I don’t know how long I had been in the passage when the door opened and the light streamed in to reveal Angel in the doorway. The play on lighting made him look like some sort of guardian Angel.

“Kira?” he said when he approached me slowly like he would a frightened animal.

He bent down to level his eyes with mine. I didn’t know what to say, I had no words to explain what I had seen. He reached out and touched my cheek gently. He looked tired.

“Bruno?” My throat felt so dry as I waited for his answer.

“He is fine. The doc is busy stitching him up. None of the bullets hit any organs.”

It was unbelievable, Bruno was going to be fine. It had to be some sort of miracle, surely. Just the amount of blood he had lost should have been enough to put him in a very grave condition.

“But there was so much blood.”

He nodded. “Let me take you upstairs,” he said softly.

I nodded and he helped me to my feet. The young man who had given me the sugar water hovered just inside the study.

“I’ve got her Jack” Angel said and Jack nodded. He closed the entrance to the passage as Angel led me to the doors.

I stopped when I realized where he wanted to go. “I can’t go back out there.” I shook my head, and felt like I was going to go into a full blown panic attack.

He took me by the shoulders. “It’s been cleaned up.”

I breathed deeply, fighting against the panic to turn in the opposite direction.

“I’m going to open the door and we are going to head straight to the stairs. Okay?”

I nodded slowly, trying to keep my panic at bay. He put his arm around me and held me close as he opened the door. I concentrated on following his lead and each step I took. I kept my gaze fixed straight ahead, trying to avoid anything that could set me off again.

My relief was palpable when we made it to the landing and then he surprised me by leading me to his room and not mine.

But I still too shaken to question him. For the first time I could remember I allowed him to take control which I never thought I would ever do but these were extenuating circumstances.

“I got to shower. Are you going to be okay here for a little while?” he asked as began to unbutton his shirt.

My eyes were fixed on the dry blood mark on his face and the blood stains on his shirt. I breathed through the thought that he was covered in someone’s blood.

I nodded. “I’m fine.” That wasn’t the complete truth but I couldn’t stand to see Bruno’s blood on him. I tried not to think about the sight of the pools of blood on the kitchen floor.

He studied me for several seconds. “You’re not going to disappear as soon as I turn my back?” Clearly he believed I was still a flight risk.

“I won’t.” I felt safe with him. It was on the tip of my tongue but I didn’t say it.

“I won’t be long. Make yourself comfortable.”

I watched him head to the adjoining bathroom and he closed the door. I heard the shower start.

I looked around his room. The last time I had been his room had been the night I had tried to seduce him, it reminded me of my fledgling feelings for him and how swiftly he had crushed them.

I had no idea what time it was but I felt so tired. The adrenaline that had carried me through everything had waned and I was left exhausted. My eyes went to the inviting pillows. He said I could make myself comfortable. I lay down on his bed and allowed my head to sink into a fluffy pillow. I lay on my side listening to the sound of the water running.

I stared across the room when I heard the water stop. A few minutes later Angel appeared with a towel wrapped around his waist. Droplets dropped from his wet hair.

“You okay?” he asked softly.

I wanted to tell him I was fine but I couldn’t. The thought of being on my own tonight scared me a little.

“I’ve never…seen anything like that and I’m not sure I can be alone tonight,” I admitted, unsure of how he would handle that. I hated being needy.

“You can sleep here with me.” There was only gentle understanding.

“Thank you.” I was relieved he wasn’t going to make me go back to my room.

He headed into the walk in closet I moved beneath the covers. He returned dressed in a pair of boxer shorts.

He got into the bed with me and lay on his back. Then he switched the light off. I wanted to move closer but I didn’t.

“You shouldn’t have seen what did you tonight.” His tone was clipped, like in some way he was angry with me for going downstairs.

There was no going back and wiping my memory clean. I had seen it and I had to deal with it somehow. I wasn’t sure if he was concerned about what I saw because I saw too much or because he cared that it had upset me so intensely. With him, I couldn’t tell.

“What happened?” I asked. Who had shot him?

“It’s better if you don’t know.”

I lifted myself up onto my elbow. “You have to let me in. If I’m going to share this life with you, you can’t shut me out.”

We might not be in love but if we had any chance this marriage working we had to be able to trust each other because without that we had nothing.

He pressed his lips together for a moment. “This is never going to be a conventional marriage Kira, we don’t need love or trust. There will always be things I cannot share with you, it’s to protect us both.”

