I put one foot in front of the other and made it to my room without allowing anyone to see how shaken I was. Bruno. In my empty bedroom I sank down onto the bed, feeling teary eyed.

I was stunned. Maria had revealed more. She had spoken of her sadness at discovering Bruno had died the night he had been shot. While I had been walking around oblivious, they had held a small funeral.

Why had Angel lied to me? Why would he do that?

I brushed the tears away, too angry to feel sad. Why? He wasn’t here to confront and I needed a way to deal with the turmoil inside. I wanted to hurt something, to take my anger out on something. Then I had the oddest thought that made me go into the bathroom to splash some water on my face before I headed downstairs.

The one thing I had ensured when I had taken part in the sessions with James, I had remembered the codes of doors and all I wanted to uncharacteristically do was shoot a gun. It was the only thing that I thought would rid me of the anger and sadness that seemed to be suffocating me from the inside.

Luckily there wasn’t any guards when I approached the door to access the shooting range. I made a quick survey of the immediate area and when I realized there was no one to see me I keyed the code I had seen James input and the door opened. I crept inside and closed the door.

My breath was heavy, each breath filled with a mixture of grief and betrayal. I had trusted Angel when he had told me Bruno had made it and now I felt like I would never be able to trust him again. Then my thoughts went to the big giant who had always greeted me with a friendly smile. I hated that one of the last times I had seen him, I had gotten him into trouble with Angel. It only worsened the guilt I felt and headed to where I knew James kept some hand guns.

I might not be the best shot but thanks to his training I knew how to load the gun and check the safety. There was already sheet of target waiting for me. I aimed the gun and pulled the trigger. The sound echoed as I breathed through the pain that felt like it was breaking open my chest. Tears blurred my vision and I lowered the gun as I whimpered.

A new feeling took hold, wiping everything else away. I wanted revenge, I wanted to see the person who was responsible for Bruno’s death to feel my anger. Had Angel taken revenge? A life for a life?

I had never been violent but in that moment I could have done anything to make up for the death of someone who had probably been too good for the life he had lived. He had deserved so much better than what had happened to him.

Then I remembered the man James had beaten up. The one who I had wondered what he had done to deserve the clinical wrath of James. I had the wildest thought. Could it have been him?

There was nothing rational about my thought process as I considered what to do next. If anyone had revealed me capable of what I was feeling I would have told them they were wrong. But here I was putting the safety back on the gun before I slowly made my way to the exit with the gun with me.

What I was contemplating was crazy? But no logical reasoning could stop me. There was nothing rational about the emotions tearing me up inside. Maybe if I had stopped I would have been able to calm myself down enough to reconsider. But I didn’t.

With each determined step I made my way to the only thing that I hoped would give me what I needed the most at that moment.

Revenge.

When I reached the door there was no guard outside. I keyed the code and the door clicked open. Slowly, I walked in unsure of exactly I was going to do but knowing I would not back down. Bruno deserved better. All I had to do was remember his blood pooling on the white tiles of the kitchen to push me forward. I entered the room and looked through the two way mirror. It was empty except for a metal table and chair.

Could they have taken care of the man already and I was here searching for nothing?

I retreated back to the hallway but instead of giving up and leaving I made my way to the next door on the opposite side. Maybe they were keeping him in another room. When I reached the door I realized it had a code. Could the same code I used for the entrance door be used for this door? There was only one way to find out.

But first I removed the gun from the back of my waist and I removed the safety. I tightened my hand on the gun as I keyed the code in and waited. It clicked open. Slowly, I opened the door and lifted the gun.

There was a guy seated on a mattress with his back against the wall. He lifted his bloodied face as I entered the room.

He didn’t seem to be afraid at the sight of me with a gun. That should have unsettled me but I was too consumed with emotion to take that in.

“Who are you?” I asked, feeling the adrenaline spike in my veins. The hand that held the gun shook slightly.

“You should know, sweetheart.” I hate how his voice lingered on the last word, making it sound more like an insult than an endearment.

“Don’t call me that,” I said, feeling like I was way in over my head but I wasn’t going to back out now. I had come too far.

I was going to see this through.

“Tell me who you are?” I asked again.

He lifted an eyebrow at me. His face was bruised with dried blood.

“It doesn’t matter, I don’t need to know your name.” I changed my mind. Maybe it would be easier to take his life if he was just a bad man without a name. A name would personalize him and that was the last thing I wanted.

“Tell me why you are here?” My tone was brisker, hoping this time he would answer. I needed the truth.

