it was because I knew not every story ended with a happy ending.
My parents murder when I was younger ensured fear hung on the edge of my happiness waiting to take hold in a weakened moment.
I couldn’t stop the fear from creeping in. The fear that something would happen to take it all away from me. The last time I could remember being happy was before my parents had been murdered when I was nine.
“You stalking me again?” Sin’s deep voice pulled me out of my pessimistic thoughts and back to the present. The man I had been admiring was awake.
His eyes lingered on mine and there was a whisper of a smile. My heart skipped a beat and I had to remember to breathe. After all this time he could spin my world with one look.
“It’s not stalking when you love me,” I replied as I walked to the bed. I wore a night shirt with nothing underneath.
He chuckled. “You sure about that?” He issued the challenge.
I crept onto the bed as his hands went to my hips as I straddled him and leaned closer, my lips above his leaning against my hands flatted on either side of his head.. “I’m very sure.”
He lifted up to seal his mouth against mine. All thoughts flitted away with the touch of his lips on mine. It only took moments from the kiss to turn into something deeper, his hands held my hips against his growing arousal. I ground myself against him, I ached for him like I had for the first time.
He rolled me over onto my back and shifted my legs apart to settle between them. His kiss was long and toe curling. I threaded my hands through his hair, feeling the intensity of the of what we shared, physically and emotionally.
I wanted to lose myself in him, in how he made me feel. He shut out everything but his steady heart beating against mine. When my world spiraled he anchored me. He was my calm in the middle of a raging storm.
It had been a year since I had been kidnapped. While my physical wounds had healed the emotional scars remained.
I knew the man who had been responsible for it was locked away but that didn’t chase away the nightmares or the fear that someone could cause me harm. Or worse. Hurt the people I loved.
I tried my best to block out the thoughts, knowing that it could lead to a full blown panic attack.
Sin felt the change in my mood instantly. He cradled my face brushing his thumb against my lip. “You okay?”
I inhaled a deep breath before counting in my mind until ten as I exhaled. It was a way to try and pull myself back when the panic clawed up inside of me.
He brushed his fingers against my face and closed my eyes trying to hold onto the sensation his touch created in me.
“You want to talk about it?” he whispered softly.
I opened my eyes. “I can’t explain it.”
He shifted to lie beside me as I stared up to the ceiling wishing I had my shit together but knowing that I would always bear some of the scars of my past no matter how much therapy I did.
“You were restless last night,” he murmured. His finger trailed down my arm, I shivered.
I didn’t want to remember the nightmares and I didn’t want to talk about them. I had experienced two traumatic events that had shaken my world. But even when it felt like I couldn’t overcome the past I had to remember I had allowed it to bring me to my knees.
I stared into his eyes fighting the emotion that bubbled to the surface. My eyes began to water. I didn’t want to cry, I didn’t want to be weak.
He leaned to kiss the tear from my the side of my face. “You’re good Tay. I’m here with you.”
I swallowed the emotion. How I had gotten so lucky?
I let out a shaky emotional breath. His hand settled on my stomach and he bowed his head beside mine. I inhaled him as I tried to smother the feelings that threatened to overwhelm me. His presence kept me from drowning beneath my fears and grief.
His lips touched my cheek. I closed my eyes.
“I love you,” he murmured softly.
I swallowed the lump in my throat. “I don’t know…”
He lifted his eyes to meet mine. “Don’t know what?”
I took a breath and released it. “I don’t know what I would do without you.” I hated when I felt needy, it felt like a weakness most guys would run from. But Sin faced it straight on without even a hesitation.
“That won’t ever happen Tay. I’m not going anywhere.”
Sin didn’t say things to appease people. When he said something he meant it. I could count on it, like the sun rising in the morning. He was solid in a world where nothing else was.
“I don’t know what I did to deserve you,” I whispered.
“It was the mini skirt,” he teased and I laughed, loving how he had a way of turning an intense moment into something light.
He knew how to bring me out of the darkness with an ease that went beyond the short time we had been together.
I looked up to him and I felt my heart fill with the emotion I felt for him.
“If you wore it more often I would not complain.” He smiled, that sexy kind that made me very aware of the way his hand touched my mid drift.
He had a way of making me feel like the most desirable woman and the most loved.
“I thought you liked me naked.”
“I do,” his voice was thick. He sighed. His hand tightened on my waist.
He kissed me and I savored it. I knew how lucky we were to be together. There had been more than a few times that I hadn’t believed we would go the distance but here we were.