He didn’t trust me. I could sense it. Is that how he had stayed in power for so long, being selective over the people he trusted? He trusted James but not me. I didn’t like how that made me feel and I don’t why I cared so much about it either. Maybe it was because I trusted him in a way he couldn’t seem to trust me.

“Over the next week I want James to go through all the security measures in place. So the next time something like this happens you wont see it.”

I frowned. “What do you mean?”

“I don’t want you near any of this. If you hear anything suspicious you are to go straight to the panic room under no circumstances do you go and investigate. Do you hear me?”

I trembled. “Why?”

“It’s to keep you safe.”

“What if it had been you shot tonight?” I asked, not liking the idea of something like that happening to him although there were a few times I had wanted to throttle him.

“It doesn’t matter, who it is. You do as you’re told.”

His wording rubbed me completely the wrong way and I could feel myself bristle in retaliation.

“So I’m just supposed to be this obedient wife that just does as she is told without asking any questions?” I couldn’t be near him, I was too afraid I would slap him so I climbed out of the bed.

“Kira. Where are you going?” he asked.

“Where there are no chauvinistic pigs!” I threw at him as I opened his bedroom door and left, making sure to slam him door shut. He had to know how angry he had just made me.

My temper outweighed any remaining fears that would keep me a minute longer in his company.

Back in my room, I slammed the door closed. Hoping he could hear it too. And paced. I was so mad I wanted to hit something.

“Ugh,” I said out loud to get rid of the frustration of having to deal with someone so set his ways there was so room to negotiate with him.

What had I got myself into? I was going to have a husband who was just going to treat me like some weak person who couldn’t handle anything. Although I hadn’t exactly handled what I had witnessed today well but that didn’t mean I couldn’t handle anything.

I would find a way to toughen up. This was my life now and I had to adjust accordingly. I would show him I was not damsel in distress, and that I could look after myself.

I was disappointed that I hadn’t handled tonight well but I was going to show him the next time I could handle anything his gangster life could throw at me. My determination was stronger than any weakness I felt.

This would be a battle and I was ready for fight.

I couldn’t spend my life with someone who couldn’t see the courage I knew I had. I didn’t want someone to protect me or keep me safe. Those were things I wanted to be able to do for myself.

Tomorrow I would show him.

The next day I approached James as he was leaving Angel’s study.

“Hi James,” I said nervously, unsure of how to approach him. It wasn’t like I hadn’t grown up with him around but I found he wasn’t the most approachable person.

He had the greenest eyes I had ever seen but they were like crystals sharp and cool. His black hair was always neatly cut and he always wore the same color suit. He was a creature of habit.

He was one of the few men that worked for Angel that was calculated and cold, frighteningly so. He was never emotional and the type of guy you wanted on your side in stressful situation. Even last night while everyone was under stress he had performed like a surgeon, clinically. The only other occupations I could have seen him thrive in would have been as a surgeon or hit man. I could see why Angel depended on him so much. And he was trustworthy. Like Angel and I, he had grown up in the family as well. His father had worked for Angel’s father. His loyalty Angel was without question.

“Kira,” he greeted me, his eyes lifting momentarily from the document he held.

“I need a favor James.” I wasn’t sure if he would help me but out of the all the people I knew he had the skills I was looking for.

“What type of favor?” he asked, he closed the paper and held it in his right hand.

“I need someone to teach me how to handle a gun. And I need some basic skills on how to defend myself.” This was all part of my plan to make myself stronger for the life I had been handed.

He studied me. “I’m not sure Angel would be okay with that.”

Usually, I would have told him I didn’t care but I didn’t believe that would help persuade him. He admired Angel, anyone who saw them together could see that. They had grown up together, they had been friends and now they worked together.

My brother had been close to both of them but when he had gone into law enforcement, any friendships had even severed.

“I need to be stronger James. How long do you think I’ll last if I don’t find a way to adapt? While you’re trying to save a man’s life I stood clutching the wall trying not faint. I was no help to anyone, in fact I was a distraction you guys could have done without.”

He studied me. He couldn’t disagree with me.

“You know I’m right,” I pleaded with him, hoping I had said enough to sway him.

“I have a busy schedule Kira,” he said, and I felt like he was about to turn me down.

“I’ll do whatever you need me to. I’ll get up earlier if that works for you. Please James.” I reached out and touched his arm. “I feel like if I don’t get this right I won’t survive.”

He frowned looking down to where I was touching him and I immediately withdrew my hand.