“Why don’t you know?” he asked, as he stood and I stepped back. He was a foot taller than me and for the first time I felt unsafe.

“Stay where you are or I’ll shoot,” I warned him, trying to give him the illusion that I was in control when my hand was shaking as well as my resolve.

“I bet you’ve never shot anyone.” His tone was menacing and for the first time since I had entered I questioned whether this had been a good idea. I was quickly realizing I was out of my depth.

“Did you shoot him?” I asked, needing to know if it was him. If it was I could recapture the anger that had brought me here and finish the job.

“I’ve shot a lot of people. You’re going to have to be more specific than that.” He stepped closer.

“I will shoot you.” On the outside I might have seemed harmless but he had no idea what was coursing through my veins.

His eyes slid over me.

I aimed the gun slightly away from him and pulled the trigger.

That seemed to show him I was serious and he faltered a step, putting his hands up.

“Did you shoot Bruno?” I asked, finally.

His eyes went to the weapon I held and I knew he was trying to figure out if he could take me. Then his eyes lifted to mine and I saw his answer.

All my grief and anger came barreling all at once.

“You don’t deserve it live. You know that?” I held so much hatred, more than I possibly believed a sole person could carry.

For the first time his confidence seemed shaken. His eyes darted from the gun to the open door.

Did he think he could get away? The truth was I was terrible shot and if I missed who knew what he would do.

“On your knees,” I commanded. My eyes began to tear up and I swallowed hard.

He had been the one to take the life of the friend I witnessed suffer and I was here to take the revenge that would balance the taking of Bruno’s life.

Not once in all my twenty one years had I believed I was capable of taking another person’s life but in that moment for the first time I knew I could.

Slowly, he lowered himself to his knees and I stepped closer.

“I want you to know that you don’t deserve to take another breath.”

Then I heard what sounded like the grounds alarms. Angel’s security would be mobilizing but I didn’t know if it was an outside threat or if I had set some sort of silent alarm.

If I was going to do it I had to do it before someone came to stop me.

I stared at the man who had taken Bruno’s life and I held the gun only a few feet from his head. I wanted to be able to pull the trigger and watch his life seep away like Bruno’s had. A tear slid down my cheek and I wiped it away.

“Put your hands at the back of your head,” I told the man I was about to shoot. I had watched enough tv shows to know that if his hands were above his head it would be harder for him to try something.

“Please don’t do this,” the man pleaded. His voice broke, but it didn’t break my resolve.

I shook my head. “Don’t. Don’t say a word.”

My hand shook so bad I put by other hand beneath it to steady it. I pulled the trigger and the gun lifted. I missed my target and hit the wall behind him. If my shooting had been better he would have been dead.

“Please, please don’t do this,” he begged, the panic clear in his voice.

I didn’t want to hear it. I wanted him to remain the enemy, the man who had taken a life I had valued. Briefly I hesitated, I didn’t want to see him as a person.

This wasn’t going the way I had expected. My hands shook. I expelled a nervous breath, trying to build the courage to do what I had to.

The man lifted his head, his eyes filled with tears. He was scared.

I wanted to pull the trigger and finish what I started, I wanted it more than I wanted the air in my lungs but I hesitated.

“Kira.” The familiar voice washed over me, making the hairs on my skin stand up.

Angel stood in the doorway. James beside him. They took in the scene. I had run out of time.

“No,” I said shaking my head, determined. I wasn’t going to stop. I wasn’t going to let them interfere.

Angel held his hands up and took a step closer. “Give me the gun, Kira.”

“No,” I yelled. My throat was sore, more tears gathered. “You lied.”

There hadn’t been any time to work through the betrayal I had felt. What possible reason could he have had to keep the truth from me?

I fixed my attention and the barrel of the gun on the man on his knees.

“I trusted you Angel. No matter how much I despise or hate you at times I have always been able to trust you.” My eyes watered and I sniffled. “And you lied. I’ll never be able to trust you again. Do you get that?”

I let out an emotional breath. “You want me to trust you with my life, but I have no trust in you anymore.”

Maybe he didn’t care. And that hurt me even more because even though I didn’t want to admit it, I cared about him.

James moved into the room as well and I shifted away from them still aiming the gun at the man on his knees in front of me. “Stop both of you.”

Angel put his hand out to James and James stopped before he retreated slowly. Angel’s eyes were fixed on me but James watched my target.

“Go. Both of you. I don’t need you here, I can do this on my own,” I said, determined to do what I had set out to.