“Is it so bad that I’m trying to make myself more useful. What if something happens and I could have done something but I couldn’t because I don’t know how to handle a gun. We live in a dangerous time James. I need to know how to protect myself. I can’t just run and hide when something happens.”

“Four o’clock,” he stated.

“Four o’clock?” I questioned, unsure of what it meant by that.

“You meet me by the front door at four in the morning and I’ll teach you.”

I have never woken up early in my life before but I was prepared to do anything to learn what I needed to. I felt relieved I had managed to talk him around. “Thank you James.”

“This isn’t going to be easy so you might want to hold off the thanks.” With that he walked away.

I felt some sense of satisfaction that I was to learn some value that would help me show my husband to be I was more capable than he thought.

I managed to avoid Angel until he came looking for me while I was sorting out my wardrobe. A lot of the clothes I had didn’t fit and I was packing them away so I could donate them. I would have to do some shopping for new clothes.

“We have some decisions to make concerning the wedding,” he said.

“Shouldn’t you have knocked?” I asked without stopping what I was doing. My voice was tight and unwelcoming.

“I own this house,” he bit back and I shook my head.

“This is my room and I expect you to knock, like I would before I entered yours.” He had his space and this was mine. He had to respect it.

“You’re spoiling for a fight, aren’t you?

“No, I’m not. I just expect you to respect my boundaries.”

There was silence.

Then he moved to pull me to my feet by my wrist.

“Let go,” I said, trying to get myself free of his grip but he yanked me out the closet.

“I’ve had enough of this.” He let me go and I rubbed my wrist, still feeling the impression of his hold.

“Stop manhandling me.” I stamped my foot, feeling frustrated.

“You are going to be my wife soon, start acting like one.” He was angry and I faltered, taking a step back.

“And how am I supposed to do that when you treat me like I can’t think for myself? Like I’m some airhead that is only here to play a part and other than that you just want to lock me away. I’m a person Angel. My life is not my own anymore. My father made a decision that took every chance I had to lead my own life. I have to marry you but that doesn’t mean I have to give up who I am.”

“I have the responsibility of all the men who work for me. I don’t need you to make my job harder.”

“What are you talking about?” He wasn’t making any sense. How was I making it more difficult for him?

“If I have to worry about you in stressful situations it makes it harder to focus on what I need to. I have to know if something happens you’re safe. Is that so terrible of me?”

I stared at him. “I didn’t..know that was the reason you wanted me to…”

“So can you just do what I ask?”

“What if we try find a compromise?” I ventured, hoping he would meet me in the middle.

“Until you can show me you can handle yourself in a stressful situation you have to promise to go straight for the panic room at the first sign of danger.” He lifted an eye brow at me.

It wasn’t exactly what I wanted but he was trying and that made me nod. He was at least meeting me halfway.

“So maybe it’s time for someone to show me where the stupid panic room is?” I crossed my arms.

He smiled.

He led me to my ensuite bathroom. In the shower what looked like an ordinary tile he pushed and the wall of tiles opened like a door.

“That’s crazy,” I murmured, as I stepped into the small room. It has some supplies like food and a friday and a small bed. And a toilet and basin.

“Once you’re inside here you lock yourself in.” He showed me how to work the digital keypad.

“As soon as it’s locked no one will be able to get in without you unlocking the door.” He gave me the codes to close it and to open it.

“Are you going to remember all of this?”

I nodded.

“How long could I last in here?” I asked, hoping I would never have to use it. It was a bit claustrophobic.

“A few days.”

“How will I know it’s safe to come out?” Just talking about this type of scenario made me nervous but I reminded myself it was just a precaution. I may never actually need to use it. That made me feel a little less anxious.

“You don’t come out until I come and fetch you.”

“What if something happens to you?” I asked, not wanting to think that something could happen but I had to be realistic.

“James will come get you if I can’t.”

I nodded, trying not to let the thought that it could happen rattle me. I rubbed my wrist where he had grabbed me and his eyes caught it.

“Did I hurt you?” he asked, taking my wrist to have a better look at it.

There was a slight bruise.

“It’s nothing,” I brushed it off.

He hadn’t meant to hurt me.

“I’m sorry. I just can’t seem to keep my control where you’re concerned.”

He was always in control, I think I liked the fact that I could push him out of it. It was only fair when he could push me to my limits with a off hand comment and I found myself thinking about him more often than I wanted to admit.

And out of all the people in my life, family included, he seemed to care about me more than anyone else.