“This isn’t you Kira. Give me the gun.” Angel’s tone was firm, the same tone he would use that made me feel like a child.

“I’m not a child Angel. And you need to stop treating me like one.”

“Please don’t do this,” the man said but I pushed against any empathy I was starting to feel.

“Stop talking.” I didn’t want to hear another word.

Angel inched closer. There was no outward sign of anything other than calm as he tried to get closer. “Don’t do this Kira.”

“Why? Because I’m too weak?” I shot him a tearful glare.

He shook his head. “You are not weak. I don’t want you to have this on your conscience. You are angry and upset. You are allowing your emotions to push you into making a choice you won’t be able live with.”

The man continued to whimper, his head bowed.

“How do you know that?” I asked, not bothering to look at him. My eyes were fixed on the man in front of me. The one whose life I wanted to end. “You don’t know me. You think you do but you don’t.”

“I know you better than anyone.” It was the tone of his voice that made me look at him. Our eyes locked. It wasn’t condescending, angry or patronizing. “I remember every daydream you ever uttered as a young girl, every wistful thought. I was there when your mom died. It wasn’t your father or your brother that picked you up, I did. And when you made the stupid decision to throw yourself at me at the age of sixteen, I did the right thing. I turned you down even when I wanted you.”

I swallowed. His declaration stunned me.

“No one knows you like I do.” His gaze moved to the man kneeling. “If you do this it’ll tear you apart, I know you won’t be able to live with it no matter what you tell yourself. Trust me.”

I had only momentarily taken my attention off the man before he launched at me and tried to grab the gun from me. The gun went off. There was a splatter of blood as he dropped to the floor at my feet.

Had I shot him? The shaking intensified. The gun had definitely gone off.

Frozen, I couldn’t move. Angel moved forward to remove the gun from my limp hands and then he gathered me close.

“I…” I was unable to finish my sentence. My mind was still trying to piece what had just happened. Then I saw James in the doorway with his gun aimed at the man who was slumped on the floor. He lowered it.

I was so confused, my mind was still trying to put everything together so I could understand what just happened.

Angel released me only to move me out of the room and into the hallway.

“I… don’t.” My eyes lifted to his.

“You’re okay Kira.” He cradled my face and brushed his thumbs gently against my skin.

I was shaking so bad. I tried to look back into the room at the lifeless body but Angel put his arm around me and pulled me toward the exit. “Let’s get you back to the house.”

He led me back to the house as security hurried to the building we left.

All I could see was the stranger’s panicked face and then the blood. I put one foot in front of the other until I found myself in Angel’s bedroom.

I looked down at my hands. They were still shaking. It was then I saw the blood. That’s when I started to try wipe it away but I couldn’t get it off.

“We’ll get it off,” Angel assured me as he helped me out of my clothes. There was also splatter of blood all over my clothes. When I was down to my underwear he led me into the bathroom where the shower was already on.

I touched my hair and I could feel some wetness. I didn’t have to look in a mirror to know it would be blood.

He helped me out of my underwear and bra. It wasn’t like he hadn’t see it all before.

He placed me in the shower but all I could do was stare at the mingle of blood in the warm water as it rained over me. Then he got in with me.

My eyes lifted to meet his. He moved my hair from my face. Then he got the soap.

For once I didn’t fight him. It was the shock of what happened that kept me dazed while Angel washed my hair and my body. He switched off the shower. I looked down and my hands. They were still shaking. I curled it into a fist to stop it. Angel with a towel wrapped around his waist towel dried me before slipping my arms into an oversized dressing gown.

I went into the bedroom and stood by the window. I wasn’t looking at anything specific, just staring into nothingness.

The sound of Angel approaching made me stiffen.

He rested his hands on my shoulders. I couldn’t turn to look at him. I was still fighting my way through the shock to the feelings that had driven me to do something so drastic I didn’t even recognize myself anymore. Maybe there was no way back to who I had been before. The question was did I want to go back?

“Talk to me Kira,” he said.

I shrugged his hands from me. “What do you want me to say Angel?” I felt defeated. “You want to know that I’m angry and hurt. Do you want to hear how I killed a man today? I shot him… even if it was an accident.” A heaviness settled in my chest. Had Angel been right? Was I not strong enough to live with what I had done? I stilled. Maybe he was right, I was too weak for this.

“It wasn’t your gun that killed him.”

I frowned as my eyes shot to him. “How…how do you know that?”

“The bullet from your gun went into the ground. James shot him.”